My soon to be fi wants to get married in a church and i don’t

What changed? somthing brought this on. remind him of all the places you talked about getting married before, tell him your dream wedding is outdoor and do a ceremony with a catholic minister(?)

Oooh boy, religion. I am super happy that I don't have this problem with FH (he grew up Pentecostal and I was raised mormon) we've both agreed that religion won't be a part of our lives or the lives of our future children if we have them. Did something happen in ya'll's lives that shook him up? Usually people turn to religion when things happen that rock their foundations if they were previously non-religious.

Definitely discuss this before moving forward. If religion makes you squick, but it's something that he has as a must-have thing then I don't know that ya'll are a good fit.

You definitely need to have this discussion quickly. You shouldn’t be uncomfortable when thinking about a wedding. Find out what changed and why he has made such a dramatic change after all the times you have discussed this. Good luck

Agree with all the previous messages. What changed? Have a conversation with him and find out why he suddenly wants the church. Is it pressure from parents? You dont want to go further with the wedding plans until this is discussed.

If this is important to him then you need to make sure it happens. Getting married in a Catholic Church is so much more than just choosing it as a spot for your ceremony, which I’m sure you know (assuming you are catholic since you went to catholic school). It sounds like he recently refound his faith, which is a great thing. Denying him this sacrament could cause him to hold resentment. Plus it is his wedding too.
many churches don’t recognize ceremonies held outside, but I know people that have done it. Sit down and talk to the priest and see what options you might have. Convalidation is also an option.
My husband has zero interest in church what so ever, but had he been adamantly against getting married in the church, he wouldn’t be my husband right now.
I hope you can find some middle ground that will make you both happy.

I think your issue isn't so much that he wants to get married in a church. The deeper issue is that you want to be nonreligious and he wants to be religious. At the moment you seem to be more focused on the wedding than the marriage. Would you end up resenting him if you had to sit through an hour long Catholic wedding? Would he resent you if he had to get married outdoors? Envision your life married to a devout Catholic man who sees his marriage as a holy sacrament.

Find out the root cause of why he wants to marry in a church. His parents? Sentimentalism? Does he want to raise your kids religious? Does he want to go to church every Sunday? What are his current views on traditional gender roles? Birth control? Abortion? Divorce? Would he be ok if your kids turned out to be gay? If they ended up a different religion or no religion at all?

Has he become a devout Catholic in everyday life now, or does he simply want to marry in a church? When and why did he make this switch? In my opinion, people who find or refind religion as adults tend to be more zealous than people who simply "stayed on" because they were raised with it.

Some people want to marry in a church because it's tradition and it's the thing to do. Some people have a serious relationship with their God. You need to figure out which it is and ensure you're still compatible. I would highly recommend premarital counseling.

I was also raised Catholic, but I would feel like a fraud getting married in a church and taking communion. I believe most Catholic churches require counseling first to make sure you're Catholic enough. If you answer the vetting questions honestly, you might not even qualify to get married in the church. I have to respectfully disagree with a PP that says you should find a way to compromise. You can't compromise on faith. You either have it or you don't. That's the whole point of faith. That's what I grew up learning in all the masses I had to sit through. This is about more than just the location of your wedding or who performs it. This is not the equivalent on disagreeing on wedding colors or guest count or whether you'll marry by a lake or in the mountains.

Best of luck!

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. I am born and raised Christian. I left the church 2 years before I met FH. He has a foundation in God but wasn’t as active in the faith. Fast forward, three years into our relationship, I did go back to my faith and have practiced it seriously. FH has not only been supportive but also made the decision, ALONE to get serious about his faith. I don’t think anything dramatic needs to happen for someone to return to their faith. Ultimately, all someone needs is a belief system that never necessarily left that they wish to grow upon. Like it was mentioned, I don’t think you’re bothered by marrying in a church. I think you’re bothered by his faith and that’s a red flag. If he’s as serious as you claim, in the future, he may require or wish for you to enter into the faith as well. So, instead of focusing on the wedding right now, I would focus on the marriage. I think you two really need to have a conversation about his faith and the expectations he has about you and your involvement in it. This may be important to him more than what he is letting on and therefore, you two need to come into an agreement about that importance. Now, as far as the wedding, you can ask for a compromise. Maybe instead of marrying at a church, ask for a priest that will be the officiant at another venue. Therefore, you both receive what you want: a non church wedding but a ceremony that happens with a religious figure. It’s not just your wedding but his and you two should try and find the medium together about what will work for you two. Wish you the best.

Right now, I'd say it's time to think more about the marriage than about the wedding. If you marry him, is he going to want to go to church every week? Have your children baptized, and going to religious school every week? Even have them attend Catholic schools? Is he going to expect you to participate in all this? (If you can't stand an hour at a Catholic wedding, how would you deal with weekly mass?) Is he going to teach your children that premarital sex and contraception are wrong?

As far as the wedding goes, you can have a wedding in a Catholic church even if you no longer consider yourself Catholic, if he considers himself Catholic. But there is unfortunately probably no real way to compromise, short of having a wedding and then a convalidation later. (In most areas, having a Catholic wedding outside of a church is impossible, and a non-Catholic wedding wouldn't be recognized by the church.) And a Catholic wedding requires a lot of premarital counseling that is specifically religious.

But even if you could bring yourself to have a Catholic wedding, don't do it unless you are prepared to deal with other aspects of his being a religious Catholic. I know that you say, "he’s the only man I have ever saw a long happy future with." But there will be others out there for you. And even if there weren't, being married to someone who ends up making you miserable is a whole lot worse than being single.

I would ask him why it is important to him and what has change? He could be getting family pressure, he could be worried about not having children raised Catholic, there are some many things it could be. He needs to articulate why this is important to him. You can't make any decisions until you understand why he feels this way.

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This. You need to get on the same page regarding your religion going forth in your marriage.

As far as the wedding goes, you can compromise and see if he will be okay with having the priest or pastor marry you in a non-church location, so it's a compromise for both of you. But you really need to discuss the role religion is going to play in your relationship NOW.

This is definitely something big you need to sort out. Plus it goes beyond the wedding day. also, the true catholic way is pretty intricate. do you guys live together? share a bed? etc. all of that is part of it and if you're already doing some of the extras i would use that to hopefully convince him against the church wedding.

I would sit down and talk to him about it. I know lots of couples, myself included, who has different religious beliefs and their relationship works out just fine. There's nothing wrong with not believing the same thing he does, as long as it doesn't impact your relationship. I would sit down and just talk. I hope you guys can figure it out

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I ran into this conundrum too, and unfortunately, Catholic priests are ONLY permitted to marry people INSIDE a Catholic church (outdoor/beach wedding ceremonies are not permitted)