My son doesn’t want to dance with me

Why not do two dances? Or half the song with mom and half the song with grandma?

We don’t know the relationship you have with your son, but there is a reason why he chose his grandmother instead. I’m sure it hurts and you are entitled to be sad, but I wouldn’t raise it again with your son. Giving him space to come to you sounds best in this situation. Vent here, be supportive and happy to him.

I think his reasoning is very sweet. Of course, I don’t know the background of the relationship he has with each of you. But it’s commendable that he wants to honor his grandmother in that way. Tears are expected and I understand that it’s difficult. But, perhaps you can support your son on his decision. Plus, he may have something separate planned for you on the wedding day

I'm awfully sorry. That sounds terribly hurtful. I won't assume that I know anything about your relationship, so I don't know if the decision is intentionally against you. I agree though, that his reasoning is very sweet and is probably more about honoring his grandmother and less about insulting you.

The only thing you can do here is to let him know, in the most non-judgmental and accepting way that you can, that you are hurt and would so appreciate sharing a dance with him on his wedding day as well. It will cost him two minutes of his day to add a dance for you, or I also love the suggestion made by someone else that perhaps he dance the first half with you, and then even surprise grandma by asking her to cut in!

I'll also say that the mother/son dance doesn't always happen, so he may not be thinking "Oh, I'll replace the mother/son dance with a grandma/grandson dance!" and just thinking "Ooh what if I added a dance with grandma?!"

View Quoted Comment Thank you that sounds like a great idea I’ll pass it along to him. His grandma played a big part of his life abd he feels it’s a way to pay her back. Grandma and dad stole him and his sister away from me when they were 8 and 9 yrs old. Very complicated. I stayed in touch and visits.

View Quoted Comment Thank you very well said. His grandma is very controlling over him and hated me until I left the scene now she acts like my best friend. I have been pleasant and warm to the ex and his family because they all live in my daughters two family house she owns. So when o go visit I'm visiting the whole family. Up until this past six months my son has been sharing her floor with her brother snd girlfriend. I’m domed before I ever get there by the way I live in Oklahoma and they live in Connecticut.

View Quoted Comment Your right absolutely right. Thanks for your input

That does sound hurtful. He could always do two dances, one to honor you and one to honor his grandmother. I did two parent dances one with my dad and a surprise one with my mom. I felt like the wedding industry only gave spotlights to the fathers. They walk you down, they have a special dance but I wanted to honor my mom too as she supported me just as much and when she got called up to dance the surprise on her face was priceless. Let your son know he can do more than one dance. I hope he honors you both.

I dont know your relationship, but if he doesn't want to do a dance with you and asked grandma instead, he has probably already thought about it and has reasons for his choice. The last thing you should do is make him feel pressured in to giving you a dance. It isn't your wedding, let him make his decision and let it go. His day isn't about you.

You’re entitled to your feelings, but this is your son’s wedding and it’s his choice. It sounds from your comments like his relationship with you has potentially been complicated over the years. I’d try to let this go and just enjoy his day.

I would be hurt too I would just be supportive maybe you can ask for 2 dances

Thank you everyone for your input. I sent my son as message he is busy today and didn’t answer. I told him how proud I was of the man he is becoming and I think it was a nice gesture and I’m sure she deserves more. I suggested that maybe he could save a dance for me. I loved him and would see him in a week. Thank you again. By the way my son replied” that is great to hear and I can’t wait to see you I love you!
I feel alot better as a person I’m not sad or hurt it will all work out. Thank you again everyone for your thoughts

View Quoted Comment I’m pleased to tell you that I told him I thought his gesture was right on snd I support his decisions he has a good head on his shoulders. Your right it is his wedding I’ve not stuck my nose in only been there to support him. Of course I will enjoy the day what else is there to do. Have a great day

View Quoted Comment I don’t know if you could see my reply I’ve only been on here once. So let me tell you your right and he was very happy when I told him that was a good gesture maybe he and I could have a dance later. I know how to be a bigger person and I was just crying out loud. What kind of mom would I be if I didn’t feel the pain. Try not being so cold. Others have feelings and it’s a selfish world we live in I’m not one of them. My kids mean every thing to me so yea it hurt. Are you a mom

I mean it's not necessarily that commentator being hateful. There have been parents on this site or brides talking about their parents trying to take control of what the couple wants for their day. Especially when sometimes it seems that the parent doesn't take their child's feelings into account. You're allowed to be hurt yes but, regardless of your relationship with his grandma (which while you say she was hateful to you, we on this site are only getting one side so we have to keep open minds), it is his day. He probably did think this through a lot. Both my husband and I decided not to do father/daughter mother/son dances because we did not have that type of relationship with those parents. But, if you asked my husband's mom they're relationship is amazing and he's her baby. It seems like you are going to be happy with his choices and that's great. However, it is not hateful for people to point out that you could be putting pressure on your son and making his day about you.

View Quoted Comment Yes, I am a mom. My children mean everything to me too. I’m not being cold I said you were entitled to your feelings. You’re allowed to be hurt. What you shouldn’t be doing though is outwardly expressing your hurt to your son, which is what you’d be doing if you sit at his reception in tears while he dances with his grandmother.