My sisters husband passed away from cancer and.......

Hi All,
I need as much advice or help as possible. I’m getting married to my wonderful future husband and we’ve been together for almost 10 years. I’m so excited that we’re having our dream wedding but a huge part of me also has a huge sense of tremendous overwhelming guilt and heartache.... here it goes.... my older sister‘s husband passed away after a 3 and a half yr battle with cancer. He was the most AMAZING guy you could ever meet and he was PERFECT for my sister. When he was diagnosed at stage 4 my sister was pregnant with my niece and my BILs prognosis was not good. They weren’t sure exactly how much time he had left but they knew they had to get married rather quickly for arrangement purposes such as the house and his business etc.. My brother-in-law and sister were so in love and they were such larger than life people and I know that it was my sisters dream to always have a giant extravagant wedding with the whole 9 yards. It’s only been a few years since my brother-in-law has passed and the wounds are still fresh although I feel that no matter how much time these wounds will always be fresh and they will never heal. When I told my sister I was getting married she was very excited and she demanded to come with me wedding dress shopping which was a wonderful thing to hear. It’s just extremely hard for me because I want to tell her all about my wedding she’s the only sister I have. I have an older brother but it’s not the same as talking to your sister about your wedding. I know she’s happy for me And her and my future husband get along like family but I just feel like when I talk about my wedding it hurts her. I know if I talk to her about it I know she’ll say no I’m fine I’m so happy but I know that deep down inside it must be killing her and so I haven’t really been talking about my wedding with her at all. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to not have so much heartache And feel so much pain about this issue. My emotions have been a tumultuous roller coaster! One minute I’m so excited about planning and one of the first people that I want to tell is my sister but then I get an overwhelming sense of pain and heartache and then I just start breaking down and crying because I know that I can’t. I’m also sad that my brother-in-law can’t be At my wedding. He was such an amazing guy and him and my sister and their child would’ve been the best family in the world. Every day I wake up and I wish that I could go back somehow and just trade my life for his every single day and i just feel this tremendous guilt. The reality that that option is not possible kills me. I just wish there was some time machine and some sort of devil that I could sell my soul to to change everything and I would in a second. How do I cure this heartache. Some days I wake up and I’m so grateful for everything that I have but then I just think that I’m being so selfish having a dream wedding only 2-3 years after he passed. Please. What do I do?