My Sister n Law’s wedding

She should be calling the shots about who is a bridesmaid, so whatever the excuse is likely BS in my opinion, but families are weird and I'm not going to pretend to understand what dynamics are at play.

However, I think going dress shopping would be fun and you can definitely participate in that even if you aren't a bridesmaid. I asked my best friend to be my MOH but she lives a few states away (and ended up not fulfilling her role as MOH due to being pregnant), so I ended up going dress shopping with the wife of one of our groomsmen and had three friends of mine get ready with me and help with flowers. None of them were bridesmaids, but I honestly think they were happy to support and take on roles that were fun for them without the pressure of having to buy a dress, take photos, etc.

I do think assigning someone to manage the guest registry is just rude, regardless of who it is (unless they are paying hired help to do that role). It's not an appropriate ask of a wedding guest.

Could you possible chat with your sister-in-law and share how you feel? In your shoes, I would be happy to participate in dress shopping but would say I don't feel comfortable handling the guest registry. Not only does it remove you from the event (which is unfair) but it puts pressure on you to make sure everyone signs. If someone doesn't sign the registry, are they going to blame you? Instead, they should have the DJ/MC announce that there is a guest book to sign. At most, you could volunteer to go around tables and remind people to sign. Its possible you were asked to do this as a way of including you and the bride just doesn't realize how demeaning of a role that is.

This sounds like an issue your husband needs to address with his family. It's not right to make you feel less of a family member just because you were not born into their family.

As for your Sister in Law, be honest with her and tell you this is not something you are interested in helping with. BTW can't say I've been to a wedding where this person was an adult, I've usually seen this role done by a young adult. I would rather be a guest than have a pity role in the wedding - maybe leave our the pity part. . .

I don't understand your post. No offence, but I don't get it.

I get why you don't want to do the guestbook, and you're under no obligation to do it. Your SIL does not owe you a spot in the wedding party, and it sounds like she's not going to ask. That's OK though! Why not go dress shopping with her if you're interested, and have a great time?! Your "spot" in the family may never feel quite whole, but you don't need their approval anyway. Stop leaping for it. Are they doing something specific to make you feel "less than" or is it a feeling you have? Are they abusive? If so then your H is the one to stand by you and deal with them.

I find it weird and/or cowardly that the bride is saying things like "i wish you could be a bridesmaid..." True- she gets to pick who stands up with her at her wedding... but she's making it sound like it's out of her hands. And you are allowed to be hurt by a close friend not asking. You are a human being and relationships are hard sometimes in these contexts. It sounds like an all around weird situation and I would try to let go and move on as best you can from not being a bridesmaid and go dress shopping and be a friend. As for the Guest book- she may have thought it was a nice gesture, but just as she gets to decide who is a bridesmaid, you can decide not to do that job. Go to the wedding, love your friend and SIL, and enjoy yourself.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, and certainly understand how hurtful it must be. While you want to be supportive of her, I think it's also reasonable to set your own boundaries. Guest book duty is usually just a way that people think they're being nice by "including" someone, when really nobody wants to stand next to a guest book. I would politely decline and say that you were looking forward to spending time with the family.

But it sounds like there are some larger issues going on here. First of all, I would have a conversation with your husband about how his mother is making you feel. You've been married for three years, and whether she likes it or not, you are part of the family and should be treated that way. Either he needs to have a conversation with her, or if you feel comfortable standing up for yourself, you should talk to her directly.

Second, it's your sister-in-law's wedding, not your mother-in-law's. So if she wants you as a bridesmaid and isn't including you because of her mother, she needs to stand up for herself. She's either not being honest with the mother about what she wants, or she's not being honest with you.