Hello everyone! I need some advice on an issue I’m currently dealing with that’s involved with my sister. *****warning, it’s a long post
About a month ago my sister called me and asked me who is walking me down the isle. Mind you, my parents are divorced and both remarried. I replied by saying that my step-dad is. She said okay and then we eventually ended the conversation.Side story: My sister is 20 years old (Younger than me by 6 years) and lives with our biological dad. She moved in with him to get away from an abusive boyfriend and to sober up from the amount of drugs she took. She wanted to start over in her life and have a better life for herself. Two weeks ago she called me and was complaining about my dad and step mom. Long story short she said that she left a lit candle burning and she didn’t blow it out before she left the house to go to work. My dad came home with the house full of smoke. When he confronted her she ignored him and didn’t see that she was in the wrong. All while she was telling me this story, she included me into her rant by saying that she told my dad that he wasn’t walking me down the isle and his response was that no one in his family is going to go to my wedding if that’s the case and she told me that he alerted everyone on his side of the family. We ended the conversation and I was completely hurt. I was in distraught the entire day and I decided to make a post about it on social media letting everyone know how hurt I am by it. Then as time went on, I called my dad and had a two hour conversation about it. He didn’t say anything to my family members, she lied. I had my aunt (his sister) and my step mom to back up his story. Again, I was hurt. I was hurt that she told my dad that he wasn’t walking me down the isle (which I was going to tell him) and that she made this huge lie about him telling my family not to go. Now I haven’t talked to my sister during those two weeks. Until today she called and was yelling/lecturing me on why I would post something like that on social media even when she “specifically said it in private”. I told her that she had no right to tell our dad that he wasn’t walking me down the isle and that she had no right into lying about him telling our family not to go. She was quiet for a bit and then she said that she doesn’t feel comfortable being my maid of honor and she doesn’t feel comfortable going to my wedding. Which I replied with, “that’s fine, I’m going to have fun and enjoy my day either way. If you don’t feel comfortable then that’s on you.” She got quiet and I told her I had to go. I immediately called my dad afterwards to let him know what’s going on. He informed me that he gave my sister the end of the week to move out (as they both agreed) and they both got into an argument. She was claiming how he is always in the wrong, how could he possibly kick her out (she said she was going to leave at the end of this week), and that he always blames her for everything she does. He backfired by telling her that she is causing stress to him, his wife (our step mom who is pregnant) and to your sister (me). He confronted her on the lies she told me about him telling our family not to go to my wedding. She lied again and told him that she never said that. I have proof through text and I sent it to him. So this all comes down to this. Should I wait it out until she calms down or should I not have her there at all? My family and I suspect that she’s back to doing drugs since she is now back to her abuse boyfriend. She’s not in the right state of mind and has been causing drama between anyone that’s remotely close to her.
Your wedding is still 8 months away and also not the center of the world. A lot can change in 8 months, so I wouldn’t make any final decisions on the guest list now. I would, however, try to see what you can do to help your sister who seems to really need it.
♥️First of all my heart goes out to you. Secondly I would not invite her to your wedding. This might sound harsh but I’ve learned that just because they’re family doesn’t mean you have to put up with abuse to this degree. She’s trying to sabotage your WEDDING DAY! She needs to get herself help. It sounds like she’s a bit jealous even to go to the extent to try to cause drama between you and your father. Even if she apologizes she is clearly a vindictive spiteful person by nature and WILL cause more problems. You don’t need her there to stir up more chaos. This is YOUR TIME to be totally selfish. Don’t feel bad for her and don’t give in. I wish you the best. ♥️
Just Said Yes
Thank you for your comments. It’s very difficult to help her considering that I live across the country and I work 70 hour work weeks in a highly stressful environment (military). I have tried to help her in the past but that only led to her lashing out on me and her ignoring me for months. I’m honestly at a loss here. I’m obviously not going to make any irrational decisions at this moment. Just seeking advice or possibly a similar story.
I'm really sorry to hear about this. A lot can happen in 8 months but its your wedding. I'm seeing this in my wedding that my brothers are not coming to my wedding. I kinda knew this was going to happen but because i feel like "have" to invite them, i did. But see how she acts. if she continues like this, just don't invite her. We got to stop having that mentality to invite people cause their related to us. We don't need unnecessary stress.
Yeah I think I’d worry a little more about my sister’s life than the wedding implications. I’d advocate to mom or dad about getting her what sounds like much needed help. Couldn’t imagine seeing my young sibling in an abusive relationship. Sad face.
She sounds very toxic so I wouldn't have her at the wedding. She feels uncomfortable going there after all!
I'm really sorry and it seems like your sister is going through something. I can agree with some people and that maybe she just needs to get herself together and you can try to be there the best you can for her as a sister but at the same time whether someone is involved in drugs are not their actions can have long-lasting effects and she just doesn't realize that right now. I would just maybe not have her be maid of honor as I feel like you two are both having some issues but in regards to her being at your wedding I would hold off on that and you can still invite her but see how she gets herself together between now and then before you make a decision.
Yeah she’s definitely jealous, that’s why she’s trying to sabotage. Just don’t talk to her and let her reach out.
I would just worry about your biological dad and your sister right now, it seems like they both are going through a lot. You have quite a while until your wedding, I'd keep planning like normal and decide if your sister is in the wedding a lot closer to the date. I'd give her space right now though.