Hey All, I need some advice to get over my pettiness about my sister planning her wedding while I am planning mine. My sister is my maid of honor, and I am one of her maids/matron of honor. So if you have experienced wedding planning competitiveness, sharing the spotlight, dealing with jealously or pettiness, I need your advice.
Some Background: I have always been forced to be the bigger person when it comes to my sister. She is younger by 2 years, but she has had a lot of personal struggles in her life that I stepped in basically as a second parent or mentor to help her get to where she is today. But it took a huge drain on our relationship, it was toxic at times where I had to be the parent and tell our mom that she was not okay and gave me so much stress. We were best friends through our teen years until I was forced to step up, and I eventually had to step back. My family has always compared us, we were often forced to compete against each other, who was better at what? Who looked better? who had better grades? etc. My fiancé and I got engaged in February 2020, and had always planned on a nice slow and relaxed engagement. Taking time to plan things, enjoying the bliss at our own speed, and had always planned a June 2022 wedding, even before the pandemic. My sister rushed into her engagement, mostly due to the competitive nature we were grown up into, she got engaged in August 2020. She is planning to get married August 2023. My family has a lot of negative comments on her compatibility with her fiancé and how they rushed into getting engaged. I do my best not to compare us anymore, I always come to the defense of my sister, and try to have her back. So it's been extremely difficult, because I am so angry, and petty, and jealous. I feel like my spotlight is gone, and my sister is rubbing everything in my face. My sister is a Social Media Queen who posts everything about her life . I am the exact opposite, most of my wedding planning has been personal, and not shared. I am extremely independent and aways want to do everything myself.
My sister is posting all of her updates constantly on social media, and every time I see it I just get so upset. It also doesn't help that all my mom wants to talk about is the drama my sister is and how she is an attention bleep. It is ruining my joy of trying to plan my own wedding. And I know it is partially my fault, I have been trying to do the right thing and talk about how our weddings will be different, that mine is first, that my fiancé and are totally different etc. But it's not working. I have lost all my wedding and engagement joy, and it feels stolen from me by my sister.
My sister also is the type of person who is going to need help. She cannot plan her wedding on her own, she is not that type of person, she is going to need help from her maid of honor, and due to my relationship I can't just turn off my need to help her, I can't just step away and let her struggle. I am starting to have nightmares about it honestly. I had one the other night were I was trying on wedding dresses, and the whole bridal appointment became about her. and TBH it could actually happen, my sister is selfish, she wouldn't in all honesty mean to take the spotlight away from me, she wouldn't do it on purpose, but she would accidentally do it and never realize that it was an issue. While I have spent my entire life trying not to hurt others feelings and am extremely cautious of my actions.
So I need advice, for those who have felt this level of jealously about a close friend or sibling planning a wedding right after you or while you are planning, how do you separate it? The whole our weddings will be different is just not working, and I want to actually sit down and talk to my sister about it. What advice to do you all have? I love my sister, and I want her to have an amazing wedding, and I want to help. But I need to get my wedding stuff down first, I need to find the joy again. How do I talk to my sister about this? How do I get over this jealousy?