My sister is not coming to my DW?!?!

Well, destination weddings do complicate things a bit. She has over a year to change her mind.

Yikes, that sucks! The expense is understandable though. If you haven't already finalized the venue, you may want to consider talking with all of your VIPs to make sure everyone can/is willing to make the trip. Ultimately, though, it's up to you which is more important - the location or having certain people attend.

You know your sister best, so I can't really comment on that aspect other than to say that people seem to lose their damn minds when it comes to anything wedding-related.

That is too bad. I understand why you feel disappointed, however I think in general this is the problem with any DW. Whether or not she can afford it isn't really your business. It is her money and if she doesn't want to spend it on a luxury vacation, then that's fine. When you think about it, a DW is the only time you could ever ask someone to spend thousands of dollars on you, so don't be too disappointed that she doesn't want to. It's definitely your choice to have a wedding in Jamaica instead of a cruise, but it's her choice whether or not she chooses to attend.

I think once you ask, she will be on board.

How do you KNOW money isn't an issue if she says it is, though? Honestly, cruises are (in general) a lot more affordable than all-inclusive type resorts. I agree with Jeanne - she has a year, and I think if you just let her know you'd really like her to be there maybe she will change her mind.

I'm sorry, that sucks. You have time, maybe she will change her mind.

^^^ Everything LadyMonk said. Just because somebody CAN afford something doesn't mean they feel it's an appropriate use of their money. That stinks that she might not come, but that is the price to pay of having an international DW.

FH didn't go to his sisters DW because it was to expensive for him, it sucks...it really does, but it's pretty common with DW.

Do you think she was already expecting to be your MOH? Maybe she's mad you haven't asked and that's why she's saying no. If not, I hope that asking doesn't put more pressure on her to spend the money she already told you she's not comfortable spending.

I would make sure she knows you planned for her to be your MOH, but if she can't afford it or isn't willing to pay for an expensive trip (which since you said she would be your matron of honor would most likely involve both herself and a spouse), then she can't make that happen and you can't really hold it against her. It's disappointing, but that's a price you pay when you want to have a DW. Not everyone has the money to attend DWs or wants to use up all their vacation days for the year in October to go to a DW in another country.

I can sort of get it. We all only get a limited number of days off and then if somebody asks us to spend those at a place we don't really feel like visiting, it doesn't matter that we could afford it. I feel DW are great for you and your FH/FW, but you should never expect anybody to come, even if they are family. It's not about them not loving you, but about the amount of time of (and money) that they have to dedicate to you.

Neither I nor my parents attended my sister's destination wedding. My sister knew that it would be too expensive for us, and was ok with us not being there (also, second wedding for both her and husband). She ended up having a reception back home anyway for all the family that couldn't attend, which was fun.

My sister didn't come to my DW in Hawaii because she was 7 1/2 months pregnant and couldn't fly. I was sad at first but I got over it.

That's sometimes the price of having a DW. Not everyone wants to spend all their vacation/money on a wedding that isn't their own - sister or not. And being the MOH will really just make things more expensive for her so if expense is her concern, I doubt that wil convince her.

@Cindy, I feel your pain. We're planning a DW and it's a nightmare with trying to see who will really be able to make it. My sis is my MOH, and she told me to "get out of her pockets" because I was afraid that our dream destination was too expensive (she's a mom of two.)

Moral of the story, it's a hard pill to swallow when the ones you love may not be able to share in your special day. If you keep your dream destination, you may lose out on having people there. If you compromise, people still won't be happy.

She's probably a little upset about the destination, so ultimately you have to decide if you want to appease her or yourself.

I understand where you are coming from. My grandparents and my dad also told me they were probably not going to be able to go to our cruise wedding. I told them I understood and we would celebrate the marriage when we got back with them. Well....they are now booked and totally excited about going! You never know what will happen. But I will say I think the main reason my grandparents and dad were saying that is because they were not happy with my choice at first and were trying to see if I would change my mind. It sucks for sure and I hope your sister will get on board!

I understand the disappointment, but honestly when you choose a DW you choose the possibility of this happening. DW's are expensive and your asking people to spend a lot of money on your event. And on a destination they may never have seen themselves going on by choice. I'm not a fan of DW's, I think them selfish on the B&G part to put the financial burden on people. If my sister had one I wouldn't go.

Thank you all for your input, all very different angles but all very insightful..as we brides do, I will make the best of it! Thanks!!!

Can you tell us the ballpark for the cost? It's possible to do a nice DW at some all inclusive beach resorts for approx 1K per couple (guest expenses, airfair and 4-5 nights). Anything over that is WAY too expensive, in my opinion.

I'd only go to a DW for my sister or my very best friend (and I have). I wouldn't be able to spend that on anyone else. (My sister originally proposed a Sandals resort that would've cost over 2K and I said "I'm sorry... cannot do it... find a good travel agent and try again". She was being lazy and not doing her research, and I wasn't willing to pay an extra 1,500 for it).

Fine Greetings,

There are upsetting issues that arise, even with Local Wedding Planning. Destination Weddings may pose some challenges for family and friends. DW Brides need to be ready to roll with those challenges, accept certain disappointments and just continue onward with their Wedding planning.

All the best to everyone!

Sincerely, Michele