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Just Said Yes October 2020

My sister is causing a lot of family drama before the wedding

FallFlorals, on September 6, 2020 at 4:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 15
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First off, I hope all the 2020 brides are keeping well this year - this has definitely been an eventful year. For me, I’ve had to postpone more than three times due to Covid, and just recently we finally booked a new date this year. I anticipate a much smaller guest count which I’m happy with.


I have a few guests coming from out of town, including my sister who will be flying up from LA to Canada for the wedding. I am living in Canada that is following stricter quarantine measures for international travellers. The problem is that my sister who is coming from the US wants to quarantine with my family and I at my parents home with her two children - one of who is not even a month old. We have all advised against this as there is not sufficient Space in our home nor is it idea for quarantine because there are some members that go to work in a health care facility.
Anyways, my sister has quite the habit of just making her own plans, not consulting anyone, and then just expecting everyone to go along with what she wants. After I alone with my parents discussed with her that perhaps she find other accommodations for her 14 day quarantine such as an airbnb or hotel, she freaked out on us and texted me that she wasn’t coming to the wedding of my shower.
I didn’t reply to her because to be honest, I am very hurt. I understand that she is upset that her plans of free babysitting and days to sleep in while we scramble to keep her children safe have been challenged, but I don’t see any reason for her to be upsetting everyone including myself the bride. There are still a lot of things I need to take care for the wedding since we were able to lock down a date very last minute including setting up our home, buying furniture, home supplies, etc.
What do I do? Should I stay silent? Mind my own business and focus on myself And the wedding?

15 Comments

Latest activity by Pam, on September 7, 2020 at 4:42 AM
  • Jocelyne
    Dedicated September 2020
    Jocelyne ·
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    I understand completely how you feel (I myself had to make major changes to my wedding and and had to basically plan a whole new wedding in a few weeks..new wedding date is 3 weeks ago and trust me, it’s A LOT To do in a small amount of time 😩)


    That being said, it’s also a lot to ask someone to not only fly in (with their new born child) but then find accommodations for two weeks. If I were her, I personally wouldn’t go either to be honest. I don’t know her personally but that’s would be a lot to ask anyone to do. No one wants to be self quarantined in a place that far from home for that long with a new baby. It’s not just about having free baby sitters and sleeping in.. she just had a baby and postpartum is no joke .. so that on top of traveling internationally with two kids during a global health crisis and then having to prepare to self isolate in a hotel for two weeks... truthfully, I don’t know anyone who would do that.
    A lot of my family is in Canada and Europe and though we extended the invitations to them, literally all of them have opted not to attend for this very reason. It’s disappointing as we obviously would love to have our family there for this moment, but so completely understandable. I don’t think it’s fair to charge it to to their hearts, but rather to the situation at hand. Im sure everyone wishes things were different but this is the reality and you really can’t hold it against anyone. If she isn’t able to physically attend, hopefully there are other ways to have her participate in your wedding experience.


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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    I completely agree with all of this. That IS a lot to ask of your sister. I do understand where you are coming from with the safety factors, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect her to quarantine in an Airbnb in a strange place alone with 2 children for 2 weeks. Tbh, if I were her, I would decline to attend also.
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    VIP December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
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    I third this!
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  • Emily
    Expert September 2020
    Emily ·
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    I honestly think you're *both* being reasonable.


    From yours, having any guests in our home (even family) during this time would make me very nervous, and it kind of defeats the point of a pre-quarantine in my opinion since they are exposing themselves to you all.
    From her perspective, as the other poster's have said, having two kids alone in a hotel for two weeks is alot. Both with the money and just being stuck in the hotel (vs a home).
    It may be that her coming out isn't in the cards. Maybe talk with her about streaming a video or taking a recording? It might be the best option for both of you.
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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Yes, all of this!
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  • Krista
    Dedicated April 2020
    Krista ·
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    I think telling your sister the national safety guidelines (that most of the world has) is reasonable and her expecting to ignore them and have you look the other way is disrespectful! She should have realistically assessed the situation and maybe have decided she couldn’t come when she was told what she would have to do. America is really blowing it with corona virus...I had to cancel my April wedding and will not hold an event until my family from around the world can come and will be comfortable doing so (so maybe a few years)! Don’t stress about it try to enjoy what you can during this time!
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  • Yasmine
    Master October 2020
    Yasmine ·
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    Do you think that she can afford it? I mean staying in a hotel or Air B&B for 14 days to quarantine can’t be cheap. I think you should have a talk with her. I hope you all can figure it out
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I honestly think you are expecting a lot from your sister. I can only imagine how much it would cost to rent a hotel room or airbnb for two weeks. Not only that, but she would be completely alone in a foreign country with two children one of which is a baby. This pandemic has caused a lot of issues in the world so to expect someone to do what you are asking is a lot. Unfortunately. I think you may need to accept that your sister may not be able to attend, but that's what happens when you host an event at this time.
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    Not trying to cause problems BUT: isnt the whole point of quarantining to NOT be around others???!! If people are coming and going to work around her, then she ISN’T quarantining ...
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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    What a challenge! I’m so sorry you can’t just have your family there.

    Asking someone to quarantine alone is tough. Especially not being from here. I understand where she is coming from on not wanting to come, however, quarantine requires you do it alone, or all people in the home need to quarantine too. If she stays with you, everyone in the home needs to self isolate as well. Staying with you is technically not an option due to quarantine rules, and 2 weeks paying to quarantine in a hotel room with kids, no fun. Would she also have to quarantine when she gets back home? I would probably decline if I needed to quarantine. It’s not just the 2 weeks or not being able to do anything, but the cost, and loss of money from missing work would be to hard to manage.

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  • Chrysta
    Master November 2022
    Chrysta ·
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    Yes, exactly! That is why I said I completely understand her point of view as well. I was mainly responding to OP’s statements:
    I didn’t reply to her because to be honest, I am very hurt. I understand that she is upset that her plans of free babysitting and days to sleep in while we scramble to keep her children safe have been challenged, but I don’t see any reason for her to be upsetting everyone including myself the bride.

    I was just pointing out that most people put in the sister’s position would likely decline to attend, and its unfair to act as though she is being unreasonable/irrational. Unfortunately, her sister not attending is probably the best solution for everyone.
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  • F
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    FallFlorals ·
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    Hi everyone thank you for you thoughts on both sides.


    To answer some questions, my sisters husband is attending the wedding as well and they all planned to get an Airbnb anyways because of lack of space and quarantine. She is also born and raised in Canada and would be staying very close to our home so it’s not like I’m asking her to stay in a foreign country.
    The problem with her is she wants to come without her husband 2 weeks in advanced and stay with us whereas she can come closer to the wedding with her husband who can help her while they quarantine. In my opinion, she is being difficult and she told me she wasn’t coming to the wedding in anger. They are both wealthy, and She haS more than enough money to afford an airbnb. I am quite confident she has a narcissist personality which would cause her to want all the attention on her and her issues.
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  • Erin
    Expert May 2021
    Erin ·
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    Gotcha Agreed!
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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    You are perfectly fine limiting your numbers where you are staying, and not adding your sister and her kids, one so young, to the mix. The only way she should travel (and I would stay home, in her position) is with a part time nanny or baby sitter, to minimize the number of people the kids are exposed to. For them to come up and immediately stay with a larger group than their own 4 some, including people going to work at health care facilities, completely violates the terms of Canadian quarantine as I understand them. For the first 10-14 days, they are not supposed to mix, so they do not bring a strain from LA to those living in Canada, for those people to take to their people they work with.
    So she could certainly come 2 weeks early with a nanny, but not see the rest of you, never mind live with you. And probably she should miss the wedding. With kids that young, getting sick with something not covid would still be a nightmare.
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  • P
    January 2014
    Pam ·
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    I can't help but think that some of her anger is because this attitude: "she is upset that her plans of free babysitting and days to sleep in while we scramble to keep her children safe have been challenged" is coming through loud and clear with your interactions with her.

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