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My sister bought something outside the wedding party palette

Jasmine S., on May 1, 2020 at 11:01 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 7

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We're having a fairly formal daytime wedding next April. Our immediate family is our wedding party. The men are wearing navy suits, and the women are wearing light blues and greens. They can choose any style or length they like, it doesn't even have to be a bridesmaid dress.

My older sister doesn't want to wear a light color because she thinks it will make her look pale and washed out. So she asked if she could wear a navy suit like the men. I said that's fine. Then she changed her mind and sent me pics of other things, asking which were OK. Most of her choices are jewel tones or even have black embellishments. I said those are too dark, but maybe she could try a navy jacket over a lighter dress. I will also pay for professional makeup so she doesn't look washed out in the photos.

Now she has decided to buy a "green suit," but a lot of the green suits she showed me are actually gray. She seems to want earthy/jewel tones when the palette is more saturated. If she's wearing gray and everyone else is colorful, she WILL look washed out, which is exactly what she's worried about! And she has almost a year to look for more stuff, why would she buy it now?

So I'm not sure what to do here. Many people told me she's not technically a bridesmaid, so she doesn't have to dress to the color scheme. But I think regardless of the language, she's part of the ceremony and the formal portraits. My fiancé has sisters too, and they are happy to wear whatever. I've tried to give her a lot of options, but now it's too late. I just want to know if some compromise can still be reached, or if one of us is being silly.

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Latest activity by Megan, on May 1, 2020 at 4:28 PM

Master May 2020
Kari · on May 1, 2020 at 11:15 AM
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Generally I don't think it's appropriate to dictate what people wear outside of the wedding party itself. However it sounds like you gave a lot of leeway and I do understand wanting a cohesive look, or at the very least one that doesn't clash. There are honestly so many shades of lighter blue and green that would work on a variety of skin tones. For example, pastel powder blue on me would be awful because I'm pretty fair, but a slate blue would look gorgeous!

I would definitely urge her to hit the pause button on trying to find anything right away and perhaps offer to go shopping with her to look at options (once it is safe to do so of course). Even just going to bridal shops and other stores to look at colors will help her get an idea of what you are looking for, and she can hold those colors up to her to see which ones are flattering. The goal wouldn't be to find her an outfit, just to find colors that work for her skin tone and your wedding vision. Once you've both clarified colors that work, she can continue to shop on her own to find the perfect outfit to send to you so you can give her the thumbs up before purchasing.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 1, 2020 at 11:18 AM
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If she's not in the wedding party, you don't get to dictate her attire. It's that simple.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 1, 2020 at 11:52 AM
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She is in the wedding party, I just don't want to use the word "bridesmaid" because they don't have to match.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 1, 2020 at 12:06 PM
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"Bridesmaids" don't have to match.
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Expert October 2021
Megan · on May 1, 2020 at 12:49 PM
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OP, shopping around your story on different wedding boards to try to get the answer you want isn't going to change the general consensus.
You're doing everything to not use the word "bridesmaid" even though that title literally does not have to mean anything other than "stands up next to you at the wedding." You have bridesmaids, my dude.
You posted some options she sent you on your other thread that she likes... the very first dress there looks totally fine and coordinates. Who cares if it's a slightly darker green color than the other women? Light colors can definitely make people look washed out. This is so far from the hill to die on.
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VIP May 2022
Jasmine S. · on May 1, 2020 at 1:50 PM
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Regardless of how it looks or which you think is better, that's not the one she bought.
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