My sister backed out of my wedding!

I'm sorry you're going through this, but you need to approach your sister about your relationship, NOT about your wedding. This seems more serious, and your wedding shouldn't be the priority in this discussion.

And explained what happened ... she of course feels bad but told me I can't worry and stress about her and that it will be okay. My sister and my mom have never been close. My sister is a daddy's girl and there has always been conflict with her and my mom. Well my mom texts me saying that my sister told her she doesn't want to be in the wedding but will still go ...... ummmm wth!?? How does that make any sense?? Do I still send her an invite!? All of my friends and bridesmaids are shocked and confused and tell me not to invite her. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. She is my one and only sister but has hurt me bad and put me in a bind with a flower girl..... what would y'all do!? She acts like she hasn't done anything wrong :/

Forget about your wedding and be there for your sister. She can absolutely come as a guest instead of bridesmaid if that makes her more comfortable. And yes, you still send her an invite.

Of course you still invite her. And she *hasn't* done anything wrong. If things are that bad between her and your mom, it is her decision not to interact with your mother. It has nothing to do with you and your wedding. And she hasn't "put [you] in a bind" with the flower girl. No one cares if you have a flower girl or not. It is not a necessary part of the wedding. If her daughter can't participate then she can't participate. Nothing else is affected.

Talk to your sister as a sister, not as a bride. What does she need right now? She is obviously in a lot of pain. Be there for her whether or not she is able to attend or take part in your wedding. That is one day. You are sisters for life. Our siblings are the longest relationships we will ever have.

This is an upsetting situation, and I'm sorry this happened. But you should absolutely still invite your only sister. She sounds like she has a lot going on right now and probably cannot handle the stress of being a bridesmaid and getting her daughter ready to be a flower girl. Just try to be there for her as much as possible.

I like what PPs are saying here: your relationship with your sister needs to be the priority right now, not how all this affects your wedding. Talk to your sister. Find out what's really going on between her and your mom and when she's going to move out. Make it clear to her that she and your niece are important to you and you want them in your life (say "life," not "wedding"). Find out how your sister envisions that happening if your mom is going to be in your life, but your sister won't be around your mom. Leave the wedding out of it, and speak generally. It sounds like you and your sister need to have a long talk about her plans and you probably need to do it in person.

Eventually, you'll figure the wedding stuff out. But right now, that can't be the priority. Your sister is the priority. And if you want your sister there on your wedding day, you need to leave your wedding out of it for now and concentrate on what your sister needs.

I have talked to her as a sister and she just isn't being the same . My wedding is the least of my concern when it comes to her and my niece . Sorry it sounded like that in the post. She has a crazy baby daddy and he is back around and when he is in the picture she is different . I think what is confusing to me is how she wants nothing to do with being apart of the wedding because of my mom but still wants to go when she will be there . I want her there and I even explained she can be apart of the wedding and not interact with our mom but she is just against it. It took me by surprise but I know we will get through it.

Be there for your sister. That should be #1. I know you are upset but your relationship with your sister and niece is more important than one day.

She's living at home, as an adult....your mom takes her and her kid in, and that's her attitude? She's got growing up to do. I agree with the others, don't count on her involvement for the wedding. Quite frankly I'd be too disgusted to even talk to her much, not because of the wedding. But for how she is treating her family and using her daughter as a weapon against everyone. Yes, being there for her is good. There is also life being too short. I probably couldn't have that conversation with her without it turning into her getting defensive. If you can do it, great.

Yeah her attitude is bad and immature. I've explained how my mom has taken her and her daughter in with a roof over both of their heads for free and she still manages to talk bad about my mom. I can't respect her when she acts like a child. She was my maid of honor and dropped down from that because she was stressed with other things and I forgave her for that and now she has taken herself out of the wedding and her daughter. It's just all mind blowing. She will get an invite but if she shows or not is up to her. I'm just shocked at her behavior towards the family.

Is she jealous of your wedding?

I can sympathize. You only get one family and family is family....it's usually best to keep peace. But I may be a hypocrite there. I have one sister and we are about as close as Alaska is to Hawaii. I love my niece and nephew and thankfully at least have a relationship with my nephew....but never really talk to my sister. Sure we'd be cordial. But the brother in law treats his family like royalty but hers like trash. I don't go where I don't feel welcome and life is too short. My life is better for it. But not without collateral damage from it, but you have to identify your own threshold. I know I don't do well in situations like that. I hope you are able to resolve it....but by enabling her behavior, that helps no one.

@stacyk some people like to think she is.... her and her "baby daddy" are always on and off but they're legally married and went off to vegas and got married when she was pregnant. I think she could be but for her to be acting this way is wrong in my opinion. She made her choices. & it hurts but I think it is just time for me to cut her off and out of my life ... at least for now. She has a lot of growing up to do and I always try and help her out when I can but she isn't getting anywhere if people keep enabling her like you had said.

It's quite possible something happened between the two of them that you don't know about.

It's going to hurt, but it's her decision. Just move on. Still invite her - because you DO want her there - and then let the decision be up to her if she doesn't come.

You're looking at this all wrong. Your sister doesn't owe you a bridesmaid or a flower girl. People get married every single day without them. You're hyperfocused on that at the exclusion of the emotional support she needs right now. I can't believe you'd even entertain the thought of not inviting her to the wedding just because she doesn't want to be in the wedding or that you're upset that she "put me in a bind with a flower girl." Who cares about the flower girl? You said you forgave her for not wanting to be MOH, but there was nothing to forgive. She didn't do anything wrong by deciding to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH nor did she do anything wrong by deciding she didn't want to be in the wedding at all. Your sister is clearly upset and likely overwhelmed right now. Time to step out of the bridal shoes and be a sister.

You absolutely invited your sister! You'll regret it later if you don't invite her over something this petty, especially because you don't know the root of the problem. You need to talk to your sister.

Truth be told, you can be upset. I would, it makes NO SENSE to attend a wedding but not be a part of the wedding party.

However, this is a sign. She is clearly not willing to stand there and be supportive of your day. She probably just wants to enjoy the day, bring her baby daddy along. Take it as a sign and let it go.

Work on fixing/building your relationship if you still want one.

Your sister still gets an invite if you want her there. I think she should still get an invite though.

I agree with Elizabeth, you are focusing on the wrong things here. Instead of being supportive of your sister and niece, you are blaming her for ruining your wedding, you are blaming her relationship with your father, you're blaming her relationship with her partner. You have made disparaging remarks about both. Step back, sit down with your sister and ask her how you can be there for her. Maybe see if you can assist her in getting out of your mother's house.

Hey date twin! I'm sorry you're going through this. If your sister no longer wants to be a BM at this point, I'd still invite her. You can't worry about things like this that you can't control.

My dad isn't coming to my wedding because he and my mom don't get along at all. I was really disappointed at first, but you can't let other people's decisions make you feel like your day is ruined. You're there to marry your future husband. Focus on that & save the drama. Even though your sister doesn't want to be a BM, she still wants to be there at least. Invite her & let it go. Three months left! Breathe!

Didn't read all the comments here, but read OP's posts... Talk to her about her life and what's going on. Perhaps moving out will put a strain on her financially and that's why she isn't comfortable being in the wedding anymore (costs of her and her daughter's attire and other expenses).