My Parents Think We Are On Good Terms But i Don't Want Them At My Wedding

I say just stop talking to them. Especially if you're not engaged yet. If you weren't close with them before it probably won't be too strange to back away again.

I stopped talking to my dad for the passed 7 years. I have my issues with him but recently started to text him because I was gonna he the bigger person and not necessarily get over the situation but just to let go of my anger. I’m his only daughter so I will be inviting him. I went back and fourth on this trust me but I’m the end it’s not going to change my day with my FH. I won’t be focusing on him being there. For you though it sounds like you might be really focused on it. I would take a break from worrying about it right now and after your engagement start planning and see how you feel. Either way you decide is up to you and there’s nothing wrong with either choice.

I agree with Madison, you don’t have to have a final guest list now. You really don’t need a final list until you’re buying and sending invites, so you can add or remove them depending on how you feel then. I’ve felt similar conflict on inviting my dad. He didn’t want the responsibility of a baby when my mom got pregnant at 17 and bailed, I met him when I was 17 and we’ve had a strained relationship since. When my FH and I had our kids I initially swore he’d never see them, but the reasons behind it were my own issues and I’ve had to do a lot of work on myself to work on my resentment and anger. When my kids are old enough they can decide what relationship to have with him, for now we are civil. I obviously have no idea what has happened between you and your parents, but keep in mind that forgiving is for your own sake and mental health not theirs. You absolutely don’t need to invite them if you don’t want them there, but don’t hold on to the past. My feeling is, if your girlfriend is seeing why you don’t want them in your life, she’s seeing how interacting with them affects you and sees that it’s not a positive healthy relationship. Being blood relatives does not obligate you to have a relationship, but it’s also not fair to give someone a second chance and drag along baggage without trying to work through it- that’s not a fair chance at mending the relationship. Ask yourself if your current relationship with your parents is due to their current behavior or if you are still harboring those negative feelings from the past. I had to deal with this with my dad, I was so angry that he let mom and I struggle and then deemed to show up right as I was getting ready to turn 18 and become an adult with “I’ve always loved you” despite never helping us at all and not even knowing me. Family is hard, I’m glad your girlfriends family is supportive and has welcomed you!

When it's time to send the invites for the wedding write them a letter. Tell them you care for them as they are your parents but your relationship is not strong and you will not be inviting them to the wedding. Apologize for hurt feelings but empathize it is best for you as a couple (or just you) they do not attend. Best of luck.

*Emphasize not empathize

When you do get a final guest list, I would be honest with your parents. Calmly explain to them your reasons for not wanting them at your wedding. Maybe then they'll see things aren't as good like they thought and there can be room for some reconciliation. Wishing you the best of luck!

Don't take this the wrong way but you're not engaged. Until you are engaged and actual talk about wedding dates and stuff happening you shouldn't worry about it. From now until that point you have no idea whats going to happen. Its great to be preemptively planning but why? I wouldn't want to plan anything until I knew I was actually engaged. I don't meant his come across rude or anything just my personal thoughts. If you guys plan on getting engaged soon then yes this may be something you would have to address but if theres no actual plans in the works right now I wouldn't even worry about it. I would just let the relationship fizzle and address it when it needs to be addressed.

I understand ypur struggle as your struggle is also mine. Although I'm on speaking terms with my dad at the moment. Im not with my mother. Shes done soo many things growing up that were awful and yet she refuses to acknowledge her wrong doing and neglect. Recently my. Functioning drug addict mother started acting neurotic and irrational and at 41 yrs old I'm finally DONE. Not only is she not dependable as she arrives late to EVERYTHING and I refuse to wait for her on MY wedding day to accommodate her self centered life style. Yeah I'm just done! Even if she apologized, I also don't want her at my wedding. Although she is so self centered that I'm sure she wouldn't even notice I was getting married as she would be too pre-occupied hanging out with one of her back-stabbing friends or trying to scam some poor man for gifts 😖🤦🤦. Im just grateful my future in law's are pretty nice loving people. My MIL has actually been mire supportive in the 2 yrs Ive known her than my mother ever has. As a mother myself it just baffles me and the ONLY thing I can thank her for is showing me what a crappy mom looks like and I chose to be the opposite to my son.