My parents hate each other.

Hey Cassie,

I don't think not inviting them would be the best way to go, in my opinion, especially since you want them there. It's a tricky situation. I wish all parents and step parents could just ALWAYS get alone, but in some cases, it just doesn't go that way. How open would you be to ditching the daddy daughter dance? Because it seems like no matter what, someone is going to feel slighted or frustrated that they have to "share" you. Parents should be able to act civil. This sucks. How would you feel to walk down the aisle alone? It's soooo hard to give advice on this situation, because it's pertaining to 4 grown adults who are not going to get along! Sigh... sorry I couldn't be anymore help. Wishing the best for you

I'm sorry that your parents, or at least your dad, can't be mature enough to put their feelings aside for one day and just be there for you. I don't think not inviting them is the answer because you're close with them and will regret not having them there. You need to sit them all down, maybe even all together, and have a heart to heart to heart with them. Tell them how much you love all of them and want to include everyone but don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Maybe they'll agree to what you want or maybe they'll all come up with a compromise. Hopefully they'll see how important this is to you and will grow up....for one day at least. Good luck!

I agree with PPs, they sound like they'd truly want to be there. I just hope they can put aside any differences they have with one another for this day.

If your parents and stepparents genuinely love and want to celebrate with you, they can put aside their differences for one day! Hope everything turns out okay

Maybe give them separate distinct honors/responsibilities so that they are not sharing them. That might be difficult but just remind them that they need to think about the fact that YOU have a relationship with all of them and that doesn't take away from the love you have for them but it's important and meaningful to you if they can put their personal feelings aside to make you happy for this one event. Good luck. Tough situation.

View Quoted Comment Agreed! They need to grow up and act like adults for a day.

I would keep it simple but respectable. Say that you would be honored to have BOTH of them there. They don't need to be close to each other. Seat them far away and take pictures where their spouses take pictures with the other parent (ie: dad with moms new hubby and mom with dad new lady). This way you alwats have a complete pic. Hey even go a step further and do 2 extra pics with rach parent with their new spouse so all bases are covered. Make sure you spend equal amounts of time at each end of the event where your parents would be situated so they dont feel neglected and everything should be ok.. .

Sit your dad down and tell him that you love all your parents-steps included- and that this is your big day. Tell him you love him and you want him and your step dad to both walk you down the isle. It means everything to you to have both of them there for you but he needs to behave and act like an adult. Then leave the choice up to him on if he wants to come/participate in the wedding.
Side note-you might want to look into some kind of security in case something gets out of hand

Ok what if that other parent abused that sibling and have the nerve to show up. Knowing they haven't been in their life raising them, and the abuse child is in the wedding party ,has to face their abuser for the 1st time.?? It has nothing to with maturity in the other parent but the dislike of that human, kinda a Johny come lately trying to get credit for being a parent when they weren't??? Please trying to get answers on what can be appreciated

I dont know how to post this as a new discussion, here goes!

My daughter's father and I have been divorced for almost 30 years and he and I have never gotten along. Our youngest daughter is getting married and she tearfully asked me if we could celebrate seperately and have something with my family either before or after the big day. She explained that she could not enjoy her day knowing that there may be a confrontation.

While I assured her, I would never engage in such a situation, (I am non confrontational) she has never had both sides of her family at any event. Her fathers family is low drama and my family has had some unfortunate physical confrontations at gatherings, and alcohol sparks the fire. I am often embarrassed and uncomfortable so, I agree that although her father and I would be able to be civil, we are not so sure of the rest of the family members.

I will be involved at the church wedding and invite my family and friends to a post honeymoon celebration. Has anyone ever been in this situation and if so, how was it handled?

As much as you might expect and hope that everyone will cooperate on your special day there are times when it's just not the reality of the situation. Rather than throwing out immediate family invitations or making all this your hill to die on you might be better off arranging your timeline so that there is minimal overlap, even if it means dispensing with certain traditions. Lots of brides walk themselves down the aisle these days, for instance. Your stepfather could make one of the toasts. You could have a first dance with H, then dance with each of the dads later but without need of a spotlight. Seat them on opposite sides of the room. Get ready with your wedding party and have the moms come in at separate, prearranged times. With some compromise and accommodation you have more chance of getting the parents to behave with respect and civility. It shouldn't have to be this way, but sometimes it just is what it is.