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Just Said Yes September 2025

My parents can’t contribute to the wedding and i worry they won’t matter much at the weddjng

Anthony, on April 9, 2025 at 7:50 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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I’m getting married in September. My fiance is 29 and I’m 26. We are both nurses. My fiancé’s dad is a doctor and her mom is physical therapist. They are upper middle class. My parents are divorced. My mom was a police officer for 25 years, but since it was a rural area she never made a lot as compared to LEO in cities. My dad started off in law enforcement where he met my mom, but later became a teacher. My parents divorced when I was 11 and then remarried and had kids with their spouses. When I went to college, I had to take out some loans which I’m still paying off . My fiancée has no education debt and lives in a condo that was given to her by her grandparents.


I work a second job two weekends a month to help with wedding expenses. My fiancée’s parents are helping us with wedding expenses. Right now my parents can’t help us due to health issues and that’s ok. My dad is going to pay for the rehearsal dinner.
I know this is probably dumb, but I worry about my parents feeling left out/not mattering much at the wedding because they couldn’t contribute to the wedding.



9 Comments

Latest activity by WeddingME, on April 14, 2025 at 12:40 AM
  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't think what they contribute to the wedding should have any baring on their involvement in the actual wedding day. Having your parents in attendance and participating in things like your mom getting ready with you or having a corsage or your dad walking you down the aisle or having a father daughter dance can still be a thing even if they aren't contributing. Now I will say my fil (husband's parents are divorced as well) didn't contribute and he did have little involvement, but that was because he chose to not be overly involved. He never really asked us anything about the wedding, he told us he had work instead of attending the rehearsal even though he knew about it in advance, etc, but again that's because he made the choice to limit his involvement. It had nothing to do with us excluding him because he didn't contribute. If you make the choice to involve them in things like I previously mentioned then there should be no reason they should feel left out. It sounds like you are letting others opinions of your parents wealth cloud your judgement.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2025
    Anthony ·
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    I'm a male/groom not a bride.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Oops sorry about that. I should've realized that since your name is Anthony. But you can definitely still include your parents. Below are a few suggestions.

    1. Have your dad go with you to pick out suits/tuxes if you are going to a physical location.

    2. Have him get ready with you the morning of the wedding.

    3. Include both parents in the processional. Your dad could walk down the aisle with your step-mom and your mom could either walk down the aisle with you or your step-dad.

    4. A corsage for your mom and a boutonniere for your dad.

    5. If you are doing a grand entrance at the reception include your mom with your step-dad as her escort and your dad with your step-mom has his escort.

    6. One of my favorite pictures of my husband is with his mom pinning his boutonniere on.

    7. Son and mom dad at the reception.

    8. If either want to give a speech.

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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2025
    Anthony ·
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    My parents and stepparents will be in the procession and will have corsages and boutonnieres.

    My mom has said that since she didn't financially contribute to the wedding, she doesn't feel comfortable giving a speech or doing a mother/son dance.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I don't understand her logical about the dance and how she thinks that has anything to do with contributing. Maybe she will change her mind beforehand. I personally would sit down with her and tell her how much you love her and would like to do this dance with her. It shouldn't be about who is contributing what.


    It sounds like there's too much comparison going on between parents of who does what for this wedding. Frankly it should be between the couple getting married who contributes and not really any of the other parents business.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    There are so many other ways to contribute to a couple and their upcoming marriage that aren’t financial. It sounds like, other than not being as financially well off as your partner’s family, they are no less supportive. The parent dances have nothing to do with financial contributions. They’re meant to symbolize the importance the parent has had to raising their child and getting them to this point in their life.


    In this day and age, parent contributions to the wedding are less and less common, as couples tend to foot the bills themselves entirely. And the more old school view was that the bride’s parents paid for the wedding. So either way, your parents shouldn’t feel any less worthy just because they aren’t financially contributing.
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  • A
    Just Said Yes September 2025
    Anthony ·
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    Sadly, my mom feels she doesn't deserve to give a speech or do the mother/son dance since she didn't put any money into the wedding as a compared to my fiancee's parents

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  • R
    Rosebud ·
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    Do you want to dance with your mother, if the answer is yes tell her she s loved and supported you your whole life and that's the best form of payment you can ask for. Involvement in the wedding should not revolve around who contributes the most financially. Comparison is the thief of joy, let your mom know you want her to be a big part of your day and she's already given you more than you can ever repay. If you want your parents involved make sure they are and make sure they know how much you appreciate them and what they have done for you throughout the years.

    Some ways to include them

    Have a slide show during the cocktail hour with photos from both families

    Toast them a thank you at the rehearsal dinner

    Give a small gift at the rehearsal dinner

    Ask for their help/opinions with little details

    Have your dad help you pick out your suit

    Get ready with them and take photos with them before the wedding

    Dance with your mom

    Do a thank you to them in the program

    You can do a little nod them by serving their fave dessert , appetizer, or a custom drink

    Weddings are about love and family, let them know you do not expect nor need a financial contribution and there is no reason anyone else should even know (aside from your partner, but what your parents can or cannot contribute is none of any other guests business). Wishing a you beautiful day filled with love and support!

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  • WeddingME
    WeddingME ·
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    Honestly, your parents' presence and support mean so much more than money ever could. The fact that your dad is doing the rehearsal dinner shows they care in the ways they can. Just make sure they feel included in special moments, trust me, that matters more than any dollar amount.

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