Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Just Said Yes June 2022

My mother seems so disinterested and apathetic about my wedding

Amy, on September 9, 2020 at 7:29 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

Saved

Flag
Hide content

Hi fellow brides and grooms! I am having some issues with my mom when it comes to the wedding.
My fiance and I are engaged and to be married on June 11th 2022. He proposed to me during quarantine in March. We are over the moon, and I couldn't be happier.
We booked our venue in May over a video chat tour & secured our date. Then in July we went to an open house to see the venue. I of course wanted my mother there to see it for the first time with me along with my fiance and his parents & sister. I talked to everyone including my parents and we all decided on a day to go.
Fast forward to a week before we are supposed to go see the venue, my grandmother calls me and mentions that her and my mom are going out of town for the weekend to go visit other family members. This is the weekend of the open house that we were supposed to go to together. So I played dumb expecting my mom to at least tell me she wasn't going to come to the open house anymore. She never said a word to me about it. Finally it was the day before we were supposed to go so I brought it up. "Hey, we are still on for tomorrow right?" She then tells me she can't because grandma wants to go do this instead. I felt extremely hurt that she planned over our plans and didn't say anything to me about it until I confronted her. She never apologized. The last thing she said about it was "I mean it's okay, I saw pictures so"
Then the other day, my hair stylist who is also going to be doing my hair for the wedding asked me how many girls will need services. I invited my mother to come get hair done with us(along with my fiance's mom). My FMIL was ecstatic and so happy to be included. My mom says "nah that's for you and the girls". After I say "no I insist I really want you there with me it would be fun and I will pay!" She goes "I don't care for salons anyway." I then asked her a day later what color she is thinking about wearing to the wedding. I said "I don't care what color you wear as long as you are happy with it" and she says "I have no idea" and that was it.
Am I being ridiculous by feeling so hurt and broken hearted that she doesn't seem to want anything to do with my wedding? Am I being a baby? How do I confront her about this?
Thank you to anyone who went through and read my long post 💖

Flag
Hide content

9 Comments

Latest activity by Blane, on September 15, 2020 at 8:29 PM

Master October 2022
Jana · on September 9, 2020 at 7:36 PM
Flag

Hide content
Oh wow I'm sorry she's being like that. Feeling hurt is valid. You have a hope she wants to be happy for you and with you. Unfortunately she has decided not to be. At this point, stop asking her to be included or sharing details with her since she has expressed her feelings. Enjoy the planning and pre-wedding events/activities with your FMIL and bridesmaids.
- Reply
Master November 2022
Chrysta · on September 9, 2020 at 7:41 PM
Flag

Hide content
My mom was the exact same way at the beginning. As the date approached though, she got more excited & involved. I know as brides we are super excited about our big day right from the start and want everyone else to share in our excitement and zeal for planning, but the truth is most people won’t really get too excited about an event 2 years away. I heard from my mom over & over again “it’s still 2 years away (or a year & a half, or a year...) you have plenty of time to do that/think about that/ decide on that. I don’t think moms realize just how much time & planning goes into weddings these days. I would suggest just enjoying planning process with the expectation that your mom probably won’t be that interested for awhile- and if she is, then yay for unexpected surprises!
- Reply
Just Said Yes June 2022
Amy · on September 9, 2020 at 7:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
View Quoted Comment
I worry that I will hurt her feelings if I don't invite her, but when I do invite her she doesn't show interest. Its so confusing! She cried the day of my prom because she wasn't the one to help me into my prom dress. 🙃 so I am trying real hard to make sure something like that doesn't happen again.
- Reply
Super February 2021
Kerin · on September 9, 2020 at 10:45 PM
Flag

Hide content
That is so sad. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I agree with Jana, though. If she can't muster the energy to rise to the occasion, do what you want with people who want to share in the happiness. ::hugs::
- Reply
Super February 2020
Andrea · on September 10, 2020 at 12:38 AM
Flag

Hide content
🙋‍♀️ My mom 100%

She at least came to my dress fitting and tried her best to involve herself as much as she could, but after a while you could tell she did not want to talk about the wedding, or be involved... at all.
She then told me she didn’t want to have high expectations?!?!? I spent a whole week crying because I felt she wasn’t interested. People at work were more involved than my family who were going.
At the end of the day don’t ask for much from your mom. I wish my mom was more involved, but I knew that I just had to find people who could understand or would be willing to hear my complaints. WW is really good at being that sound board and I wish I used it more when I was driving home crying or feeling completely overwhelmed not knowing if I could ask my mom for advice. I completely understand where you’re coming from and know it will get better!
- Reply
Super December 2021
Casey · on September 10, 2020 at 2:00 AM
Flag

Hide content
Possibly the best advice the WW community has to offer is- "no one will ever be as excited for your wedding as you are." Your feelings are always valid but it's best to feel them and then let them go. Your wedding is still quite far off so, as PP mentioned, it's possible she will get excited closer to.

However, is this uncharacteristic for her? My mom had a similar venue reaction when I asked her if she wanted to tour some and I could /hear/ the disinterest through the phone lol. It doesn't mean she doesn't love me or isn't excited I'm getting married, but she just isn't into these kinds of details (she's a drive through chapel kinda gal 😂) If your mom is like mine then maybe these details aren't her thing- enjoy them with your FMIL I would still make offers for her to join you but with the expectation that she likely isn't interested and that's okay, too.
- Reply
Savvy April 2021
Victoria · on September 10, 2020 at 2:07 AM
Flag

Hide content
1) I’m sorry your mom isn’t as involved in the wedding process as you want/ at all.

2) my mom is kinda the same. She hears me out but very much in the boat of “you have so much time” and “ don’t stress, you have time” so I get it. Honestly like many of the other brides said on here, you just gotta do you and enjoy the ride. Trust me, I’ve banged my head a few times against the wall trying to include everyone but it’s almost impossible. Right now enjoy your fiancé and the planning process. It going to go by faster than you think once it’s all said and done
- Reply
Super March 2021
Kimberly · on September 10, 2020 at 2:56 AM
Flag

Hide content
I’m sure with your wedding being two years away and the fact that there is a pandemic going on maybe mom just doesn’t have it in her to be all about your wedding right now. It doesn’t mean she won’t be excited for you when it gets closer. And her not knowing what color she wants to wear is completely reasonable. Again it’s two years away. Relax a little. Plan things that you want to plan. Pinterest away. Talk to your mom about ideas but know that she may have a difficult time understanding the urgency of some things right now. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t care.
- Reply

Savvy August 2021
Blane · on September 15, 2020 at 8:29 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think it sucks that your mother isn't that excited about it. The old saying of "no one will ever be as excited as you are about your wedding." doesn't really address the sad fact that it hurts when someone close to you doesn't act like they care about something special to you.
I generally think that if someone cares about what makes you happy, they'll show that they care. If your gut is telling you that you sense apathy, you're probably right. She could eventually find a reason to get excited later, but I totally understand that she's not there for you now. The beginning stages of prepping can be just as exciting as the wedding day. And you want someone who loves you to share that with you in some way. I'm sorry she's not. I get how that can hurt. Who knows what she's going through or her reasons for not being excited for you, but I hope you can accept her and just focus on how good you feel on the big day.
- Reply

The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your Wedding — Wedding Services The Best Black Friday and Cyber Monday Deals for Your... The holiday season is the perfect time to score wedding deals. These Cyber...

Speeches & Traditions The Ultimate Guide to Greek Wedding Dances Rompi Rompi to Mavi Mavi, kick off your shoes and get ready to review classic...

Trends & Tips 7 Ways to Learn More About Wedding Vendors It can be tough to narrow down the long list of wedding vendors near you, but...

Post content has been hidden

My mother seems so disinterested and apathetic about my wedding

9 Comments

Related articles