My mother is unable to let me go.

I have not been in this situation. But it seems weird to me personally. Are you her only daughter ? Or are you guys close ? If so she could be upset to be having you leave

This is really odd to me. I would honestly explore any other living situations and have a talk with your mom. Is she still married to your dad? Is he the same way? If he's around and doesn't act the same maybe talk to him 1st, have him act as kind of a middleman/mediator if you think it's going to cause problems. At 26 about to be married you shouldn't be treated like a kid.

View Quoted Comment Yes I am her only daughter, and we are close. But, this behavior has been just so controlling. It's choking me. And I do think she is upset that I am leaving.

Unfortunately it’s really hard to set boundaries with parents while you’re still living in their home. When will you be moving out? Can you find a way to move out sooner?

View Quoted Comment I am glad this situation is odd because my mother
makes me feel like this is normal. My father and her are still married and no he does not see it the way she does. He sees me as an adult and does tell her that she needs to let me go. But she refuses to listen and fights with him too. And unfortunately I have no where else to go as my fiance and I are saving the money to move. We aren't there yet sadly.

View Quoted Comment It is so hard. Unfortunately we won't be moving til probably next May or June, about a month or two before the wedding. By that point he and I will have saved up enough to leave. I just feel so stuck.

Is she paying for the wedding? If so, pick your battles carefully and don't sweat minor irritations. Mom's are moms. Every single one has some annoying thing they do. I love my mother dearly but there is not enough money on the world to make me move back in with her. Since you are already financially struggling, losing her support could force you to make compromises you aren't prepared to make. Also, she may just be subconsciously lashing out about money. Money makes people act super weird. Add that to"my baby is leaving me" and you get a cocktail for controlling style crazy.

Here comes the great big but.

But she cannot put limits on how much time you spend with your future husband. Period. On this I strongly recommend you put your foot firmly down.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! That actually put things in perspective for me. Mainly who is helping with the Wedding is my Father, but they consider it "their money". But, you are right. At least when it comes to my FH I have to fight for that.

I’m 23 and my mom is like that too, it’s just me and my sister but man, I feel trapped. My parents are old fashioned, they never wanted me to move out until I was married, so guess what, I’m moving in until the day of my wedding. She always tells me, oh why are you with him all the time? He should come over and you shouldn’t! I feel like our moms aren’t ready to let us go, and they to start feeling lonely, they’re still used to us being home, being there. But for me, since we’ve gotten engaged Ive been with my fiancé much more to wedding plan is what I always tell her. But my parents have always been controlling, I’ve been with him for 5 years and I think they’re just jealous that they’re little girl is growing up. They don’t know how to act. I’m the first born so I get the damage first lol rather than my sister. Just a few more months and you’ll be gone and hopefully have a better connection with your mom by missing her. And not being angry at the fact on how they acted, that’s how I think of it. Good luck!

I totally understand! Things get touchy w/parents esp if you’re living with them and they’re paying. You don’t want to come off as disrespectful or insensitive. My advice:
- reassure your mom that you love her and no one can take her place. Arrange some alone time with her. It should help put her at ease
- tell your fiancé the situation. Let him know that mom gives you grief if y’all are out too long just so that he understands. Maybe every now and then y’all can spend time together at the house
- tell your dad that this is really stressing you so he can be an ally when you’re out w/your fiancee
- finally, try not to get pulled into a fruitless argument w/mom. She’s being unreasonable and acting out of fear- your logical rebuttals won’t matter. Let her say her piece, set some boundaries (i.e. length of time you’ll be gone) and just stick with them but don’t argue.

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Agreed I was living with my parents when DH and I first started dating, mind you I was in my early 20's and mom wanted to control everything! She refused to help me with student loans because of a petty argument we had a year prior. She was always upset that I spent the weekend at DH's house so luckily we put on offer on a house and got engaged shortly after so I moved out and it helped a lot. When you're under their roof they will always see it as an opportunity to control you.

You are way too old for a curfew or things like that. It's time to move out and be your own adult.

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I agree. I understand you are trying to save money for your wedding but independence is well worth some sacrifices. I've had roommates I hated, lived in terrible apartments, because that's way better than living with my mom again, ever. She would literally still dress me, answer my phone and write my emails, and decorate my house if I let her. She didn't want a daughter, she wanted a dolly.

Anyway, if there's any way to swing it, I would look into ways to find your own place for a while. It doesn't have to be awesome. It can be totally awful, but the freedom to live in a crappy apartment is far better than living in a comfortable jail.

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I so agree! I honestly don't get why and how people in their late 20s and 30s live w their parents... Growing up comes with responsibilities. The beauty of it is that it also comes w freedom.

Why not move in with your fiance? Could be a great test run before marriage. And honestly... sucking it up, being completely disrespected by your parent so they can tell you how to live and how your wedding will be... nope.

My fiance also lives with his parents. So living with him will have me also dealing with his parents as well. I appreciate you guys input on this, but as I said ealier, my Fiancé and I will be moving out next spring. Once we have a good chunk of money to put down on whatever we decide to live in. Luckily every decision I have made for the wedding had been mine and mine alone. Mostly I will be putting up with this for a couple more months.

I would really try to move out sooner. You are an adult and she is not treating you like one. Her behavior is unhealthy.