My mother is being so negative and I don't know how to get her to back off while not hurting her feelings.

If you've been in tears every day this week, then I think it's time to stop talking to mom for a bit.

set your cell phone so that her number will go straight to voicemail.

then tell your groom to listen to the voicemails.

think you'll have to tell her to back off. do you have a dad or aunt that can help with this? bet she thinks if she pushes you enough you'll do what she wants. please don't let her pull this stunt. she doesn't have to like your ideas, and I think your ideas sound like a lot of fun! heck, invite me. I'll sit next to mom and deal with her. she sounds JUST like my mom and my aunt- I've had lots of practice !

don't give in and be strong!

I had a similar issue with my Aunt is who is like a Mother, (mine died when I was 11). She like to voice her opinion and tell me her ideas. I just tell her its our day and not hers! Weddings have changed in the 50+ years since she got married.

I'd see her point a *little* if you were inviting some of her friends and she wanted to make a type of impression. But that would only be okay for her to think that way if she's also helping pay. I know my FH's mom has expensive taste and cares quite a bit about things mostly because she wants us to be happy but also because I think she wants to look good. BUT your mom isn't helping so do exactly what you want, I'm sure everyone will have an awesome time.

I say you need to not talk about the wedding with her, tell her that right now you just want her to be supportive and happy that you're getting to marry an awesome guy and in the end the details don't matter as long as there is a wedding and fun celebration. I agree with StitchingBride, time to not talk for a little bit. Keep the details to a minimum when you talk to her too.

It's your day. You have the right to do whatever you'd like to with your wedding (especially since you're paying for it - if she was contributing, maybe she'd have a little more say).

Have you talked to her about this? Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. I had a similar situation with my mother. She would always say "It's your wedding, you should do what you want to do," but then later she'd make little comments that made me feel bad about my choices. With my mom, I just told her nicely that I appreciate her input, but there are things that I really want to do and her comments make me feel like I can't do them. Maybe you could have a similar discussion with your mother?

Unfortunately, one of you is going to be hurt. So, pick who it is.

My mom hasn't made em cry yet but has been somewhat negative about a lot of my ideas. When she and my father got married (now divorced) she really didn't get anything she wanted. I finally told her the other day to stop making my wedding all about what she didn't get and let my wedding be about me and FH. Talk to her about it. You're the bride and you're paying for the wedding so at the end of the day, it's completely up to you.

Just have a rote line that you say when she lashes out or is negative like "oh well, i think its going to be fun" or "well if you want to improve things you can pay for some walking musicians" or "thank you for your input mom, im ,aking a list of everything youve said about the wedding, which i will recite for our welcome speech"

Well, I think it is going to be fun. That was definitely by go to phrase. Then one day when my mom's negativity was at an all time high I essentially asked her to go home early because I couldn't handle any more negative comments. After that I think she realized how hurtful she was being. She apologized the next day (which my mom has NEVER done before) and has been much better ever since. Sometimes you just need to be a little direct. The last month of wedding planning with my mom has been so much better than the year and a half before it.

Thank ya'll for the advice! I will be doing thos next time wedding gets brought up. I saw her today at nephew birthday and she brpught up the wedding and i basically told her everything is going accordingly as planned and I'd rather not talk about ot bit instead celebrate a birthday

She hushed right up! It's so nice having the forum it has such an amazing group of supoortive ladies!

My mom has been my only source of stress so far as well. I stopped talking about wedding stuff with her, and gave her some projects to work on. That got her off my back.

I think this sounds like a fun reception. Just go for it. When I got married my family was negative and stressful. That didn't change after the wedding. You can try to have a conversation, but otherwise just let it go. And I agree with letting her calls go to voicemail.

There are times that I felt like this with my own mom, and like you, FH and I are paying for our wedding. I simply tell her that since we are the ones paying, it's our say and it's our day, otherwise I will gladly hand you the bill. That usually shuts her up.

I confess to not having read all the comments, but please, please, do not give in. My mother RAN my first wedding, because she was "paying for it", when I found the dress of my dreams, my mother cringed at the $800 price tag, I told her it was no problem for me to pay for it, she said no, she can make it. She did, and it was short and not the dress I dreamed of. It sucked. I have since told her how mean she was at my first wedding. It is super out of character for her. She has calmed down this time, even letting me help pick out her dress. Super sweet. Do yourself a favor and tell her now. They really mean the best, but their intentions can be misplaced.

I started to talk to my mom about wedding ideas I had and she kept saying "that's going to be too expensive". Finally I started joking around and saying... okay we will get a pavilion with picnic tables, have a pot luck style and byob dinner. We will decorate it with Christmas lights. And we will get rocks and write our names on them and give them out as favors! She is big on etiquette! I had her laughing so hard at her work she just stopped complaining. She still can't get over the fact that we are going to have 200 guests. We are also paying for the wedding ourselves.

Maybe next time she "imposes" make some very ridiculous "idea" and use it as a joke?

Next time this happens I'm going to say something like, "the rocks are starting to sound like a good idea" Inside joke to lighten the mood and get my point across.