My Mother and i Aren’t Seeing Eye to Eye #weddingplanning

Is your mother helping you pay for the wedding? And what is the reason she doesn't want you to invite this friend?

You have plenty of time to think about this still so see how things shake out. I would say that this may not be something worth fighting for unless you are really close to this person and your mother is truly being just dramatic but will come in the end.

View Quoted Comment My fiancé and I are paying for the wedding ourselves. My mother and his mother are chipping in here in there for smaller things however. There’s a lot of baggage that I guess goes with this family friend of ours due to her parents and my mother not seeing eye to eye, but I remained very close with her because we’ve been friends since the fifth grade. I guess I will have to sit and think about it some more. But I just wanted to have my friend there because it would mean so much to me despite everything. Thank you for your response! I appreciate it :-)

Let your not calm down and talk to her about how it's important she be there but she resurrect your decisions whether she agrees or not. I will say if you give in I wouldn't share more about your wedding planning and if she asks questions keep the convo short. If she asks why you won't discuss simply tell her last time you for you got into a full argument and you want to avoid that.

View Quoted Comment Kristen, thank you so very much for your time and attention. I feel like that’s where I would lean to as well if I do concede. I think that’s a real smart way of looking at it too. Thank you so much.

View Quoted Comment No worries and I am sorry she being difficult. I read time and time again on here family members threatening not to attend such an important day due to their hang ups. We're adults and we should put it aside for one event.

View Quoted Comment I think it comes down to compromise. It’s an important concept especially when it comes to putting pride aside. I hope to have better news to report in the future. I hope more people can adapt your frame of thinking as well! I agree!

I feel like if you give it time your mother will realize she's being petty. I doubt she'll ultimately decide to not be a part of your wedding just because she doesn't like one of your friends.

View Quoted Comment Thank you Sarah. I was going to give it a few days before making a decision one way or the other with proceeding forward. I appreciate your thoughts immensely!

Don't share your whole guest list with her until RSVP are returned. If then. Relatives, friends of hers she regularly sees, and may want to talk with about the wedding or showers, tell her. But frankly which of your friends, or FI, you invite or don't, is none of her business. See how close you feel to this friend as the wedding gets closer. Invite her if you want her, though not the mother your mom dislikes. It is likely an empty threat. But if she keeps it up, tell her how unhappy it makes you to be so low in your priorities that she would rather not come at all than simply be civil to someone she does not like. How childish. And how uncaring about you. And walk away. Or write it in an actual letter and put it in the mail. When she is alone she can read it a few times, without you there to fight with. This is the beginning of your marriage. Is Mom going to tantrum when you invite people she does not like to your house on holidays? Birthdays? Get upset that you seem to spend more time with in law's or friends than her? All with a threat, choose them or me. It is a long time til 14 months from now . Stand your ground now. Don't compromise on things that are completely not her business. She may be paying for flowers or a dessert or the bar, whatever you call smaller things. But banning someone you consider a friend, known since childhood, is simply over the top self involved behavior. I assume she does not stay home from Court, or church, or her clubs, or work, or where she shops, because she is unable to be civil to people she does not know, or does not like. Depending on the size of the wedding, she can simply smile and go talk to someone else, not dreaded friend. Nursing grievances may be her personality. Don't let her fights become yours. If she carries on, just look over her head, or study the wall, ignore her. If she keeps it up, walk away. Don't give in or honor her garbage, or she will continue to use this to get her way. In the end, she will come to see you married.

View Quoted Comment Judith I really appreciate your words. Thank you for your time and attention to this. You’ve given me a lot of reinforcement where I needed it. Thank you.