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Tori
Beginner August 2020

My mom's acting strange during this process

Tori, on November 20, 2019 at 7:56 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 20
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Hey ladies! I'm so excited we just got engaged in mid- October and I told everyone they had to wait u til November 1st to talk to us about wedding planning so we had time to tell everyone about it and be exited about it. My mom was bursting at the seams every day until the 1st. Then when it came... She never talked to me about it... She still hasn't. And id like to talk to her about it but I'm not sure how to go about bringing it up since every time I try she has to go and hangs up the phone.



This is 100% the opposite of my mother and was just curious if anyone else has been or is going through something similar.
Also how do I approach her with kind of saying HEY TALK TO ME ABOUT MY BIG SPECIAL DAY. Advice?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Heather, on November 21, 2019 at 7:32 PM
  • Cyndy
    Rockstar May 2019
    Cyndy ·
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    Wow that’s kind of strange. If she hadn’t been so excited in the beginning I would say to move forward and just do your thing, but it seems like something happened to make her do a 360. I would just sit down and ask her directly what changed and see if you can get back on track with her.
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  • Kristyn
    Devoted July 2020
    Kristyn ·
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    First congrats on the engagement what an exciting time!!! I kind of had a similar sitauatio when my FH and I got engaged I felt like I was going to be doing everything on my own even dress shopping seemed to be an inconvenience for my mother and sister so I finally just one day sent a bunch of pictures of ideas I had of my wedding inspiration and a date to a dress shop I had made arrangements for a group of 3 to be at about a month out and was like so this is what I am going to be inspiring from for my wedding and this date I will be trying on dresses I would love you to come but if not that's okay and well! they both showed up and seemed to he more interested in the wedding planning since it may be she doesnt want to rush or put her opinions on you before you really share your ideas first. good luck
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  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
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    Why don’t you just bring it up with her?
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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
    • Flag
    My mom was that way aha. She didn't seem excited. I contribute it moreso to her not really being a person that is into event planning though
    • Reply
  • Rebecca
    Rockstar August 2019
    Rebecca Online ·
    • Flag

    I'm sorry. I understand.

    My mother didn't even call me for 5 months after my engagement. And then, suddenly, she wanted to help (nearly everything was planned by then). She ended up not coming to the wedding because she disliked our choices (they were not made to please her).

    I think you should email your mom, or try to talk to her face to face.

    Weddings can bring out the worst in people, and strain relationships that aren't great in the first place.


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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Yeah I think I'll have to sit down with her when I fly to see her for Thanksgiving. It's just so odd. She normally calls me everyday and usually loves to plan parties. She also loves my fiance, so it's not that she doesn't approve. It's so odd.
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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    I try to bring it up with her, but every time I call she is "too busy to talk" or she says "let me call you back in 5 minutes" and it'll be days, until I decide I need to call her.
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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Thanks for the input. I'll kind of try this out. It's just more difficult because she's in Portland while I live in LA. So I feel like I can't exactly spring it on them
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  • Brianna N
    Super October 2019
    Brianna N ·
    • Flag

    Another thing to consider, maybe something happened in her own life not related to you and the wedding? Just a thought! Maybe reach out to her and don't mention the wedding, just check in on how she is doing! Smiley smile

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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Yeah I've already tried that unfortunately. In fact I always make sure to try to ask her about her life before I bring up any wedding talk and it feels like she dodges it every time it's brought up. It's so odd. I'm just going to wait until I see her in person. I fly out Monday so this way she can't Dodge it lol.
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
    • Flag

    It could be a lot of things, honestly. It could be that she'd like to help pay for her daughter's wedding, but can't afford to, so that makes her sad. It could be that the realization has hit that her baby is all grown up and getting married. It might just be too much for her to think about. By refusing to talk about it, she can pretend it's not happening.

    I'm not saying that any of these scenarios are actually true with your mom. But I'm a mom of a grown daughter, so I was trying to figure out what might make a mom act that way. This is no ordinary party to plan. This is a huge life event, and some people take time adjusting to this big of a change.

    Hopefully, you can sit down with her in person and find out what's bugging her. I hope it's something you guys can work out, because there's something so special about a mother sharing this experience with her daughter. I actually can't wait for my turn to be MOB!

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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Awe thank you so much for taking the time to not only respond but also think about what could be happening. This actually hits pretty close to home, so you might be right in both of these scenarios. I'll see what we can do when I get there ❤️
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  • Alejandra
    Super March 2021
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag
    She may also just be dealing with the thought of her child growing up. From what I’ve heard it happens and everyone deals with it differently. Try to talk to her about it in person if you can.
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  • Kristyn
    Devoted July 2020
    Kristyn ·
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    Oohhh wow yes that may be hard but if you try to maybe say a date your gonna try on dresses maybe a little more in advance maybe she can make arrangements to come? it would leave it all up to her like hey I'm gonna dress shop thos date do you think you could find time to make it here for this date? and just sending pictures of ideas may help break the ice like these are some inspiration to what I wanna plan and have done for the wedding could give her the opportunity to have a conversation without feeling she is overstepping
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  • A
    Savvy May 2021
    Allison ·
    • Flag

    I'm going through a similar thing. Fiance proposed at the beginning of this month. My mom was there (He asked her and his mom to plan a family engagement party that started roughly a half hour after he proposed) and it was really special because my family is West Coast and his is East. Anyway, my mom tried to throw us into planning it on the next day, but we told her we were just going to enjoy things for a bit. So he went for a nap and she took me to Kleinfeld's. So, yeah...


    Anyway, once we started actually planning, she got a bit weird. She definitely shared her opinions and stuff, which I took in stride, but strongly overreacted to my ideas (which I may keep as fodder for toasts). Then it came out that she was struggling between wanting me to have the wedding I want and wanting the wedding she wants. Also she didn't feel like she was a good resource/authority on wedding planning. So I guess the best thing to do is to just tell your mom everything you want and make it clear that you do want her opinion, you don't care if she's not the foremost authority, and you want her "signature" in some detail of the day.

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  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
    • Flag

    Hi Tori

    I am so sorry that you are going through this with your mom. I had something similar happen with my mom, she was super excited when I got engaged and we even were squirming over planning a wedding which we kind of didn't really see happening prior to my engagement. Then here comes the baby (me) and I get engaged, first female in our family to have a legit wedding and I think it hit her like a wave of cold water. She realized that her baby girl was getting married, would things change? How? When? Why? I think there was like a shock period to it for our parents, maybe they take it differently but I def feel like my mom hit this and then eventually once planning was going smoothly then she got into the hang of things and everything went back to normal. My mother was a single mother and raised two daughters, the men in our family were utterly disappointing and my mom really stepped up everywhere she had to for us so I think that for my mom at least it took her a while to get used to the my daughters getting married part but everything went back to normal. Give her a little bit of time, she'll come around to it!

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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Thanks for the advice. It really helps to know that I'm not the only person who's experiencing this ❤️
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  • Tori
    Beginner August 2020
    Tori ·
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    Thanks! All of you are seriously helping my mental health on why my mom whom I've been so close with is suddenly acting strange. I'm going to talk to her about it and bring wedding magazines with me when I go for Thanksgiving. Hopefully she will seem more excited, and realize that I want her to be excited for me and WITH me during the process.
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  • Alejandra
    Super March 2019
    Alejandra ·
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    You're very welcome, it hurt me a lot too when I saw my mom pull away from me and the wedding. We cried a lot, were emotional about so many decisions and what not but at the end of the day no one stepped up like she did and was there for me. I am hopeful that when she see's you in person things will change direction, let her know that you want her help and input, my mom was also hesitant with being too overwhelming so that was another reason.

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  • H
    Devoted November 2019
    Heather ·
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    The poster that mentioned money could be on to something. She might be stalling to figure out what she can afford to contribute.
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