Hi all! I definitely need help with this one. My mom has a friend, let’s call her Jane. My fiancé (boyfriend at the time that we met her) and I met Jane at a pub crawl about 4 years ago. She was nice at first, but when I asked my fiancé if I should get another glass of wine, Jane butted in and said “oh you have to take orders from him now? You’re already at that point in your relationship? This won’t last long.” We we’re totally taken aback. How could someone that just met us talk to us this way? The pub crawl continues and she became a belligerent drunk; cursing in restaurants with families in them, stumbling over herself. Literally awful.
I’ve told my mom my issues with Jane many times and my mom continues to blow me off and say “that’s not what happened, you’re remembering it wrong, I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.” Totally gaslighting the situation.
Fast-forward to now, my fiancé and I are planning our wedding and my mom really has the nerve to ask if she could invite Jane. I told her all of the reasons why and my mom very passive aggressively said “just forget it.” Am I in the wrong here? How do I address this with my mom without it turning into world war 3? I feel like she doesn’t understand where my fiancé and I are coming from.