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Kimber
Just Said Yes April 2021

My mom refuses to buy a new dress for my wedding

Kimber, on November 19, 2020 at 2:23 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 1 46
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My mom is a stubborn person who refuses to do anything asked of her if she doesn’t find it fun. She bought my beautiful Justin Alexander dress but she refuses to buy a new one for herself. She wants to just use one of the dresses she has worn many times in her closet.
I’m not picky she doesn’t need to spend a bunch of money, she can buy the damn thing at Ross for all I care but she won’t.
Anyone else have this issue? How did you handle it?

46 Comments

Latest activity by Kimberly, on November 21, 2020 at 9:17 PM
  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag
    I personally don’t see an issue. If it’s a dress that fits the occasion and is not obviously worn or not in good condition, then let her wear it. It’s not required that everyone attending the wedding needs new attire.
    • Reply
  • Shelly
    Devoted January 2022
    Shelly ·
    • Flag

    My mom is a super fashionista so buying a new one is a must for her haha! That being said, maybe since your mom purchased your dress, she's wanting to save money by reusing one of hers? Not sure what her financial situation is which is why I'm saying 'maybe' with that scenario. Are any of the dresses she owns appropriate for your wedding? Do any of them clash terribly with your wedding vision?

    We all want our mothers to feel and look beautiful on our wedding day. Do you think she'd be more willing to wear a new dress if you purchased it? Kind of like your gift to her?

    If she continues to be stubborn about it, then I'd let it go. You don't want to stress yourself over a minor detail like that. Especially on your wedding day! I'm sorry she's being so hell bent on wearing one of her older dresses, moms can be frustrating during wedding planning!

    • Reply
  • Minimalist Bride
    Master April 2021
    Minimalist Bride ·
    • Flag
    No, i dont see an issue and I dont try to control what others wear. I told our parents that if they show up looking like a fool, expect to be cropped out of pics. No need fir me to stress over what they are wearing.
    • Reply
  • Fleur
    October 2020
    Fleur ·
    • Flag
    Yeah I would not be happy. This assumes of course she can afford the dress but chooses not to buy one. I would have a hear to heart and explain that this is one of my life’s most major milestone celebrations and as my mother she should dress to honor the occasion. As a last resort I’d honestly offer to buy one from someplace like Lulu’s using their coupons or take her to Ross some morning and just buy it. Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I honestly don't see an issue with her re-wearing a dress, as long as it fits the occasion.
    • Reply
  • Stacey
    Devoted May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag

    I think I'm missing why this important? As long as she wears a dress appropriate for the level of formality, I'm not following why it must be new?

    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    Devoted April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag

    I don't see the issue she has a dress that she wants to wear as long as it's not white I don't see a problem with it

    • Reply
  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
    • Flag
    I think it depends on if the dress fits the formality of the wedding and still looks in good condition. My mom was so difficult. She literally wasn't sure about a dress until days before my wedding. At one point, she was going to wear a skirt and top combo that didn't at all fit the formality of our wedding as he had a very formal wedding. It was also a rather old skirt and top combo that she had owned for well over 10 years so I definitely wasn't thrilled with that. She ended up wearing a dress she had purchased for the wedding, but kept second guessing. I was so much happier.
    • Reply
  • Kimber
    Just Said Yes April 2021
    Kimber ·
    • Flag
    Let me clarify something. I know my mom well and I feel like we will regret not getting a new one. I have a step mom who is vary fashionable and I want my mom to feel like she put her best foot forward.
    I am thinking I will buy offer to buy her one, it really is not about the money. It’s about making sure she feels like her best that day.
    If not... whatever I’m over it
    • Reply
  • M
    Super January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag
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    I agree with PP that this isn't something you should try to micromanage. And even your clarification doesn't change my mind. If your mom chooses not to buy something new and then regrets it after the wedding, that is 100% on her. She will have to live with that consequence. You, on the other hand, will just get to enjoy your wedding and being married. Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Shelly
    Devoted January 2022
    Shelly ·
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    You know your mother better than we ever will, so you ultimately need to do what you think will work out best! Offering to buy her one is a nice gesture that she'll hopefully appreciate, but it also ensures that she'll look and feel her best!

    Good luck planning!

    • Reply
  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    This hasn't been an issue for me because I don't care about whether anything people are wearing to my wedding is new or not, only that it "works" with the overall look/vibe we are going for. That means bridesmaids wearing shades of soft/dusty pink or similar dusty hues, groomsmen in navy suits, parents in colors that don't clash with what our wedding party is wearing, and guests in appropriately semi-formal to formal attire. If people can buy something previously owned or re-wear something they already have and it works, that's fine with me.

    Now if someone in our wedding, like our parents or members of the wedding party, wanted to wear something they already owned that was well worn and didn't look fresh - perhaps it was badly faded, lost its shape, had a visible stain, no longer fit, or otherwise looked kind of shabby - then I'd probably object and ask them to get something in better condition, but otherwise, I don't see how this is an issue, or something that the bride should dictate.

    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    While I agree with PPs, I don’t think it’s a problem for your mom to re-wear a dress if she has one that she really loves and feels good in and it fits the formality of your event, I also think it depends on why she does not want to purchase a new dress for the wedding. Is it a financial concern? Laziness? Body issues? I ask because I know my mother can tend to be very frugal. My parents are very comfortable financially, so it’s not a matter of not having finances. She just feels bad ever spending money on herself! Also, she had ovarian cancer a couple years ago and had to go through chemo and radiation and is on medications, and the combo of it all has caused her to gain weight; which has significantly affected her self image. She hates shopping, especially for special occasions, because she thinks she “looks fat” in everything. Because of these two issues, I have ordered 12 dresses that I think would look beautiful on her and flatter her figure and are having them delivered to her home (unbeknownst to her lol). This way she can try them on in the comfort of her own home (plus with Covid who wants to go to a store right now?!). I am having all the prices hidden on the receipt so she cannot determine whether or not she likes addressed dressed based on the price, because I know she will! LOL that being said, depending on the reason for your mom not wanting to get a new dress, maybe you doing something like this would be good for her!
    • Reply
  • Caitlin
    Savvy May 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    Nope, buy a new damn dress. Its your special day. Everyone will look nice and shell be in a dress/ outfit everyone has seen before.. im harsh but its a wedding not just a party.
    • Reply
  • E
    December 2021
    EF ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    What a wonderful gesture. Your mom will be thankful I am sure.

    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
    • Flag
    I think it is terrific that she already has a dress she likes and is comfortable in, saving one more hassle of shopping. Family, not the couple, choose their own clothes, with no direction, and no need to match or avoid matching the wedding party. So be happy she has made a choice, and move on. 3 of us kids, and 5 first or second cousins on Mom's side, all got married the summer we did. She bought 2 dresses for a charity ball and a wedding the year before, and wore either of those or something from her closet for all of them. She is always beautifully dressed. Why would I have done anything, except be grateful. I already had a grandmother and a great aunt I offered to take shopping. They have vision issues. I hope my mom is independent another 20 years or so.
    • Reply
  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    I applaud someone who has no need to compete with her ex husband's new wife, your step mother. There is no competition, which is a good thing for you. Let them each be themselves, without interference from others.
    • Reply
  • Rhiamae
    Devoted February 2021
    Rhiamae ·
    • Flag

    Personally, I don't think your mom has to buy a new dress as long as it's wedding appropriate, At least your mom is going to your wedding, as soon as I got engaged my mom moved out of the country, and won't even try to make it for my wedding. Now all she does is contact me asking for money...

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I just wanted to say this is the sweetest thing ❤. I hope one of the dresses makes her feel absolutely beautiful!
    • Reply
  • Chrysta
    Rockstar November 2021
    Chrysta ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you, I sure hope so!
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