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Bailey
Just Said Yes October 2020

My Mom is my wedding planner and it’s not going well

Bailey, on May 23, 2020 at 10:05 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 14
My mom has been planning my wedding for me and with me. But in every area we would brainstorm these beautiful ideas and she would say that she got it done and then later would come back and say let’s do this instead, something completely opposite of what I visioned. Even on the day I went wedding dress shopping we had agreed on a budget for months and when my consultant asked she answered for me completely cutting the price in half without discussing it with me at all. I’ve compromised and let it all slide cause she’s my mother and she means well. But now our last step is catering and she is trying to what she’s been doing but my fiancé and I wanted to put our foot down for at least one thing on our wedding day. I went to talk to her and calmly explained I appreciated her help but that was not what my fiancé and I visioned to have on our day, well she got so upset at me and won’t talk to me. Has anyone been put in this tough situation? How would you recommended handling this?

14 Comments

Latest activity by Naikesha, on May 26, 2020 at 11:25 AM
  • Tera
    Dedicated June 2020
    Tera ·
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    It’s a hard situation because of course you want your mom’s input but it seems she isn’t allowing you to plan your wedding and she has taken over. I’m sure she just wants your day to be perfect in her eyes but would she act this way with other couples if they were her clients. You have to talk to her again with your fiancé present and tell her how you’ve both been feeling and that you do truly appreciate and value all she does but you want to make final decisions for your day. Sometimes it’s best not to work with family members for special events for this reason; it’s hard to get upset or really say what you want because you don’t want to hurt anyone. But if this were someone else as your wedding planner I’m sure you wouldn’t accept it so easily. Weddings really do cause a lot of stress at times for small things. I also had some disagreements with my mom because she seemed to want to take over on certain things; I think moms just get very excited and want a perfect day for their child so much they don’t realize they are taking over major decisions for the wedding.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    This is why I would never recommend having family or friends have vendors because it can cause a lot of personal drama. I have seen a lot of brides post how their friend or family member was supposed to be a DJ or help with food and it ended up being a disaster. I would plan the rest of your wedding without your mom's help. If you really need a wedding planner, I would hire a professional rather than relying on family.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Is your mother a professional wedding planner or are you just having her help out?
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  • N
    Dedicated July 2020
    N ·
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    Is she paying for the wedding? Or are you and your fiancé paying? I just wonder if her reaction is to the price tag. We’re paying our own, so I went thru several of these same conversations with myself after seeing price tags. If she is paying for it or contributing substantially, then my thought is you should let her budget accordingly. If she’s not contributing then just let it roll off (I know that’s tough with moms) and get the day you want.
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  • Bailey
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Bailey ·
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    Im Just having her help! I’m her first child to get married to so I understand she is stressed about it, I’m just not sure how to talk to her reasonably and without hurting her feelings.
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  • Bailey
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Bailey ·
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    It is actually my grandparents and we run the price tags by them, the strange this is they approved our previous ideas and then she would go back to change them. This biggest issue being she wants a rehabilitation center to cater and she is guilt tripping me in saying that is snot option I want to go with... nothing to do with them or the people it’s just my wedding day I was hoping for a catering company that would know a little more what their doing to be over that that day...
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  • Mandee
    Devoted September 2020
    Mandee ·
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    I firmly told my mother that while I appreciate her help, my FH and I have the final say in all of the wedding things. She didn't speak to me for a month. I chose to take the high road and ignore her tantrum and I simply don't talk about the wedding with her anymore!

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  • J
    Master 0000
    Judith ·
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    Good for you. You should have put your foot down long age. As is, wait out her tantrum and decide on catering.
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    Oh my, that sounds suspiciously like cafeteria food to me. You and your fiance need to put your wishes front and center, and sorry if she can't handle that. It sounds like you've been as nice as you possibly can up to this point, even when you're not getting what you want.

    Catering is a huge part of the day, and you want your guests to enjoy the food, right? Find your own food--caterers, restaurants, etc. Attend as many tastings as it takes for you to be happy with the food you want to serve, both in price and taste.

    If grandparents are paying, then your mom really can't steamroll the wedding unless you let her. You don't have to choose what she chooses. You can say no thank you, I like this better, and go with your choice. You may have to deal with her being mad. But she'll get over it. If you're her first child to get married, she's not going to let hurt feelings stop her from being a part of your day. She's just trying to get you to cave in to what she wants. Don't buy into it.

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  • Amy
    Dedicated November 2020
    Amy ·
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    My mom and I butt heads as well. For me, what changes her tune is me pulling her aside and genuinely telling her how she’s making me feel. For example, when she is inserting one of her ideas that is clearly not what I want, I pull her aside and tell her that I feel that she’s pulling the wedding away from reflecting my fiancé and I. Sometimes I’ve been in tears telling her that her input is SO important to me but that she is hindering my decision process. This seems to snap her back to reality. Good luck!
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
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    Have you considered hiring a coordinator or a wedding planner and then just explaining that you really appreciate everything she’s done but you’d like her to take on less responsibility so she can just enjoy the day?
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  • Bailey
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Bailey ·
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    I actually have donee exactly that, I got the same one that did my soon to be sister in laws wedding last fall but my mother is still not letting go. I love her I don’t want to hurt her
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  • Bailey
    Just Said Yes October 2020
    Bailey ·
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    That is a very good to word that! I will try saying it that way to her and I think she will understand! Thank you!
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    Catering is a hard no!!!!!!!! Put your foot down and it has to be firm. "Mom I appreciate all the help and I love spending time with you, I'm so happy that you are so passionate especially because I'm your first child you are marrying off. But ...................along the way I feel like "OUR" FH and I's vision isn't being represented and we really want it to be about us. I really want to use X caterer or want a more higher end caterer or more reputable caterer where I won't worry about day of.

    I think that from here on out we are going to take over and I just want you to be my Mom not my wedding planner and be happy for me even surprised at some of the outcome.


    Hope this helps please keep us updated.


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