My Mom Friends Recommend doc - but I'm so Organized

My son got married last year and we didn’t hire a DOC. There was someone on site at the venue to help but she did very little. The venue we had was 100% bring everything in ourselves and I do mean everything and with family and a few friends we did it all. Everything was beautiful and it worked out great. Organization and communication are key but it can be done. Good luck and congratulations!

I consider myself to be a very organized person, but I'm really glad that we'll have a DOC at the wedding. She's responsible for handling anything and everything, including unexpected issues that arise so that me and my family can just enjoy the day. When I met with her, she told me that she won't tell me about a problem until after the wedding is over if it's not something major that I HAVE to know about. She'll also be the one to keep our bar stocker (bringing our own alcohol), orchestrate the guests transitioning to the ceremony to cocktail hour to the reception, meeting with all the vendors as they arrive, setup and cleanup of the event. Not to mention that oftentimes a DOC is more than just for the day of, we'll be in close contact for about two months before the actual wedding day. She'll call all my vendors a month and a week out to finalize pricing, scheduling, guest counts, and get payment to them if necessary. My wedding isn't close at all to me, but I already feel relief knowing that she'll be handling everything. Otherwise, my mom would be trying to monitor everything and she'd be stressed the entire day.

You really don't need it but it truly is helpful. For me I had one because logistically we couldn't set up ourselves.

I think if it fits in the budget, great! If not, you'll be fine. I'm getting married next October and we are not having a DOC. I'm extremely organized (to the point that it's all completely planned) so I didn't feel the need to spend the extra money. My venue will set up the space how I tell them and then we'll be in charge of decorating that morning when we get access. The owner will be onsite during the event and has said that they truly help in any way needed. The security that is required is the same. I think a lot of it depends on the venue, how organized you are, and the personality of the bride. Is she going to have a meltdown if something unexpected happens? DOC's are hired to take care of those things. My FSIL also does DOCing as a side business so I feel like I have a little guidance. Either way, it will be a lovely day

My daughter and I are both extremely organized and detail oriented, her venue included an amazing event coordinator, and she had awesome vendors (esp., DJ, Florist, and photographer). However, the venue event coordinator's schedule was to leave after dinner is served, leaving the venue banquet captain in charge for the rest of the evening. The venue specifically took no responsibility for making sure things got packed up at the end of the evening -- so daughter's very expensive custom cake topper, any gifts (and there were some), all the decor items we brought in, etc., it would have been on us to make sure that all got taken care of. And, honestly, that meant it would have been my responsibility. I really wanted my only responsibility to be to enjoy the day/night with daughter, SIL, and all our friends and family. I knew I'd be bummed to give up any of that to go make sure the cake top was cleaned and packed.... However, the DOCs we talked to wanted a minimum of $1000, to mostly do things the venue coordinator was going to do for us anyway (set up the reception decor, etc.). But, from the time we met her, daughter LOVED her florist (she owns her small business).... She's super detail oriented, she's a problem solver; we just loved everything about her. So, we asked her if, for $500, she'd be willing to be our DOC, whose primary responsibilities were to make sure everything got packed up and into our car at the end of the night, and kind of be on the look out throughout the day for anything that wasn't going according to plan and if there were concerns, to try to resolve them with the responsible vendor and if she couldn't to let me know. I was willing to have to put out a fire, if necessary, but I didn't want to spend all day on "fire watch." For us, it worked out really well. If you have a super responsible friend and/or business acquaintance or know a reliable college student interested in event planning, you might be able to come up with a similar solution. We were really glad to have someone. Good luck!

I'm really on the fence about hiring a DOC. It's not really in the budget, but we could swing it if it's absolutely necessary. My mom doesn't think it's necessary and has volunteered for the DOC responsibilities, but I'd love for her not to be setting up the morning of the wedding or cleaning the venue at the end of the night. I'd like my friends and family to be able to just be present in the moment and enjoy the wedding, but she's pretty resistant to the idea of us spending the extra money.

Get a DOC. No question about it. I was the MOST organized bride. I did everything by myself and everything was organized down to the tiniest detail. On the day of, vendors need to check in when they arrive, they have questions, etc. Your daughter (and you) don't want to be dealing with that. You'll want to focus on getting ready and the meaningfulness of the day vs. working with vendors wedding planning.

Not a MOB but i hired one because I wanted my mom to be able to enjoy the weekend and not have to lift a finger the day of.

It’s not a matter of organization, it’s a matter of: do you want to work at the wedding? Or do you want to be able to relax and be present and be part of everything during the wedding?

Things like set up and moving guests are big ticket items for me. They’re big jobs that take you out of the moment. If you’re coordinating set up, you’re not spending those precious getting ready moments with your daughter. If you’re directing guests when to be seated, you’re focused on that, and out of the moment.

They’re certainly not strictly necessary— i just think is important to acknowledge there’s more to it than simply organization.

We hired one for our wedding next year. I'm pretty confident I have hired amazing vendors and that my venue manager will be great, but I simply wanted someone who would run the show while I got to relax with my friends and family. I didn't want to deal with set-up, taking phone calls, managing crises, or take-down. The DOC will be taking over a month out and having all the vendors shift their communication to her. She will make a timeline and be there to run the rehearsal. Additionally, she will also gather cards and gifts and make sure they get to a car or other predetermined location before the end of the evening. This all sounds like a dream to me. Prices do vary a lot, so maybe look around. The woman I hired had multiple reviews but she is newer to the business (had been a catering manager before) so her prices were about half what I was seeing elsewhere at $800. However, you would never know that she was newer after talking to her - super professional and I think she is going to be great!

Thanks a million everyone, for your input, ideas and experiences!! Definitely makes me continue to consider it!

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I couldn't say it much better. It would be great if you could just be present and in the moment. From what I've heard, the weeks leading up to are stressful as well, and people really think that DOCs take care of the month of: finalizing details with the vendors, etc.

Congrats on your child's engagement! This is a very exciting time in your life The last of my 3 daughters married in November 2018 so I have a little experience in this. If the budget allows, definitely get a DOC! All of my daughter's reception venues came with a Coordinator who took care of setting up and taking down décor. They were also on sight the entire evening as the "go to" person if anything went wrong or needed addressed. As the MOB, you will be in a hosting role. You'll be greeting friends and family, making the rounds to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. You'll be taking photos, eating, drinking, and dancing. The day before will be busy as well. You might have relatives coming in early. You'll be dropping off décor, going to rehearsal and dinner. Hopefully you'll get to bed at a decent hour. I was able to be fully present and enjoy my girls' weddings because the "work" was left to others. I couldn't imagine how stressed I would have been if I had to do the actual decorating - it was quite enough just to help plan things out, pack everything in bins, label them, provide inspiration pics, and get everything to where it needed to be. We were also still hosting relatives after each reception at our home the day after. It was nice to swing by the reception hall on my way home from the hotel and just load up the bins - everything was taken down and packed by the Coordinator. Being able to spend quality time with relatives that came a long way to be there was important to me. If the venue didn't include a Coordinator I most certainly would have hired one!