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Dedicated May 2018

My mom doesn’t wanna be apart of anything....

Futuremrsgoff, on January 1, 2018 at 6:45 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 20

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I Just need to rant. My wedding is in 130 days now. Got engaged Christmas 2016. Anyways, I’ve tried to include my mom in everything with my wedding. As most moms want to be. She blew me off on wedding dress shopping and told me she’d rather be at home. That really upset me. She wouldn’t go bridesmaids dress shopping with my sisters. She really doesn’t even talk to me. I saw her 3-4 times maybe in 2017 alone. I’ve tried talking to her but I usually just get ignored. She volunteered to do my bridal shower as my maid of honor couldn’t really do it. And she completely backed on that as well. I’m just wondering if I should even have her at my wedding? I’m just done trying and being upset because I don’t really have a mom there for me.

Keep in mind 2017 was the first time I had seen my mom in over 4 years.
Theres more to the why she hasn’t talked to me, it’s nothing bad. It’s more along the lines of moving in with my dad because he was more stable at time. I’m just not getting into details.
sorry if this is all over the place. I’ve had 2 hours of sleep lol.

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20 Comments

Latest activity by Kelcie, on January 11, 2018 at 6:10 PM

Beginner July 2018
Samantha · on January 1, 2018 at 6:54 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this. It's truly heart breaking. I can understand your frustration and saying why even have her at the wedding. I feel that you should still extend the invite and let her make that choice. If you don't even give her a chance to show up you may look back and regret it later on in life. But go with your gut. I hope everything goes well for you!
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Super October 2017
stephanie · on January 1, 2018 at 6:56 PM
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Invite her to your wedding. Stop trying to involve her in planning since she isn't interested/can't commit to stuff.
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on January 1, 2018 at 7:06 PM
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It's hard when parents don't live up to our fairy tale images. It may have been a bit unrealistic to expect that she would be fully engaged in your wedding.You didn't see her at all for 4 years, then only a few times last year. It sounds like she doesn't know how to mother.
I would invite her to the wedding, but not hold your breath for any greater involvement.
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Dedicated September 2020
Mari · on January 1, 2018 at 7:19 PM
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It seems you are not close, probably just invite her to the wedding. The whole planning is stressful as it is for you to add more stress. Sorry you have to deal with this.
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VIP September 2019
Lex · on January 1, 2018 at 7:30 PM
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Do we have the same mom?
I second what pps have said, just invite her to the wedding. You’ve been the bigger person trying to involve her but if she doesn’t return that, then it’s on her. Don’t let her bad attitude bring you down.
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Dedicated February 2019
Lia · on January 1, 2018 at 7:32 PM
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It is so difficult to not have your mom involved in planning one of the biggest days of your life. I'm going through the same thing. My mom and I have been arguing throughout **** and when I got engaged it only got worse. But if you have the opportunity to have her there, you might want to. Would you regret it if she wasn't there?
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Devoted July 2018
TeamTurnage12 · on January 1, 2018 at 7:34 PM
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Awww hang in there ! But I would still invite your mother to the wedding.so u have no regrets later on. N don't stress if she does not want to be involved oh well. Just keep moving forward with your wedding plans. Don't stress over the little things not worth it. N get some rest
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Master March 2018
Orchids · on January 1, 2018 at 8:06 PM
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Since she's not interested, I would stop talking to her about wedding plans and just send her an invitation when the time rolls around.
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VIP April 2018
JustKidding · on January 1, 2018 at 8:25 PM
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Stop trying to do things with her. Juat because she's your mom doesn't mean she has to care about a wedding.
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on January 1, 2018 at 8:33 PM
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If 2017 was the first time you’d seen her in over 4 years, why did you think she’d automatically want to be included in all your planning? I obviously don’t know your situation, but perhaps your mom is approaching this with trepidation because she doesn’t want to get too excited just to lose you again. Unless you plan on having no relationship with her ever again I would invite her, but I’d stop trying to involve her in the planning process.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on January 1, 2018 at 8:34 PM
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I feel like you're trying to make something happen that is not going to be possible. You literally saw her 4 times last year. Your wedding is not going to suddenly draw you closer. I wish I could say that she's going to be interested in this, but the reality is that she may not. I'm not sure it's appropriate to "punish" her by not giving her an invitation. I think it will blow back and make you look bad. I would surround yourself with people that are caring and interested in your plans, and don't expect your mom to change.
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Master July 1867
OGJessieJV · on January 1, 2018 at 8:36 PM
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So your flaky mother flaked on you? She told you she didn’t want to go dress shopping with you,, and you still expected her to go. Now, here’s the thing, if you lower your expectations, you’ll stop being disappointed when she inevitably does what she always does. She’s basically told you she doesn’t care about your wedding. Invite her and maybe she’ll show.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on January 1, 2018 at 9:20 PM
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You will regret not inviting your mom in the future.
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Master March 2018
Melissa · on January 1, 2018 at 9:24 PM
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I agree with this.
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Savvy May 2018
Tatum · on January 2, 2018 at 11:15 AM
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Awe praying for peace of mind for you. I know as an older adult child wanting to please our parents and have them in our lives is almost a quest at times. But after an incident i had last night i realized bith parties have to want to be together and you can't force the issue. Its a hard pill to swallow at times but its is reality for me. Best advice i can give is back iff and stop setting yourself up for hurt and pain. If your mom wants to be part if your wedding she will come around. Move in with your wedding plans and rely on your sisters, friends, and future mother in law if your close for advise.
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Devoted June 2018
Mrs_Jenkins · on January 2, 2018 at 11:23 AM
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I agree here. Invite her, but don't involve her in planning. She doesn't want anything to do with it, apparently, so why stress yourself out?
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Expert June 2018
Aly · on January 2, 2018 at 11:26 AM
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I've sorry you've had to experience this. It sounds like you've been extending the olive branch, which is really all you can do. At this point, I would stop inviting her to wedding-related appointments, because she seems to continue to disappoint you. I would, however, invite her to the wedding. You only get one wedding day and in my opinion, I've seen brides and grooms regret NOT inviting someone, not vice versa.
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Just Said Yes July 2018
Kelcie · on January 11, 2018 at 6:10 PM
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I have dealt with the same exact issue. Matter of fact, I posted this same exact topic 4 months ago. My mother didn’t go dress shopping with me, she isn’t attending my bachelorette party at the beach and she isn’t helping one bit. I can’t even ask the slightest wedding advice from her. I have to wait til she addresses it in order to speak of it. But.. I have grown to be okay with it. At first I was expecting her to do all the mom stuff a brides mother “usually” does. But after everyone’s advice. I realized there’s so many of us out there that go through this and still strive to have a beautiful day! Invite her. Because if you don’t, you’ll regret it. And if she doesn’t show, she’ll regret it eventually. This too shall pass. This is your day.
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