My mil aka monster in law is invited to the wedding

Sounds like you have a communication problem between the two of you. It seems natural that he would want his family there for your vow renewal.

I would go see a couples counselor about this. I would say it is unfair to try and uninvite his entire family. They may be toxic to you, but if he wants them there they may not be as toxic to him. I would get this problem solved as soon as possible otherwise it can create resentment and destroy your relationship.

View Quoted Comment They are toxic to him too which is why i don’t understand why he wants to invite them.

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In order to understand I would for sure schedule a couples counselor, this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Communication is so important in an relationship, and alienating family members can cause significant problems. I know its hard when they are mean to you, but a couples counselor can help you both navigate this situation in a loving and understanding manner.

View Quoted Comment That was already done. we had agreed that they wouldn’t come around me and our kids. he doesn’t even talk to them or visit them. which is why i’m confused about it

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I would find a new pre-marital counselor then, and do couples workbooks together. Its not really a one and done thing, you keep going until you feel like you are in a happy and understanding spot. I would talk to him about it for sure, it sounds like he may want to re-incorporate them into his life then. Best thing you can do is try not to be combative, and do your best to see his side of things and walk in his shoes with the situation.

This is your family now.

If your husband wants them there, that is in his wheelhouse to invite them, and you need to discuss the issues the two of you have with his family together.

It sounds like you could benefit from continued couples counseling to set boundaries together and maintain them. If you had already decided as a couple that these family members wouldn’t be invited and wouldn’t be allowed near you/your kids, it’s not okay for him to just change that without having another conversation with you.

Sometimes even when you're aware your family is toxic it's hard to completely cut ties and exclude them from important life events. If your entire family is able to go but his isn't he may be feeling like he's missing out on part of his wedding (vow renewal) that he wanted to have.

Obviously I am not your husband and can't speak for him, so as others have said this really needs to be something that you two openly talk about. I totally understand why you're upset and are completely caught off-guard, but you'll need to try to be as open and accepting as you can to what he says and his reasons. You don't have to agree with them, but if he feels shut down before he can even get everything out then you won't know what he's thinking. A counselor would definitely be able to help with that. And if you really don't want them around you then maybe something can be compromised where he spends some time with them another day.

I’d definitely speak with your husband about your feelings and the raw emotions it is causing for you. There are certain family members on my fiancés side of his immediate family that are not invited because of their own toxic behavior. It for sure wouldn’t fly with me because I refuse to be uncomfortable the day I get married. Get aligned with your honey. It may seem tacky to uninvite someone, but if that someone poses an issue for either one of you I’d say you get a pass!

View Quoted Comment No mam that is not my family. i married him not his family.

View Quoted Comment Thank you you get it 🙌🏻i refuse to be uncomfortable and dealing with any drama on our day.

View Quoted Comment But it sounds like not having his family there will make your fiancé uncomfortable. A wedding is about two people, and both deserve to be happy and comfortable as much as the other. It sounds like you need to seek an impartial third party (aka a marriage/couples counselor) to help the two of you find a solution that works for both of you.

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Actually that's not exactly true, if you the two of you are not on the same page on how to handle them.