Kenzie
Dedicated March 2019

My kids not invited to sister in law’s wedding

Kenzie, on May 14, 2019 at 4:58 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 64

Hello! I was married March 9th and had a gorgeous wedding. My sister in law got engaged last November. We just found out my kids (my husbands step children but very much like his own) aren’t invited to their wedding. The LAST thing I do is want to be THAT person and cause issues with what the bride...
Hello! I was married March 9th and had a gorgeous wedding. My sister in law got engaged last November. We just found out my kids (my husbands step children but very much like his own) aren’t invited to their wedding. The LAST thing I do is want to be THAT person and cause issues with what the bride wants because lawd knows they have enough going on. But we would be coming from California to Massachusetts, and would have to find childcare. Also this is her brother’s kids now... I just feel a little weird about it. If I can’t find child care I won’t even be able to go. My husband feels really weird about it too and when he found out was very hurt.
My husband and I also had a child-free wedding but we made an exception for close family (my niece and nephew and any of the bridesmaids that had children, along with infants in arms). I want to be respectful of their wishes of course but also can’t help but feel hurt. Maybe it’s my insecurity that my children will always just be the “step children” of my husband to them (they’ve never given me a reason to feel that way FYI), but idk. Should we bring it up? Try and find childcare the best we can and just suck it up? Originally we were going to stay longer just because visits with his family aren’t as frequent being so far apart but if we leave my little ones behind we will have to cut the trip much shorter, which is also fairly inconvenient for us as well (we’d have to basically just keep it to a weekend). Anyway. Would appreciate any feedback and thoughts before we communicate anything to the bride.

64 Comments

  • B
    Super July 2018
    Brittany ·

    There's a chance that you asking the bride could not go over well and cause tension so I'm not sure I'd say anything. Could your parents watch your kids? Or any of your siblings or very close friends that you trust? All weddings where I live are child free and since my parents were the first of their friends, siblings and cousins to get married and have children they were invited to manyyyyy weddings that they could not bring me to, so I'd just stay with whichever grandparent or aunts and uncles that weren't on the side of the family that the wedding was on.

  • A
    Dedicated August 2019
    Alyssa ·
    Were not having kids, but my nephew (2) is coming, and theres 3 family members in their teens coming. For us its money and we have so many friends with so many kids, young kids. We know some people won't make it because of it, and it's too bad.

    That being said if someone across country had a kid, wed most likely make an exception or find a sitter out here for them.

    I would say you both want to come but you're not sure you'll be able to find a sitter, and if you can't, you won't be able to come. Either they'll extend a solution, or they won't. Then you're letting them know without asking.
  • Celebok
    Beginner September 2018
    Celebok ·

    We had a child-free wedding, and no one complained about it, at least not to us. It was a small wedding, and nobody on my wife's side even had kids. On my side, my cousin and his wife had a 10-year-old boy, but had family back home who could babysit. Another of my groomsmen had a toddler back home, but his wife chose not to attend (I didn't know her that well anyway), so she was able to stay home with their kid. There were some people I invited who declined, and the fact that their kids weren't invited could've been a factor, but it also could've just as easily been the fact that they'd have to travel long distance or the fact that I haven't seen them in several years.

    And now that I've typed all that, I'm realizing that this comment probably isn't as helpful as I somehow thought it would be when I started to reply. Oh well.

  • Deborah
    Dedicated February 2022
    Deborah ·
    This is someone else’s special day. Their day isn’t about accommodating other people. It’s very common for weddings to be a no children scene. Idk the situation with your children but it seems nothing short of taking them to the wedding will make you happy. No matter how vetted the person is if you don’t know them that’s not going to work for you and you will still feel anxious about leaving them with your mom or sister. 🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️ I don’t like placing fault but I think you might want to rethink your outlook here. Nobody is doing anything to you and your children. You’re taking something personal that isn’t personal at all. Newly married and your creating the foundation for issues with the in-laws (even if just internally) for absolutely nothing.

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