My kids eat like dump trucks! Help

It does take a while, and at first it will be constant reminders. “It sounds like you had a lot of fun at the park today (eat with a fork please), what was your favorite? (Excellent, thanks!)”
It is repetition. You’ll get tired of it. I also was really struct when we were eating out - they knew we would get up and leave if they did not use appropriate table manners.
I grew up in a very chaotic environment and had to buy etiquette books as a young adult. I noticed other people were different than me while eating and felt uncomfortable, so did some reading. This could really affect them as they get older - they may not be invited to friend’s houses if they eat this way, or get teased.

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That's what no parent wants is for their kid to be left out or teased. I did not think of using that conversation structure because after reading that I notice we do do that so its a matter of sticking to it.

View Quoted Comment When mine would say “you keep saying that!” I would respond “...and I will until you have proper manners!” Of course it irritated them LOL

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Im so sure my kids think the same when I have to repeat myself. One will say oh sorry and correct herself, one will be like "what did I do' One is just flat out the rebel and the other is just a picky eater. It's a hard place to be fair to 4 when they are all so different.

Another idea is to have an in house weekly competition and include your FH and yourself with prizes.

View Quoted Comment Kids in general are hard, and four is four times as hard!
You’re doing great!

View Quoted Comment That would be fun!

View Quoted Comment Thank you 🙏

View Quoted Comment In that case, could you have a set dinner time? For example, dinner lasts 1 hour. Meaning that regardless of when they finish they must stay at the table. When I was little, dinner was considered Family time and we didn't get up until everyone was finished eating. They are also old enough to help set and clear the table. However, I discourage the use of rewards when it comes to food. This can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food and eating.

View Quoted Comment We don’t have an exact set time but it’s around the same time of night. I have them at most set their water bottles out silver ware and mats

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This is how I was raised. You start them young learning how to eat properly and have good manners in general. You as the parent set rules. Do not let them fight you or try to sweettalk you into anything. If they throw a tantrum, do not cave. Feed healthy snacks throughout the day and learn to eat smaller portions. Get help from parenting groups in your area or online.

View Quoted Comment Sure, but you could have a set length of time. Clearing the table, in my opinion, is also a huge part of table/general manners and responsibility. I know it's tough, especially with 4 kids at various stages, but you are right that they need to practice basic manners. As a pp said, this will impact their later years. Show them little by little. You could explain to them why you eat a certain way. For example; do you know why we put our napkin on our laps? Etc... You may also consider taking them out to eat (if not all at once, individually) to show them how to act in public. My Dad once took us to the diner and when I (3-4yrs old) finished my cake, I started to lick the frosting off my plate. Dad gently explained that we weren't at Grandma's house and things were different. Never did it again, wasn't embarrassed either, just aware.

View Quoted Comment When I find them doing small stuff like that I just say hey don’t do that or that’s not something we do. Mainly because they do that with sweets but if it’s like rice or something they can leave like a good 2 spoonfuls scattered in a plate. I’m trying as much as I can to help them

Maybe sign them up for etiquette classes?