My In-laws Refuse to Come to Our North Indian Wedding

I'm so sorry. Has your fiance talked with his parents about their decision (and their attitude)? Their choice to not attend is very hurtful, but I guess the thing that strikes me most is their comment that "your culture is weird"! What???? Their son is marrying you -- and your culture is a huge part of your identity. Are they generally so closed-minded? Regardless, I think FH needs to have a very honest conversation with them and make sure they understand that as his future wife, he expects them to respect who you and your family are. I'm assuming that the two of you will be creating a new family that is a blend of both your cultures/religions/etc. He needs to try to get them to understand that they can attend your wedding and demonstrate respect for you and your family, and your beliefs and culture without it "taking away from their beliefs."

Honestly, it blows my mind that they are so closed-minded.... Have they never attended a wedding, funeral, etc., for a person who isn't Catholic like them? I've been to a Buddhist funeral, Jewish weddings, friends' kids Bat/Bar Mitzvahs, etc., and they were all extremely meaningful, but didn't "take anything away" from my Christian faith.... Yikes!

Good luck! I hope your FH can get through to them!

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Unfortunately, they've lived a very isolated life and as my fiance puts it, "their idea of an exotic vacation is a cruise to Alaska". He, bless his heart, has tried speaking to them many, many times, but they close off as soon as the subject is broached. I'm sure I'll get over this with him- for now, I just feel hurt.

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Wow.... Again, I'm so sorry. Hopefully, they'll come to see how hurtful/disrespectful they are being to you and your family. I think you are certainly entitled to "feel hurt...." Good luck!

You are not wrong for feeling disrespected and neither is your family. Honestly, they’re closed minded. Calling your culture weird is not okay. Don’t worry too much about them and their closed hearts. If they do not wish to attend. Focus on you and your fiancé’s love and enjoy your Indian wedding with your family. I’m also an introvert so I know it may be hard but if you can speak to his parents directly and let them know their attitude has disrespected your family; if they don’t care then they’ve shown their true character. Don’t feel bad for being hurt because your feelings are valid. Your fiancé needs to put his foot down and be clear that they need to respect and accept his future wife for who she is. You someday may have children and they will have a mixed culture which is beautiful and not weird. Also, how does going into a temple take away from their catholic beliefs? I’m a Christian and have very strong faith; if I were to walk into a temple/ church of a different faith for a wedding does that mean I’m not a Christian anymore. No, of course not. I have friends and family of different faiths and respect them. They have their faith and I have mine; me walking into a temple/church of a different faith does not change my Christian faith at all. It’s a strange comment for your future in-laws to make.
I’m so sorry you are feeling hurt but hopefully they reconsider somehow: wishing you the best.

You have every right to feel hurt. Their behavior is not ok, but only they can decide to change. It's their loss if they choose not to attend and makes them look bad, not you. You are not in the wrong.

That is beyond unacceptable.

I know you said your FH has tried to talk to them, but I think it's time there are *consequences* for this behavior.

Up to and including excluding them from the Catholic ceremony. (If you HAVE one if they pull this stunt.)

If they are going to be this rude and, honestly, offensive, then it's completely understandable if the two of you start setting boundaries. If they behave like this over their son's *wedding*, how are they going to behave with any kids you might have?

Oh, and as someone who isn't Christian, but married a Catholic... *WE* have to go through a whole lot and swallow a lot of things *WE* don't believe in... or you successfully alienate the priest so he won't marry you... not like THAT happened with me... ok, maybe I warned DH that would happen... So it's a bit rich for them to act as if they are the only ones making accommodations and learning new things, here.

I'm so sorry.

FH should speak to the Priest marrying you and ask for them to mediate between you both and his parents. If they do not listen to their own priest, then I am sorry, they are bigots. I agree that they should be told that they either attend both weddings or none at all. Your family and culture shouldn't be disrespected. This is not a religious issue this is an issue of prejudice.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I can relate to how you feel. My husband is caucasian and I'm mixed (half black and half white). His parents didnt come to our wedding (they used covid as an excuse, but felt comfortable enough to move from NJ to PA so whatever). He has talked to his parents about his feelings and it has gotten him nowhere. Because of their actions, their relationship is strained. What I learned from this, is that people dont change unless they really want to. It's horrible that they are going to miss their son's wedding day and only want to attend the catholic ceremony you'll be holding in a few months. It's okay to feel hurt, I would too. Stay strong and dont let it come in between you & your FH

Although you feel like It sucks... ultimately, each of your family members get to choose if they’ll attend or not (same as with any wedding). When it comes to people’s religious beliefs, it’s difficult to try and convince someone to do something that’s the opposite of what they believe and not what they’re comfortable with. Also, if it feels forced on both sides, is that really the vibe you want in the air at your 2 wedding ceremonies? Intermingling religions naturally comes with challenges. So, there’s a lot for you and your FH to work out and decide when it comes to the wedding. Best wishes!

I am so sorry you’re experiencing so much adversity surrounding your weddings. Yes, I think FH’s parents are being incredibly small minded about this. I grew up in a very small town in the Midwest that is predominantly Caucasian and Christian/Catholic, so most people are not familiar with other religions/cultures. However, not one person I know back home would refuse to go to their child’s wedding just because the culture is different. So I think them using the excuse that they haven’t been exposed to such things is a cop out. It’s silly, close minded, and doing themselves a disservice. That being said, you cannot force them to feel comfortable or want to attend your wedding. If they are adamantly refusing to go, the best thing you can do is just accept it, move on, and have a blast at your wedding with your family! The last thing you’re going to want at your wedding are people that feel uncomfortable and don’t want to be there. You don’t need that negative energy, and you don’t want to feel as though you need to check on them throughout the evening. I don’t, however, understand how what your family is doing is any better than your fiancé‘s family though. Refusing to go to your second wedding because the in-laws didn’t go to the first wedding is just as childish. They would rather punish you than swallow their pride and support you at your second wedding where you will have no representation? This seems just as petty and close minded as your in-laws.

I'm going to come at this from a different perspective, so I understand I might get backlash for it.

Does the priest who is marrying you know that you're having a second wedding/ceremony/etc. in a temple?

Have you discussed your faith differences in your marriage preparation classes?

Is your fiance a practicing Catholic?

The Catholic Church does not do "second ceremonies", even if the Catholic wedding is the first one that's held. Catholics are required to marry in a Catholic church or receive a "dispensation" (i.e. permission) to marry somewhere else. Should they be granted a dispensation, wherever that wedding takes place is "the" wedding. There is no going back and having a second ceremony in a Catholic church.

For that reason, your FI's parents probably are uncomfortable with the second ceremony because it goes against Catholic teaching, both for your fiance to have it without a dispensation and for them to attend a wedding done in this way.

So what do YOU do? Frankly, I would suggest either trying to get a dispensation and having the wedding in the temple only, or having the wedding in the temple and then having a convalidation in the Catholic faith. Your in-laws may put up a fuss about that, but what you will have on your side is that you did things according to the book for an interfaith marriage.

Someone will come on here and say their priest let them do xyz...and maybe he did. But that is, in fact, contrary to the rules and teachings of the Catholic Church. If you're in the US, go to the USCCB. I'm not saying the rules are right or wrong, I have problems with them as well, but they are the rules.

Okay, so this is going to be hard for you both. My parents.... well 90% of my family aren’t attending my wedding because of the religious differences between myself and my FH. They don’t believe in supporting the decision to marry. If you and your fiancé have made the decision to spend your lives together. The two of you can only ask people to respect that decision. If they don’t want to support it that’s they’re decision. It’s going to hurt....for sure. The pain from it comes in waves..... but talk through it together. I had such a hard time dress shopping with my cousin knowing that my family wasn’t coming. Know that this was something I wanted to share with my mom and aunts. I had to talk thru to move pass it. After that I found a dress! Its going to be hard but you will come out stronger.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Their behavior is totally unacceptable. Seems that anything that isn’t like them is construed as weird which makes them very close off from the rest of the world. You have every right to feel like you do. Thank your lucky stars that you’re not like that, your FH isn’t like that & that your family is very supportive of you guys.
My daughter is gay & will be marrying the woman of her dreams next month. Her father & I are no longer together. Her aunts from her dad’s side are not supportive of this & think it’s just a phase. We’re not even sure if her dad will be there. I know it hurts her & being her mom, I want to beat them all up for hurting her. She told me the other day that as long as I & the rest of this side of the family are there than that’s going to make her day perfect. But still doesn’t take away from me wanting to hurt them for hurting my baby (yes she’s 24 but she’ll always be my babygirl)!

We had no resistance from my family, but strong resistace fron FI's devout Catholic parents, and their siblings. They kept thinking we could change and have a Catholic ceremony if we wanted to. What worked was our going to their priest to talk, without parents. Explaining that hubby was no longer a practicing Catholic, though he believed in some of the Christian teachings, and I was not Christian, nor would I ever be. He agreed that since we were not changing, nor asking him to make any exceptions, he would consider couseling the parents to accept what they could not change, and stress to them how important it was to their Catholic beliefs that they present a loving face to their son, and I. That the church teaches love as the foundation of family, and for them to act in an unloving way towards us, or a younger sister and her non Catholic boyfriend would be a serious failing on their part. He told them that after much discussion he had found our morals, and our everyway living, and the way would raise our children, though not Catholic, would be acceptable in God's eyes. But that because we were not in agreement with church doctrine, neither he or any priest could possibly marry us in the church. He said, the children cannot stand before God and lie and participate in a sacrament they do not believe in, and that is what you have been asking.
And that shunning us or our marriage, destroying the love they had raised their son to believe came from them unconditionally, would be a tragedy. He said, when you go to their wedding, it is to observe and be witness to the couple as they stand before God and make a marriage that will last a lifetime, and that parents should be there, because they love their son. ... He was very direct, and eloquent. It made an amazing difference in my inlaws attitude. We had one, not Catholic service done by a JP. Once your parents hear from a priest that if FI is not a baptized Christian, no priest will every marry you, and that that does not mean that they should withdraw their love, maybe they will compromise a bit. Priests still hold a lot of authority to most long time believers.

I'm so sorry. We had a joint Christian/Hindu wedding just last month.

I don't think there is anything you can do but have your wedding your way and if their parents don't attend the Hindu wedding and your parents don't attend the Catholic wedding so be it. I think you will need to focus on your relationship with your FH and your family and really keep distance from his parents who clearly are not mature enough to accept your union. I can only imagine the hurt you are enduring, but find solace in your FH and your union. Good luck!