My husband’s entire family ditched our wedding without a legit reason!!

I presume they’d RSVP’ed yes and then just didn’t show? I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you do at all - I’d feel the same.

If your husband continues to have a relationship with his family, it is up to him whether or not he wants to participate in his brothers wedding. If he has not cut off contact due to your wedding, he obviously believes the relationship is not doomed by their non-attendance. Feelings are okay to feel. Should you always act on them? that's the big question. I would say, sometimes it is worth it to be the bigger person. Only the two of you can make this decision, but he should be taking the lead as its his family.

You are definitely not wrong for feeling that way, but its up to your husband whether he wants to go to the wedding or not. Do you know if he wants to go?

I feel like there’s more to this story. However, it is 100% your FH’s decision whether he wants to attend the wedding or be in the WP, and you should support his decision. You don’t want to make yourself “the bad guy” by placing yourself in the middle of family issues.

You're not wrong for feeling the way you do, but you would be wrong for pushing your husband into not going if he wants to go. It's really up to him how he wants to proceed with his family. This may be something worth exploring together either in counseling or without on how to best each set boundaries with his family and how you can support each other if you have opposite points of view on how to handle this situation.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with this. My fiancés parents screwed us over with our venue 3 months before the wedding. We had to scramble around to find a new one. My fiance didn't talk to his family for a while because of it. We both at the time hated them for almost ruining our wedding. However my fiance ended up forgiving them. And at first I wanted nothing to do with them and couldn't believe he could just forgive them. But I had to step back and look at the bigger picture. First had they ever done anything like this or close to this before? No. Do they seem very sorry for what they done? Yes. What if the shoe was on the other foot and it was my parents who did this? Well I'd forgive them and would want my husband to as well. And last I'd never make my husband cut ties with his family, but I'll always be there to pick him up if they knock him down. I ended up letting what his parents did go and have a relationship with them but I have my guard up with them.


I totally understand where you are coming from. But you need to step back and look at the bigger picture at hand. I think if your husband wants to forgive and forget that Is up to him, it's s his family. If he wants to go to the wedding I think you should go to, not for them but for your husband.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your kind reply! I respect what you have said and taking it all into consideration. The wedding was originally in our hometown of Louisiana. We were living in Dallas,TX at the time. But was willing to have it there for them for convenience purposes. We had initially included them in everything. They didn’t seem to want to participate. They would dodge our phone calls and turn their noses up to our plans. They even went as far as throwing me a bridal shower and none of them brought gifts. It was a laughing stock for them. I was hurt. They didn’t even send invitations out to people I wanted invited. That was a slap in the face and last straw. At that point we decided to have the wedding in Florida on the beach. We gave them a 6 month forewarning. We offered to pay for the mother and twin brother’s travel and lodging fare. To our surprise, they still declined. We thought they were joking honestly. We couldn’t understand why they would go to such lengths not to attend. Well the joke was on us because none of them showed and it has been a non discussion every since.

View Quoted Comment My husband is planning to attend. I’m not. I feel like they wanted him to marry his ex and was upset when he chose to be with me instead. No I did not break him and his ex up. They were split for a year before I came into the picture. They just truly love her. They still visit her and have a lot better relationship with her than me to this day. She has attempted to break us up several times. I use to be jealous, but now I just go on. To be honest some times I feel like throwing n the towel. It has affected my marriage. It’s like a dull pain that I can’t escape.

View Quoted Comment This. What ever happened, it is up to your husband to deal with any long term consequences.

It seems like there’s more to the story. You mentioned you were upset they didn’t give you gifts at the shower that they generously hosted for you. Is it possible they picked up on your anger and they felt it wasn’t appreciated? Regardless, it’s really up to FH to decide about the wedding but I would try to take a step back and see what else may be going on between you and his family.

You are absolutely not wrong for feeling that way. That's horrible.

View Quoted Comment In all honesty I gave you the story. I even explained in theory why I felt it all happened. As unreal as it may seem it is true. I had no anger or hatred toward them at the time. It was more like confusion and hurt. I thanked all of them at my shower and even after they asked questions like”who was my husband’s first love “?? at the shower. I’ve had time to process this. I personally felt like I handled it well considering. But everyone is subject to their own opinion. I respect whatever that opinion may be. I’m angry now because they expect so much more out of me and my husband now that the tables are reversed. I stated I didn’t want my husband to attend however, what he does is completely left up to him. It’s his family, I’m just his wife.

I agree with everyone who says that you need to let your husband decide if he attends (and is in) his brother's wedding. It's completely understandable to feel hurt they didn't attend your wedding, and you are within your rights to never speak to them again. But if you try to control what relationship your husband has with his family, it will not bode well for the health of your marriage.

They didn't ditch your wedding, they declined an invitation to a destination wedding. Unfortunately that happens with destination weddings. You even moved the wedding to a destination wedding because you were upset with them, so why are you surprised that they didn't attend?

RE the wedding shower, if they were throwing you a shower then that was their gift; they didn't need to bring an additional present for you. Why do you call it a laughing stock? And who did they refuse to invite? Was it a shower for their side and you wanted to invite people from your side?