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Dedicated March 2021

My heirloom dress saga continues

Elissabeth, on July 30, 2020 at 5:40 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 9

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So I talked to the seamstress who said it wouldn't hurt the dress at all to open the seams up since they had a lot of excess fabric and I was able to put the dress all the way on and zip it up! I had my fiance's family with me when I tried it on amd they were going on about how they were excited for the dress to be worn and were suggesting changes I might want made and said I could alter it to my needs. I trusted them on that and tried on some other dresses and decided I wanted to alter the neckline a bit. It's a vintage sweetheart with wide straps and I wanted to remove the straps and add a small off-shoulder drape instead. I was so excited about it until I was explaining my idea and one of his aunts started making comments about it. She was saying things like she didn't know I wanted to "chop it up" and "you said you wanted vintage now I guess you don't" and "I thought you were going to wear mom's dress not whatever you're turning it into." One of the zipper seams popped open when I bent over a bit too far and the seamstress said it was fine and an easy fix and probably due to the age but his aunt started making comments about how I wasn't careful and everytime I turned or moved she would tell me to stop before I "break it more." She also snapped at me about not "protecting the lace" when I walked through a doorway. When her sister confronted her about her comments she huffed and said "You're right, I don't have any say anymore it's whatever you guys want now" and left. Her family said she was having a bad day and not to take it to seriously but now when I look at the dress, all I hear are her snide comments and it's made me kind of hate the dress I spent so long being excited about. Also, she was one of the people who was giving me alteration ideas at the start of all this. And also also, when the dress originally came to me it was ripped, stained, discolored, wrinkled and missing the matching jacket so it's not like the dress was being treated like a special family treasure. I'm sorry this was a bit long I just got very emotional about it and needed to get it all out. My heirloom dress saga continues 1

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on August 2, 2020 at 5:31 AM

Expert October 2021
Samantha · on July 30, 2020 at 5:58 PM
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Sometimes emotions hit us when we least expect them. Auntie might have thought she was fine with the dress being worn and altered, but deep down the emotion of it all may have gotten to her. This is part of what happens when you involve an emotionally charged object in an emotional event. As for the dress, I think the bust looks great on you. I'm not sure that removing the sleeves will look right with the seam afterwards. I'd have the seamstress show a mock up. Did you give any further thought to having a replica made?
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on July 30, 2020 at 6:10 PM
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I think the dress is gorgeous and you look amazing in it!
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Dedicated March 2021
Elissabeth · on July 30, 2020 at 7:09 PM
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That's pretty much what I'm talking about with the seamstress now. We're discussing a timeline and price
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on July 30, 2020 at 7:20 PM
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I agree about this.... A relative inherited our mother's wedding and engagement rings. There were some bad feelings/jealousy about that among my siblings, but it was hers to do with as she wanted. OMG, you don't want to hear the reactions when she gave it to one of her children, who quickly had it taken apart and made into a completely different ring for his fiance.... I was fine with it, but I know there are family members who are still very resentful. I don't think it's malicious; I just think people have a lot of feelings and sentiment about family "heirlooms" that they don't always expect or understand. FWIW -- while I really wanted to wear my mother's wedding gown, there was no way it would work for me size-wise in its original state. Initially, my mom was absolutely opposed to me taking it apart in order to just use parts of it. After she thought about it for a while, she eventually changed her mind and was thrilled when I took it apart and used just the skirt with a new bodice. She was incredibly proud and happy that I wore a good part of "her" dress on my wedding day. Take a deep breath and give everyone time to recover from what sounds like an emotional day, then I'd probably call the aunt and tell her you truly don't want to do anything that will upset her, but her messages are conflicting. Then, listen to her. I'd guess odds are she'll tell you to go ahead with the changes.
I do agree with a pp that changing the dress to strapless is going to be a major change. Usually strapless dresses have substantial built in "structure" to keep them up where they belong. I'd just be sure your alterations person has a very clear plan to be sure the dress will work well as a strapless dress before you begin changes that will change the dress that much. Good luck!
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on July 30, 2020 at 8:19 PM
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Emotions run high at a time like this! The dress is gorgeous & bust line looks awesome. I agree with the other lady about the sleeves- I think it would take away from the look. I can’t wait to see what magic she’s going to perform on that dress!!
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on July 31, 2020 at 3:22 AM
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Hope everything works out for the best.
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Super October 2021
Ashley · on July 31, 2020 at 3:53 AM
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When it comes to something that’s important to more than one family member, someone is always going to have a complaint. It generally comes from a place of hurt. It sounds like the aunt isn’t as okay with the dress being worn or changed as she may have thought she would be. The idea of it and seeing it happen are two totally different things. It sounds like her anger is coming from her hurt.
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Dedicated March 2021
Elissabeth · on August 1, 2020 at 10:21 PM
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An update: My seamstress is a relative and apparently she told the aunt that I was talking to her about making a replica dress instead and the aunt has now spent most of today sending me and her sisters nasty messages about it. It's only been 2 days but the dress is definitely poisoned to me now. I'm gonna start looking for a new dress and just scrape the money together from somewhere. His parents would pay for dress alterations, acessories, and perservation if I wore her dress, which I thought I was, so I hadn't put enough extra to the side of my budget. Wish me luck! ❤
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Expert October 2021
Samantha · on August 2, 2020 at 5:31 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that the experience has been disappointing. Sadly, more often than not emotions get in the way of common sense and understanding. Beyond me why they would be upset with a replica dress. Good luck with your dress search. I'm sure you will find something lovely for yourself. And, to lessen the headache; don't discuss your search with them any longer. Happy thoughts your way.
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