My friendship with my bridesmaid is driving me more insane where i can’t deny it anymore. Help!

I’ll admit it- she’s my bridesmaid bc we’ve known each other for so long. I’m also her bridesmaid. Is she one of my favorite people? No. Did we grow apart? Definitely. Did I want this to happen? No, but it did. I’m a good girl who’s loyal and still have some guilt trips about wanting to keep my distance but it’s different now. I’ve known her for a little over 10 years- mainly throughout my 20’s. I can’t say I’m the same person I was and she’s the type who does not grow and expect people to be the same. I’m sure somewhere throughout the years, she noticed I changed but part of me feels that despite my growth, she would still know who I really am. In recent years, I caught her in a lie and I can’t trust her since. I’ve become a private person and I like to believe that friends tell each other things in confidence. There’s no need to say, “don’t tell anybody” bc my business is my business. She sees any kind of information I give her as show and tell. She bonded with her co-worked (who at that point I’ve met twice)- the Co-worker sees me one day and says, “Debra says you have problems with his SIL? She didn’t tell me everything. She just mentioned it.” Here is someone who is barely an acquaintance asking me something so personal. Maybe it was acceptable in my 20’s where everyone is friends with each other and you share your business so freely but it changes as you get older.

She also tends to be the competitive and compare type... like I’m her marker of comparison. She has no identity and follows anything and everything her younger sister does. If younger sister loves or hates a person, she follows. She asked about our living situation and told her we were looking to live in an apartment or house (we haven’t lived together yet). Automatically she said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to get a house yet. You just got engaged. You graduated law school. And you’re getting married. You guys need to buy an apartment and here are the reasons why...” like what?!!! My FH and I have been together for almost 7 years. We’ve talked/looked at homes and living situation for when we would be married. It was not out of the blue, we’ve had these discussions. She doesn’t know how much we have saved or if we want an old or new house. She doesn’t know that we want kids right away. I think the fact that she doesn’t know these things bug her but why does she NEED to know? I have friends that ask and they’ve been respectful about it or have given their 2cents but were not as defensive. Makes me think we’re all in this competition that I’m not aware of it. I’m sure you’re thinking, “maybe she means well? She’s your friend” - then why do I feel so annoyed by it?

Even though we have our weddings close together, I still celebrate hers. I got excited when I got her invitation and asked her about it. She’s already done planning while I still have more to go but I noticed she’s never mentioned it or was excited. The only time she was was to compare - she’s doing zola, I’m not doing a website; she’s doing engagement pictures, I’m not...” She’s never mentioned anything about how cute the invitations, pictures, or anything was. It’s only been to compare.

Sorry for the rant. Maybe it’s this solar eclipse. I just need someone to listen and maybe share your thoughts? We can’t talk to each other about this bc she’s passive-aggressive and just tends to deny and will probably tell people around her, which I don’t need. It’s way past that. I wanna be around people who speak my language - no comparison, no discouraging, no competition... someone who is secure in themselves and has an identity. Someone who believes that keeping one’s personal affairs is private and understood.