My friend's boyfriend is... creepy.

Yikes that’s a tough one. In all honesty if you don’t want to hurt the friendship with your friend in any way, your going to have to invite him. Perhaps try and sit him away from your friends and next to another male or two to try and keep him contained.
100% if you bring this up with your friend she will be upset with you, particularly if they’ve been together for years and he’s looking here to stay..

I think he should be invited, but I also always think friends should be honest with friends. It's a little late to bring up the birthday party, though. Is there a more recent instance of him beinh creepy? You need to say a specific thing to her instead of "your bf is a huge creep"

OK, here it is... you said it, you chickened out in confronting your friend when the incident happened. It's too late to bring up something that happened in the past. I'd find a way to go out with your friend and boy friend along with some other friends. Give him a 2nd (or so) chance, AND... if it happens again grab the bull by the horns and confront her. I'd say something like:

Hey, I'm sorry, I really have to tell you something, it's been weighing on me quite a while and I ignored it and hoped it was a one off.... Last year at my birthday...(and say what happened), well last night (IF IT DID) it happened again. XYZ made some very inappropriate comments and it made me feel really uncomfortable, he also made similar comments to ABC, BCA, and CAB. I'm really concerned and honestly (tell her why you're concerned).

Does he treat her poorly in public, if so add those reasons why you're concerned. BE HONEST. If he's a dick to you and other women, then it could be likely he's emotionally or worse abusing her too. If she's your true friend she may get mad, but hopefully will understand your concerns.

I recently had to tell my best friend that I loved her to death, but I couldn't have her husband at our wedding knowing what he had done to her. His crazy, narcissism was bad juju and can't have it at our upcoming wedding. She totally understood and is respecting our wishes.

Woah, this is quite the pickle. You either have to A) give him another chance or B) not invite both of them at all.

Yes. How much of a friendship do you have with her if you cut out someone she has been with so long? Invite him, or neither of them.

I had a similar situation. I cannot stand one of my bridesmaids boyfriend. She brings him everywhere and he is just rude. Never says hi, he'll start smoking in our house and not even ask if it's okay. When she asked, I told her I already made the guest list and did not have room for him. I want the people closest to me and I don't know him like that. She did not take offense at all. I don't like him but she doesn't know that. Sometimes you just have to be supportive even if you don't see what they see.

I’m normally a huge advocate of inviting significant others, but you and the other guests at your event deserve to feel safe. No one should be subjected to a situation like that, especially when it can easily be prevented.

View Quoted Comment

I totally agree with you about the honesty aspect and that's why this has been such a conundrum, because I dropped the ball on it because I was afraid of it affecting our friendship. But hey, turns out here we are, and it's already been affecting our friendship so that's all on me :/

View Quoted Comment

Yeah that's totally my fault and I know it's been way too long to bring it up and I should have addressed things a lot closer to when it happened. I guess I was just afraid because in the past I've lost friendships because I've told my friends things they didn't want to hear and I think on some level that's why I didn't bring it up with her. Which is dumb, because that's usually not how I would handle something like this. But now it's already put a lot of space between us so I'm just trying to sift through the feelings.

He doesn't, however, treat her poorly in public or is physical with her or anything like that, I would flip on him if I thought there were any kind of abusive dynamic I would be the first one trying to get her out of there. It's more like I feel like he's somehow testing the waters with other women... like trying to figure out if he can get away with something which I find super creepy and uncool because he's already with this incredible woman.

I think I just have to tell her how I feel and how it would make me feel if he were in attendance but I definitely have to give her an explanation because not inviting her to my wedding out of the blue would be super confusing and cruel to her.

I am sorry to hear about the situation with your best friend and husband though, these waters are just really difficult to tread...

View Quoted Comment

This is definitely my biggest concern. If this person raises red flags to me I don't want to put him in an intimate sphere of my closest friends and family. I feel like weddings somehow bring a lot of the stuff you've been avoiding to the forefront and it's do or die.

Straight up tell him the first time he says something. Be very blunt so he understands you are not joking! Say excuse me!! that is so inappropriate & disgusting!! How dare you say that, what is wrong with you always saying things like that!