My fiance's mother is hijacking our wedding

Elope.

Good Luck. I fear that is going to happen once we start really planning. She's already tried showing us some venues that will accommodate her. We want a campground type thing in the mountains and she has found one that is no where near the mountains but is close to a hotel/cabin so that she has a place to stay. I don't talk wedding much with her.

Hey Heather - sounds like you're going for the same general vibe (we were looking at campgrounds for a while, too), and facing the same issues. How do you disengage from talking about the wedding with her? That's what I need to do somehow, but not sure how.

Are your FH'S parents contributing to your wedding? If not seriously have the wedding you want. Thank her for her ideas and go ahead with what you have planned. You don't even have to tell her what you plan just do it.

You deserve to have the wedding you want. (Chanting that in my head constantly myself) It is suggested that if you can disengage from talking about the wedding with her, I tried that with my fmil and it backfired. If you can maybe listen to her suggestions, acknowledge them, then move on without making any promises maybe that will help. Someone said they kept a spreadsheet with all the suggestions they were given so they could tell people that they'd put it on the spreadsheet. Maybe this way you can avoid the fmil breakdown about not including her and how all her ideas are dumb. Good luck, you deserve your wedding.

If his parents are not contributing to your wedding, they are guests -- not hosts. Granted, they are VIP guests, and while that gives them a few perks, submitting their invitation list and making decisions about the wedding are not among those perks.

I'm a firm believer in allowing parents to invite a reasonable amount of people (their friends) to their child's wedding -- and by reasonable, I mean eight to 10 people (if you can't afford to host that many of her friends, tell her that. If they want to pay for those guests, let them. If not, allow them to invite two couples). As far as her ideas for your wedding, delete the pinterest page you set up so that she can submit ideas for your wedding. I have a feeling that the existence of that page and the reason you posted it (so that she can submit ideas) is a big part of the reason she feels comfortable submitting ideas. This day belongs to you and FH. If you want to wear a bear skin and he wants to wear a loin cloth while you are married by a medicine man on the banks of the Amazon River, that's your choice. I know you are trying to be inclusive by listening to her ideas, but at the end of the day, she has proven to you that she has taken that gesture far more seriously than you ever intended it to be.

You've got nine months to go. You'll have to set the record straight or you'll be out of your mind by April. You have nothing to apologize for. This is your wedding. You have every right to do it exactly the way you want to -- without apology and without explanation.

No pay, no say! If your FMIL is not contributing financially to this wedding, then she really does not have a right to hijack your wedding. This wedding is for you and your FH. Has your FH stood up to his mother? Maybe she'll "hear" better if it comes from her son instead of you trying to redirect her toward your Pinterest page (which I think was a good try). You should be able to have the wedding you want.

If she won't expect your boundaries, stop talking to her about it completely. If you're paying the bills, there's pretty much zero reason to discuss centerpieces with her.

If you're paying for the wedding, she has no say. I would just completely stop talking about the wedding with her. "How is the wedding planning going ?" "Its going well" "How do you feel about this idea" "I think that's a lovely idea, Ill see how i can incorporate it"

I agree with the above. No pay no say. It's your day. Perhaps she doesn't realize what she is doing. I actually had to tell my MIL that I stopped including her because of her negativity. She didn't realize how insulting she was being and things got more positive. Good luck!

Your Fh needs to talk to his mom. Tell her you both appreciate her ideas, but it's not her wedding and they don't fit with what the two of you want. He also needs to let her know she cannot keep calling, texting and whatever because you have a life too. Also remind her you both will be giving her a certain number of invites and that is all she is getting. You shouldn't have to not invite people you want at the wedding just because she wants to invite more.

What does your FH say? I think this is something that needs to be dealt with by him.

You and FH should figure out what you're okay with her doing/inviting/planning and stick to your guns! It's YOUR wedding!

I am in the same boat and it’s making me extremely depressed and makes me almost not care about the wedding anymore. Did you ever come to a middle ground? And if so how?

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I would just give non committal answers when she brings wedding planning up and plan everything without her around. For example, if she brings up flowers, just say something like "Yes, that would be a pretty flower, I will keep it in mind as we are looking at some other options. I will be sure to let you know what we decide."

If she brings up catering options, "Oh, that sounds delicious. I will keep it in mind when we make the decision and let you know what type of food we end up picking."

Basically, thank you for your opinion, we will consider it but in the end the decision isn't yours to make. Then if she brings it up again, you can say "We definitely considered it! But in the end it was too (INSERT REASON expensive, colorful, didn't match) so we went with blah blah! Thanks again for mentioning it though!"

If you sit down and have a chat with her, make sure you discuss it with your fiance first, and make sure you are on the same page and your fiance is ready to back YOU in person, just in case she argues and wants to have a say. Also, I don't know how manipulative yours is, luckily mine isn't, but it doesn't hurt to have your fiance there for the discussion so there isn't any he said/ she said drama.

In the same boat. it’s been a long and frustrating engagement and definitely taken a lot of the fun away. we’re constantly asked about the wedding and if she hears about something she doesn’t like, FH will get an ear full or she will bring it up again and again. they are giving us a small amount (which we are grateful for nonetheless) but even so i don’t feel that anyone can have a final say just because they gave you money. i told FH if i heard about their money again we’d give it back. it’s been held over my head for the guest list and i’m resentful for it and wish we hadn’t taken the money. and now we are inviting a bunch of people we aren’t close with which makes me uncomfortable. unfortunately FH and I weren’t on the same page about how to handle it until recently. i feel very manipulated and also that my own opinions don’t matter for my wedding and that it’s all about what they want. my parents are very hands off and i’ve always been very independent and so this has been excruciatingly painful for me. i don’t think their intents are bad but i’m definitely resentful because of it all.

Oh goodness... This is why we arent announcing our engagement for another half a year or so, maybe even more. we are basically ready to get married but we want the budget to make it happen so we are taking a long engagement... without telling anyone in our very pushy family. i did make a forum discussion about it!

View Quoted Comment Same, same....

In the same boat with all of you... depressed, and unwilling to do anything for my own wedding...why? Why people do that