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Savvy June 2020

My Fiancé’s Cousin got engaged a year after us, and chose our wedding Date.

Sydney, on February 17, 2019 at 3:08 AM Posted in Planning 0 34

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Hey all,

I’m new to Wedding Wire, and this is my first post here, but I’m very upset with my fiancé’s cousin and his fiancée because they decided to get married on my wedding day.

My fiancé and I got engaged on December 17, 2017, and have been planning since then to get married the weekend after I graduate from college on May 23, 2020. Because wedding planning can be hectic, we have also been thinking about getting married on May 30, 2020.

In November of 2018, my fiancé’s cousin proposed to his girlfriend and they started planning to have their wedding around the same time as us. We told them around Christmas that we were looking at the above dates and we’d prefer if they waited a few weeks after us so it doesn’t take away from our ceremonies and their grandparents would have a weekend to rest with all of the special occasions going on. They agreed that they would have their wedding in June.

Within the past few weeks, my fiancé and I settled on a venue and we have been filling out the contract information for our venue. Today, we were going to drive to our venue and submit it in person, however, we got a call from my fiancé’s mom saying that his cousin and his fiancé booked their venue for May 23, 2020, and she was very sorry.

My fiancé and I were shocked to hear this because the last time we heard, they were going to get married in June, and they never told us that they were moving the date. After speaking to his mom, we learned that they booked the venue a couple of weeks ago, but they never decided to tell us what they did. Luckily, we learned what they did and we didn’t submit the contract, but this really upset us!!! We’ve had our date picked our for over a year, and they agreed to get married on another day. If June wasn’t available, they could’ve moved their date forward since my fiancé and I have been engaged for so long. I don’t understand why they wouldn’t have called us or let us know what was going on.

Anyways, my fiancé’s family is having us move the date forward since it will be easier on the family. My fiancé’s grandparents are offering us money for the inconvenience, but my heart is broken. There is nothing more I want to do than marry my fiancé, but now I’m going to have to wait months before doing so...

My fiancé and I wanted to wait until after we graduated before we got married because that is what our families want for us which we have no problem with, therefore, we don’t want to move it forward.

The reason for us getting married in May was because my family would be in town for my graduation and I would be able to get married and have my honeymoon before starting our careers. We want to start working as soon as possible so we can pay off our college debt, so now that this whole situation popped up, we may have to wait longer before we have a chance to get married.

Am I overreacting from this situation? Have any of you guys experienced a situation like this? I’m just so heartbroken from this and want some advice...we’re both lost and have no idea where to begin, but it’s too late for them to change the date, so we’re being forced to accommodate.

Any comments would be great.

Thank you guys so much.

Sydney

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34 Comments

Latest activity by Gen, on February 19, 2019 at 8:53 PM

Expert July 2019
Becca · on February 17, 2019 at 3:42 AM
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This is definitely a frustrating situation, and your feelings are valid. However, just remember, it really doesn't matter WHEN you get married. Hey, pushing it forward a few months means that you will get to marry him sooner, which is what you want. Just a tad bit of tough love on this one. If you knew you wanted that date, signing a contract early on would have alleviated all of this. Like you, they know that it takes a good chunk of time to plan so wanted to get going on it. You can't fault them for that. It sounds like you were still deciding and debating back and forth when they spoke to you last, and given the time period between your engagement and setting the date, they may not have wanted to wait any more. Also be aware that we also don't know if there are other factors on their side that could be determining the date. Maybe their dream venue had one date open, maybe they have a family member who lives abroad, etc. Just take a step back and keep all things in perspective. Timing doesn't have to be perfect to be married. You can get married then do a honeymoon later. Get married while in school then take the honeymoon after you graduate. There are lots of options available, you may just need to think outside of the box!
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 3:56 AM
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Thank you for the outside perspective on this situation. I guess it doesn’t matter when we get married. Our parents wanted us to graduate first before getting married, so that’s why moving it forward wasn’t the best option for us. We’ve had some other issues too making us have to move dates and reconsider for other reasons, so we’re at our wits end with planning a big traditional ceremony if our plans will just have to change again. If time doesn’t matter, we may consider eloping and going on a honeymoon to save the headache for this happening again. Thank you so much.
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Expert July 2019
Becca · on February 17, 2019 at 5:10 AM
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Hey of course! Just try not to stress things like this. I totally get them wanting you two to graduate before getting married, but if you get married a month away from graduation, that shouldn't impact things. Plus, then your diploma will have your new last name if you are taking his. I totally understand the stress of it. One way to go about this is to pick a date and put money down on it. Then, there is no "flexibility" in your family's eyes. Because there has been so much movement it sounds like (not at a fault of your own), it is easy to say "oh well couldn't you move it to this time or that time". If you have the money down you can just say no. I wish you all the best in your wedding planning! No matter what you do, your marriage will be wonderful.
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 5:13 AM
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Thank you so much! I will definitely think about doing this.
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Master January 2019
Cassidy · on February 17, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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Have the wedding the day after graduation! Celebrate all weekend long 😊
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Super September 2019
Anna · on February 17, 2019 at 8:40 AM
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Honestly IMO fiancés family is in the wrong. They should have told cousin/fiancé that they couldn’t book that date (just like you did) and had them change it. I really don’t have any advice except maybe work with your side of the family to find a time to come down that would be good for them and explain the situation. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I would be livid. Good luck with everything
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Super February 2019
Amy · on February 17, 2019 at 8:44 AM
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I think while they may have good reasons for picking the date it was very rude of them not to be in communication with you about it in a more timely manner. It would have been a very big pickle for his family if you had both booked weddings for the same day. So yes, frustration with that is valid.
I also am planner and I so appreciate the logistics side of things. I think this will ultimately just take time to adjust to and in a few months when you have had time to plan around the new date/timeline/plan, you'll feel better.
And as a plus: I am getting married next weekend and I am so thrilled to have downtime before my wedding. Perhaps it'll be better to have it out further from graduation so you wont be so burnt out from juggling finals, graduation celebrations, etc. Having space between the two may not be your ideal, but I'd bet it'll end up being a blessing in disguise.
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VIP December 2019
Michelle · on February 17, 2019 at 8:58 AM
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I think they picked your date in purpose. What other reason did they have? Was it a special day to either of them?? Probably not. I would be passed pissed off that they would do that. I think the cousins fiance wanted to get married first. Men don't really care and think about things like that but women do. I don't know them but I'm gonna bet $5,000,000(that I don't have lol) she did that on purpose and the cousin wasn't man enough to speak up. They know they were wrong, even the cousins mom knew. They haven't sent out invitations yet. I would have a strong conversation with them. And if they haven't sent out save the dates. I would book my venue and send my save the dates and force them to change their date(but only if their STD haven't been sent yet) and yes, I am that petty. #PettyLabelle
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on February 17, 2019 at 9:08 AM
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My FH’s cousin got engaged about a year before us, and had selected their date. No idea if they had signed a contract, but that was “their date”. It really was no business of ours how far they were or weren’t into planning. When we were thinking of our date we had my FMIL talk to her sister (cousins mom) and OK our date being 3 weeks before theirs. We wanted to make sure there wasn’t anything planned for her wedding that ours would conflict with. This all happened 10 months before the wedding when we were first planning.

That being said, I think you are very much right for feeling upset, especially since it sounds like you had a conversation with them about it.
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Devoted September 2019
Martha · on February 17, 2019 at 9:14 AM
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I have to agree with Michelle on this one! Maybe their June date was booked, but I don’t see why they couldn’t move it out further knowing what date you guys wanted... I do think the cousin’s fiancé did it on purpose. I would have the wedding May 16, 2020 if possible lol! On the bright side, your wedding will be first since you will be pushing it forward. You have a valid reason to be pissed but try not to dwell on it much, and have it ruin your wedding experience. Sorry you are going through this.
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 9:20 AM
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That’s true, but it would be very exhausting! That’s why I wanted the 23rd so we’d have a week in between but this whole thing happened.
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 9:23 AM
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Hey Martha, thanks for the reply! It’s definitely tough going through this and I’m trying not to have it ruin the wedding experience for me. Right now, I’m feeling terrible, but hopefully it will change. My fiancé’s grandparents felt bad about the whole situation, so they offered us money if we let the cousin pick the date. It makes me so mad that people think they can just buy us off to keep quiet. I wish this would’ve never of happened and they would’ve moved the date to a different month aside of the end of May.
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 9:27 AM
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Hello,
I’m glad that you guys were able to communicate and have all of that work out. I wish that we could’ve experienced the same thing. Even if their dates in June weren’t available, I believe they should’ve called us and explained what was going on before picking our wedding date without telling us. My FH and I would have been much more accommodating and would have felt appreciated. I’m so glad my FMIL found out what they did just in time before we submitted our contract otherwise we’d be in a more worse situation.
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Beginner April 2019
Tamika · on February 17, 2019 at 9:35 AM
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Agree. There are plenty of dates to choose from especially after they were told your specific date. Sometimes dates are chosen without realizing it falls on a certain date but they knew. Sometimes you don’t want to think someone is doing something on purpose but unfortunately there are people who would do something like that in the real world. I would NEVER choose a date I heard my cousin, sister, friend or anyone close chose as their date. That’s just wrong!
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Super September 2019
ASMini914 · on February 17, 2019 at 9:37 AM
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I’m so sorry you have to go through this. The bright side is that you found out before you turned the contract in!

I think the the best thing to do here is to be the bigger person. Don’t let this completely ruin the wedding planning experience for you! At the end of the day, you and your FH still love each other and will still get married. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and someday you will understand why this happened! Pick a new date that you can get excited about!

If if you do end up talking to the other couple about this, just calmly explain how their choice of actions/lack of communication really hurt you, and then move on.
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Savvy June 2020
Sydney · on February 17, 2019 at 9:38 AM
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Hey Tamika,
I completely agree! I know there are many days to pick a date, and I chose mine for a reason. They knew this and I wish they would’ve been more considerate.
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Devoted September 2021
Nikki · on February 17, 2019 at 11:20 AM
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Finally a real answer I'm petty to its funny tho I remember my fiance sis got engaged and we were still fresh in and I asked them not to get married on our date and she didn't and we weren't even engaged however this girl is rude I'm petty to I would be like I'm not moving my date whoever comes comes thars so frustrating
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Beginner August 2019
Erica · on February 17, 2019 at 12:14 PM
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Lol they suck. Give them a dollar store calendar as a gift.
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Beginner August 2019
Erica · on February 17, 2019 at 12:17 PM
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Or better yet, just get a married the weekend before and then go on your honeymoon. Don't even go to theirs'.
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Devoted May 2019
Denise · on February 17, 2019 at 12:45 PM
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I’m going to disagree. Your date isn’t your date until you sign a contract on a venue. You’ve known you’ve wanted that date for over a year but haven’t nailed down any details. How long do you expect them to wait for you before they move forward?

I’d take that bet that they did it on purpose. My money is on that’s when their chosen venue was available so they took it.
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