Linds
Just Said Yes October 2024

My fiancé was invited to a bridal shower without me.

Linds, on June 13, 2021 at 12:54 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15
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So I don’t personally know if I should be upset about this or not. But I got engaged to my high school sweet heart a couple months ago. And one of my fiancé’s best friends (that will be his groomsman) asked him (my fiancé) to be in his wedding that is this august. Because of covid we found out that we ended up have two weddings on one day. The first wedding being my cousin’s wedding, who asked me to be a bridesmaid almost 2 years ago. And then my fiancé’s best friend. So my fiancé and I decided that we would both participate in the wedding we are in and let both couples know that there would only be one of us at each wedding. Fast forward to now basically, my fiancé’s best friend and his soon to be wife were planning their bridal shower, and stated that they didn’t have enough people for the dinner so they invited all the groomsmen to go. All the other girlfriends, wives, and fiancé’s of the other groomsman were invited except me. They stated that since I can’t attend their wedding that I don’t need to come to their bridal shower. This isn’t the first time I have been in a wedding, gone to weddings and do all of the parties that go with it. My soon to be mother-in-law and sister-in-law were both invited to the party also with my fiancé’s brother and him. So my question is, am I overreacting in my thinking that it was kind of insulting not to get an invitation or should I just let it be? Even though I know that etiquette wasn’t really followed with this situation.

15 Comments

Latest activity by Natalie, on June 13, 2021 at 8:55 PM
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    I see your point and the family’s point. On the one hand, if they knew you weren’t going to be attending the ceremony, I’m sure they felt like it was unnecessary to invite you. However, if I were in your shoes, I would also be left wondering. I hope they gave you some kind of explanation. Even if they felt you didn’t need to be there, since your fiancé is going, I think they should’ve reached out as a common courtesy.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    Yikes! Have they always kept score like this? Not being included is very petty and would definitely leave me feeling “punished”. I certainly would take the high road and not create drama around it but once your fiancé obligation to their wedding, should he still want to follow through, I would refrain from any effort of maintaining this friendship. That is really petty and immature of them.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    Im curious what your fiancé thinks of this. Is he going to the shower?
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  • Linds
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Linds ·
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    Yeah he’s going and felt really bad. There was literally nothing we could do and decided that since he is just planning on spending most of his time with the groom he wasn’t going to bring a gift for the bride and with how everything sounded it was the brides decision not his best friend’s so we kind of have left it at that on our end. Like his best friend is still set to be in our wedding. But we have kind of left it at that. His best friend comes over to hang out with us all the time and his fiancé never comes with him so I personally don’t know what the reason for any of it could be.
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  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
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    That’s very rude of them.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Are you close to the bride? Are the other groomsmen’s SOs close to her? I ask because when I married my first husband, I didn’t invite all the SOs of the groomsmen to my shower because I wasn’t close to all of them and I haven’t been invited to every bridal shower for weddings my husband has participated in.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    That’s understandable however, in thus circumstance, Linds was the only excluded and was told it was because she was not able to attend their wedding.
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  • Linds
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Linds ·
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    I’m not super close to her but like I’ve known both of them for over 5 years. We all go out for dinners together and the guys have poker night 2 times a week. When ever we would hang out she wouldn’t really talk to anyone even though we would try to include her in the conversations. Personally I wouldn’t have minded, if the only reason wasn’t because I wasn’t able to attend because of another wedding. Like I’m not invited to everything for every wedding and I am ok with that. I just was a little shocked that the only reason would be because of another wedding that is almost 100 miles apart where it would be difficult to attend.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    That’s totally ok not to be invited to everything but look at this specific scenario. It’s really petty and not cool. Sounds like the bride has always been this way. The bride’s fiancé can easily put his foot down and include you as you are his best mans fiance. He too is choosing to treat you the same by not saying/doing anything. Time to move on.
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  • L
    Lisa ·
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    I for got say I’m sorry this happened. It doesn’t feel good.
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  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    Is it possible you aren’t invited to the shower because it is usually considered rude to invite someone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding?
    However, in my circle it’s also considered not only rude, but incredibly so, for a bride to throw a shower in her own honor..
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  • Linds
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Linds ·
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    So I was invited to the wedding and RSVPd no because of the conflicting weddings.
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    Rockstar October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    So wedding invites have come and gone and just now shower invites are going out?
    If they are jerks to you, just know they aren’t anyone to count as friends and nurture friends who will treat you well.
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  • Linds
    Just Said Yes October 2024
    Linds ·
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    The shower invites were received a couple weeks ago. My fiance was really confused on who was invited because they combined his invitation with his brothers because we live at the same house. It all is very confusing for me. The groom is really close to my fiancé and I have known him for years. So this whole situation to me is strange.
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  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
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    I agree that it is a very strange situation! While it initially wouldn’t have been a big deal to not be invited since you aren’t close with the bride, it has been made into an uncomfortable situation since they’ve expanded their shower guest list and have now invited everyone but you. I’ve never heard of not inviting people to the shower because they are unable to attend the wedding itself. In fact, the one main rule for showers is that those invited to them must also be invited to the wedding. Truthfully, my feelings would be really hurt, too, as it seems like they are trying to make you feel left out. I agree with others who question the friendship your FH has with this couple!
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