Martha
Just Said Yes January 2022

My fiance lied he was single but i discovered he is married and living together with wife.

Martha, on November 24, 2021 at 10:47 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 18
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It's Thanksgiving evening and I'm a lone.
I met my guy online in January and everything blew up. We instantly clicked and talked for hours every evening.
I traveled across the country to NJ to meet him in June. I paid for my own air tickets and even the hotel where we slept. It was love at first sight, I mean Chemistry.......
The next day he bought me breakfast and lunch which I didn't need because I don't eat breakfast or lunch but accompanied him because he needed to eat. I offered to pay for the meals anyway but he wouldn't let me. He later threw it in my face to justify the things he did for me to show love.
He told me he separated from his wife 3 years ago. At first he said, he moved out of their house but another time he told me she moved out with another guy. 馃檮
When I visited him, the wife texted me and asked why I talked or texted her husband a lot. I played dumb but when I asked him about the wife, he told me his ex is a crazy woman who won't leave him alone.
Later in the day, he took my phone, texted his wife and told her I was a lesibian. I have been raped by several men hence I hate men. He blocked his wife's number on my line, deleted the messages from my phone and also deleted the contact. I recovered the telephone number and unblocked it.. His wife apologized to me for sending the messages, actually thinking I was everything the man texted using my phone.
Weeks later, I put together everything. He only called in the evening and always when he is going out to do something.
His telephone number is registered in his wife's name.
He told me he had a male roommate because he just sold his house and looking to buy one.
All weekends his phone is either off or he isn't going to pick the calls.
I confronted him with the truth about him living together with his wife and not ever separated but he blamed me for going behind his back to stair stuff.... He claimed he was afraid to tell me the truth because he didn't want me to leave him.He is so miserable in his marriage, he said.
He apologized and promised to tell me everything.
He wants to move in with me in my house before getting a divorce. His official separation will be moving from his house to my house. He doesn't like the idea of renting a house together. I own a house fully paid for but I don't want to bring a man to live FREE in my own house, especially the one who is still married and paying his wife's bills.
He told me that he will spend the last holidays with his family and will move out/ in with me permanently.
Something is fishy though....
He said he was going alone to spend Thanksgiving holidays with his sister in New Orleans but I learned intuitively that he has actually gone with his entire family. His wife's family is also in New Orleans. He said both his sister and wife's sister live in New Orleans.
I'm a self-made millionaire, I don't need anything from him. I want him to be independent and responsible though.
He claims due to some lawsuit, all his wealth is hidden,not even his current wife can find. He believes even I should not know because the people who sued him, though he already won the case may sue him again and if I know about his assets, I might tell the court.
He says even after the divorce, his wife will have to remain on his insurance because she cannot live without it.That he will keep meeting all her bills even though she is a b...
He Wants to come and spend a week with me in Virginia but keeps asking about where he will stay and the size of my house. He wants to know how much I got in total if it's liquidated.
He wants us to have babies and be happy ever after.
I'm here alone in the house. I can't call him freely to tell him how much I love him. It's him who calls me.

I have tried to end the relationship but he blamed me for making him fall in love with me and asking his wife for a separation and divorce yet I want to leave him.
He claims he is leaving his wife for me and yet when I met him I was simply looking for a single man.

Tell me I'm right to want to block him forever.

18 Comments

Latest activity by Ellen, on December 13, 2021 at 7:04 AM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming
    • Flag

    First of all OP, I am so sorry that you have been lied to and manipulated in this way. Words can't explain how appalled I am by his actions and I can't even begin to imagine how hurt you must be feeling right now.

    Secondly, the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to cut ALL contact with this man immediately. This man is a master manipulator and has duped you, his wife, and who knows how many others. This behaviour is cunning and calculated and he will continue to be like this for the rest of his life and there is nothing that he can say or do to fix this situation or to regain your trust.

    Do not fall for any more of his words or his tricks. The sooner you can cut contact with him the better. I know you may not be entirely ready to do that but I can guarantee you that he will not change and you will only continue to be hurt by him again in the future if you keep speaking to him or give him another chance.

    • Reply
  • Martha
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Martha
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much,
    At least your response confirms that I'm not losing my mind entirely to want to cut ties with him.

    I will block him right now馃槖馃槖
    Again,
    Thank you for sharing.
    Happy Thanksgiving to you and family!

    • Reply
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    My mother's first husband was a similar man - the circumstances were not identical but what was similar was that he was a professional liar who betrayed the trust of many people - and he hurt her but she forgave him, and it wasn't until about 6 years later when he had done it all again another 3 times that she finally realised the harsh reality of the matter and left him.

    The point being, if you do not block him and cut ties completely, you will only fall into a pattern of behaviour with him and he will come across as doing everything to make it right before he goes on and comes up with more excuses which will lead you to discover what he is up to again.

    Cut your losses and have a drink this weekend to toast to you finding someone who deserves you!

    • Reply
  • Martha
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Martha
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You are a friend I never had. After your comment, I have read and re- read my post and it feels horrible that I didn't see the manipulation handy. Actually,I didn't realize it until I wrote it all down and when you mentioned lies and manipulation, I came back and read it like it's another person's post. It's exactly as you described. I'm done with him. I have blocked him and will never talk to him again. I know he will look for me and blame me for ruining his Thanksgiving, but I just won't talk if he tries contacting me using a new number.

    I'm really sorry about your mom. No one should go through what I'm going through right now


    Like you have said, I will cut my losses, burry my feelings and open up to someone who has nothing to lie about.

    Thank you again.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais
    • Flag
    Break it off. This situation will not get better or less complicated, and good chemistry with someone is not worth whatever this is. He鈥檚 married, has lied to you and his wife multiple times already.
    • Reply
  • Martha
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Martha
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    YES, my dear. There are way too many red flags. After reading my own post in black and white, it's gross. I have already blocked him, he may try to contact me through a new number or my company toll free line.
    I'm not turning back. I don't think his wife even knows he is planning to leave her that is if what he says is true.

    Thank you again for sparing your precious time on this special day to read my post let alone share your opinion. At least you have cemented that I'm not crazy to want to cut ties.
    Happy Thanksgiving holidays to you and your family!
    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Master November 2054
    Jacks
    • Flag

    He sounds like a gaslighting predator. Definitely you're right to block him. One thing about these types is they make you doubt your own gut instinct. Maybe when things settle a bit go for counselling to help figure out why you fell for him, and to prevent that from happening again. My best to you.

    • Reply
  • Martha
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Martha
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You are definitely right!!!

    He made me doubt my thoughts and everything I thought was wrong. I caught him red handed on series of lies but he claimed a victim every single time.

    I don't think it is okay for him to call a wife he is living with his EX. and me his Wifey. I'm depressed but this post and your comments have made me stronger than ever.
    Thank you abundantly!
    • Reply
  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE
    • Flag
    Since when is Virginia across the country from New Jersey?
    • Reply
  • Martha
    Just Said Yes January 2022
    Martha
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Kyle, I'm a business owner with 12 different locations in 5 states, Virginia is my main home. I would not disclose flight points here. It's not necessary that every time I get on a plane it's from Virginia. And YES, it was a cross the country.


    Thank you for your concern though. I hope you are enjoying your Thanksgiving holidays...
    Cheers 馃
    • Reply
  • Bird
    Devoted June 2021
    Bird Online
    • Flag
    My gut reaction is that he is a narcissist and a manipulator. Your story reminds me of bits of pieces of my relationship with my ex boyfriend, who was emotionally abusive towards me. I鈥檓 so thankful I got out of that relationship and am now with a loving, caring and stable man. I pray that you find the same happiness. 鉂わ笍
    • Reply
  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph
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    View Quoted Comment
    No self made millionaire would ever be in this situation鈥. Someone please tell me this is a made up story? The amount of men on this planet and you are in here asking us about this situation as if you don鈥檛 already know the answer? Clearly he is full of it and has some nefarious motive behind stringing you along like this. There isn鈥檛 a lawsuit or assets you can just keep in secret from your wife鈥 this whole story is just a mess but if that鈥檚 your reality right now I鈥檇 say you are intelligent enough to know that you need to not only block this man but also get an entire restraining order against him. ASAP.
    • Reply
  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    That鈥檚 the correct word for this man鈥. A PREDATOR! Also, great advice on the counseling. I agree.
    • Reply
  • Trisha
    Savvy October 2022
    Trisha
    • Flag
    Im trying to understand how it got so far that you call him your fianc茅?
    • Reply
  • N
    Savvy December 2021
    Nathalie
    • Flag
    You are right in wanting to block him forever. He鈥檚 selfish, manipulative, and a liar. He wants to keep you in this limbo and he wants to also have his wife. He鈥檚 trash. Absolutely.
    • Reply
  • N
    Savvy December 2021
    Nathalie
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Phew, I鈥檓 glad you saw the sign girl. Good for you!
    • Reply
  • E
    Just Said Yes November 2022
    Emily
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Having survived a hideously duplicitous circus of a relationship before meeting my fantastic fiance, be glad you were able to start seeing enough of the red flags and warning bells now to get your brain working straight again before wasting any more time. He鈥檚 a worthless piece of human flotsam.
    • Reply
  • Ellen
    Devoted October 2021
    Ellen
    • Flag
    OMG I just read this. I鈥檓 so sorry sweetheart that you went through this. I鈥檓 sending prayers and hugs. Please, do speak with a counselor and also look up Dr Ramani on YouTube. This man is malignant. I鈥檓 glad you blocked him, I鈥檓 sure the love bombing in the beginning was intense and wonderful, but it鈥檚 not real. You deserve a king who will treat you like a queen and cherish you. Much love to you dear.
    • Reply

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