My fiancé is deployed. Advice?

Sounds like us, almost exactly.

First eight months we were together, he was in MOS school and I was studying abroad in Australia. Then I came back and we were long distance CA to VA for a few months. Then he deployed. I didn't see him for another 8 months. He missed my graduation, and all kinds of other things. Then he came back, and even though we weren't getting married for another 4 1/2 months I decided to just move to CA and rent a room so I could be closer to him. I was just done with the long distance.

There is no way to stop thinking about him. It didn't matter what I was doing, he was always in the back of my mind. Any time my phone rang my heart leapt because it might be him calling from his CO's phone, or it might be his mom calling to tell me he was hurt or killed. Even finals couldn't distract me, and summer was the worst because I didn't have a job lined up.

Honestly, just take it one day at a time. Remember to eat, sleep, and exercise. Understand you might need to see a doctor for depression or anxiety, if that becomes an issue. Next deployment I will likely get a prescription for Xanax, because I did have several breakdowns along the way. Once was when he missed our Skype date. Of course my imagination went to awful places.

It's weird because a part of me feels like it hasn't hit me yet because I'm not as sad as I was when ex was in boot camp but I think that's because that was the first time I was ever away from someone like that and our relationship wasn't that stable but with my fiancé our relationship is stable and he isn't in a combat zone. Sometimes a part of me feels bad because I feel like I should be sad all the time and crying. I do have moments when I do cry because I miss him but it's not constant. I feel like a part of me is trying to be strong so I'm not letting myself be sad so that turns into like an internal battle because when I'm sad I'll try to convince myself I'm not but then it'll be to the point that I don't want to eat or do anything so sometimes I won't eat or only eat once a day

I'm a future army wife. From NH to TX we're planning the wedding and it can be tough sometimes. The best advice I can give is to keep yourself occupied, and try to keep communication with other people as well. Unfortunately the military is pretty unpredictable and you have to usually roll with the punches. Good luck, I wish you the best.

I haven't been sleeping or eating properly. Sometimes I don't go to bed till like 6am and eat at the 5 pm and that be the only time I eat. I feel like i have to MAKE myself go do something social. I've been thinking about talking to a school counselor. Do you guys think I should?

Yes, absolutely talk to a counselor. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now and could be exhibiting some symptoms of depression.

I think so too. I'm just super stressed right now. I am a pre med students and I will be taking the MCAT next year so this semester I have been trying to finish all my other requirements for the application like volunteering and stuff and I could always talk to my fiancé about it but now he's not here I feel like I can't talk to anyone about school or him because now of my friends are pre med and they don't have military guys. I just bought melatonin today because I heard that helps with sleep. I guess it's just kind of hard for me to go into a counseling center because I always try to talk myself out of it trying to convince myself that it isn't that bad and I'll get over it eventually. Did any of you guys get a little depressed when your SO left?

Please go talk to a counselor. As a pre-med student, you know that people in the medical field always put themselves last, but you also know that you can't take care of other people if you don't take care of yourself. Just being able to share your concerns with someone will be a big help. You say you always try to talk yourself out of seeing someone because you'll get over it eventually. If you had a broken arm wouldn't you see someone about fixing it? The emotional part of you is just as important! Take care of yourself.

Future career military wife here. My fiancé was assigned to a base out of the country for two years. Thank goodness it was also a non-combat situation (although regional craziness worried me occasionally) and we were able to communicate some way or another every day. I was definitely depressed and mopey when he left.

If you have a counselor at your disposal that's wonderful, take full advantage of that! Make yourself do things that you love to do, whether that means keeping up with a hobby you enjoy or spending time with friends. Although you're a student so I'm sure you're quite busy! I remember reading military spouse books and blogs and a lot of them mentioning how they would make sure to pamper themselves a little when their spouses deployed. Not saying to buy a new car or anything, but go have a nice dinner, buy a froo-froo coffee drink or two, get a massage.

It's okay to feel sad and think about him all the time, and it does get better. And it's 3-5 months which in the grand scheme of things isn't that bad! There are spouses out there in combat zones and in harm's way. There are spouses on ships that can only email their SO's while at sea for 9 months. Good luck and I hope counseling and the support of friends will help!

I understand how you feel. My daughters fiancé is currently stationed at another state. She does travel back and forth every couple months. He does come home 1-2x a year. Yes, you can face time, text and call. But you still miss them. There's nothing wrong with seeing a counselor. They are there to help. And also, talk to us military wives, girlfriends, and moms. We can be there for you anytime.

You sound depressed, even if you don't think you are. Not eating, not sleeping properly, not socializing...? Go see a counselor. It's hard enough, you need to take care of yourself.

All my friends keep telling me to tell my fiancé but I don't think that's a good idea. He doesn't need to be worrying about this especially with what he's doing and it's not like it will change anything. If anything it'll just make me worried that he's worring about it all the time

Ya communication is just hard because of the area he's in. They have wifi but they do a lot of stuff where they are under the wire. I don't know really have military girlfriends or wives. There is one girl in my class who's fiancé is in the army but he's just got in so he's still in training and not deployed yet. Do you guys think I should tell him?

I totally understand how you feel. Fh isn't deployed and hasn't been yet. And I feel very blessed for that. He's been in the service for two years. We only dated for a month before he went to basic so our whole relationship has been long distant and through letters, phone calls texts and any means we could find. Talking to others was what kept me sane through it all. I still have my rough days and most of the time it's not that hard any more it's gotten easier with time. He's stationed in Alaska, we only see each other twice a year once every 6 months.

It's always tough! I'm lucky that I've been able to keep good communication with DH. But I have a friend who's husband deploys often. She relied on Skype and really enjoyed sending care packages! They made her feel better and made him feel special!

I'm going thru the same thing. My fiancée is in a non combat zone for 6 months and he's only been gone a month. I try to keep busy with school, work, wedding planning and the gym but it's hard. I'm missing him terribly.