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Beginner October 2019

My fiancé & i can’t settle on a wedding date.

Katesyface, on August 30, 2018 at 10:43 PM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 15

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So, my fiancé proposed last Sunday after a year of talking about getting married including location & music & date. I love him with all my heart and he nothing but thoughtful and loving. We have disagreements and talk civil never yelling. We have been together 1.5 years but I’m a month shy of 40 years old and he’s 2 years my junior. So we know what we do and don’t Want! This is the first marriage for us both.

ive always wanted an October wedding. Before my grandmother passed last year (she and I were super close) we knew she wouldn’t be alive for our 2019 wedding but he and I agreed on the date being my grandparent wedding anniversary which luckily fell on a weekend. It is Sunday Oct 27 2019. I have asked him many times after if that date was still ok and if there is any wedding detail we agree on can it be the date. He always said yes of course.

fast forward to after the perfect proposal and discussing the date. Again I want to make sure it is still oct. 27. He sounds surprised it is on a Sunday and said he would prefer A Saturday night wedding so guests don’t have to work the next day. The. guests.

When i brought up how I’ve multiple times confirmed the date with him (he knew I was low key telling family and friends this date) he said “well, now it’s real”. We both thought up compromises, from getting married at 12:01 to signing th marriage papers the next day but that just seems silly. But what he said bothers me and I feel stupid like my grief is being unreasonable about a date! But I told him many times it means a lot to me. Part of me wants to be stubborn and another wants to just move past it because it’s our special day that I know would still make my granny happy no matter what day. But we TOLD her. Plus I’m just a sucker for family tradition, and I’m emotional because my mother died 2 years ago before my bff Granny who passed 1 year ago. My family is crazy close.

im overreacting right? Please tell me this is silly to be bothered about.

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Bridget, on November 14, 2018 at 1:44 PM

Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on August 30, 2018 at 10:54 PM
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Congratulations on your engagement! I totally understand your sentimental attachment to that date, but I'm sure your grandmother would want you to have peace, not worry. I think having it on Oct. 26 would be perfectly wonderful and still close enough to honor your grandparents. Before/right when we got engaged, I thought we'd be getting married in 2018 or early 2019, but we pushed it back for the sake of his family. Things change, but just focus on being happy...you're getting married! yay!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on August 30, 2018 at 11:37 PM
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Congrats Katy! I’m mid 40s and this is my 1st marriage too. Hmm... I can understand your ties to the date. Plus, a Sunday wedding (brunch or early dinner) is fine for guests. If this is really important I say you try to convince your fiancé. And this is already hard without your mother & grandma!! Maybe he can understand that?
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Expert September 2019
Realynn · on August 31, 2018 at 5:13 AM
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Keep in mind that it’s you and your FH’s day. I love the idea of being married the same day grandparents, but at the same time I feel like this is a day (both the wedding and future anniversaries) where the focus should be on you and your husband. Getting married on the same day as your grandparents is important to you, but is it just as equally important to him?

Buttttttt I also dont see what’s wrong with signing papers the next day. Yeah, it isn’t normally but if the date is that important to you then it doesn’t seem like a silly idea at all . Either way, I don’t think there’s necessarily a ‘wrong date’ in this situation~ And extra tip, guests tend to drunk less, leave earlier, and/or not attend Sunday weddings.
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VIP September 2019
latasha · on August 31, 2018 at 9:13 AM
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Congratulations on your engagement. I don’t think you are overreacting at all but I do think you should take some time to breathe and step back from the issue and kind of put priorities in order and perspective in focus here. I just recently lost my dad and it’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. I’m trying to hold onto him as much as possible and wanted some way to include a piece of him in my wedding so I get it. TOTALLY. I think this is where compromise needs to come in and I think the perfect compromise would be to have the ceremony and reception on a Sat (your guest may thank you for this because they will have time to recoup before work) and then sign the papers the next day. I don’t think that’s silly if that dates means that much to you and it would solve the issue you guys are having. Marriage is all about compromises and hard decisions and I think this is the universe testing that :-). There is a solution here so I think you should take a moment, breathe and consider it again. There will be so much things that will come up as planning goes on so I think you should get use to compromising and not having everything the way you envision it. I wish you all the best and hope you guys figure it out. Sorry that you are having this issue.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on August 31, 2018 at 9:32 AM
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Congrats on your engagement!

I understand both your perspectives here... but I also don’t see what’s wrong with a Sunday wedding! I’m getting married on a Sunday afternoon... ceremony will be at noon and reception will be from 2-6. None of our guests will be tired for work the next day, and then FH and I can have the evening to ourselves to relax and enjoy being together!

So, I’m biased to agree with you because I think Sunday afternoon weddings are lovely, because you get to spend a whole day of celebrating with husband rather than spend a whole day getting ready (it’s less expensive to get married on a Sunday too).

I think if you give your guests notice far in advance, if anyone really doesn’t want to worry about work the next day they can take off! The date is so meaningful to you, and I don’t see anything wrong with getting married on a Sunday.
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Expert May 2019
Jane · on August 31, 2018 at 9:33 AM
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Speak to him again rationally.... Signing the papers on the Sunday is a good idea but why not have your celebration the Saturday afterwards when you are legally man and wife?
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Savvy May 2019
Sabrina · on August 31, 2018 at 9:36 AM
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WOW, though spot. The significance of the date is very special and I think you should explain to him how you feel. But it is your marriage and you want to have your own tradition as a newlywed and he probably wants to make his own memories and set his own tradition. I think it another way you can commemorate your grandparents because he probably doesn't want you to be sad every anniversary because your thinking of them. I think on this one you can bend only if it is causing unnecessary tension. Maybe for a renewal you can do it on your grandparent's day.
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Beginner October 2019
Katesyface · on August 31, 2018 at 9:49 AM
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These are ALL wonderful thoughts and responses, i cannot thank you enough. We are both taking time to think about things, and we will discuss ideas over the weekend. I'm coming around to the idea of getting married the day before their anniversary on a Saturday, but I'd like to price both a Saturday and Sunday wedding to show him how much we can save since we are paying for it all. At least 20%, especially if it's a day wedding.
Also, I'm not a drinker so the partying concern for guests is not really a concern to me, though I do want them to be able to drink and be merry. I know those who would want to be there would be there regardless of the day. Even if it was on a Wednesday at 10am, our closest friends and family would be there with us the whole time!
I agree I need to just step away and let my grief not make this decision. I have a feeling i'll be battling my grief for the next year and I'm already exhausted! But luckily I have the most understanding and supportive fiance who wants nothing but for me to be happy without compromising himself and his wants and needs. And that is why I love him and just want to be married to him! I realized this morning that no one, living or dead, should influence our day, whether it's guests or family members who have passed. We should not base decisions completely on what they would want though of course try to take it into consideration.
Also, I am really not looking forward to being the center of attention around 100 people, so the less who attend i'd be A-OK with. I just don't want my emotions to be irrational because i do know that marriage is a compromise and we've done a wonderful job doing so in our relationship thus far.
It's true what I said to him though...if we can get through planning a wedding we can get through anything! haha
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Beginner October 2019
Katesyface · on August 31, 2018 at 10:03 AM
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ALSO, as I think more about things, a Saturday wedding on October 26th, 2019 is exactly 14 months after the day he proposed on August 26th, 2018...so that's kinda cool!
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VIP October 2027
Lady.ghoulica · on August 31, 2018 at 10:41 AM
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I can understand both sides. I wouldn't want to get married on a Sunday, either. If you do decided upon that date, just be prepared in case a lot of people don't show up or leave early because they don't want to have to take off work.
I feel like you're being sentimental, but you FH is being more realistic. It doesn't mean that he doesn't value that date, or you needs, I think he is just trying to make the most out of your wedding.
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VIP January 2019
NVV2B · on August 31, 2018 at 10:53 AM
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Congrats on the engagement!
I think you both have valid points and reasons for the disagreement. Your FH wanting it to be on a Saturday for the guests is very valid. Sunday weddings are a very different tone from a late light Saturday wedding and it will be a completely different experience. So if you want the dance all night party type wedding, it needs to be a Saturday night. Now if you are ok with a Brunch type wedding then Sunday would work. But that is something you need to discuss with FH.

Here is what I would do - Have the ceremony and reception late night on Saturday the 26th, Then at midnight - make it a huge ordeal and sign the marriage certificate on the 27th so that will be your anniversary. I think this would be really fun! You could do a champagne toast then, people could pop streamers or confetti, etc. I think this is the best compromise
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Super October 2019
Maria · on November 14, 2018 at 10:39 AM
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I would weigh what is more important to both of you. I always wanted to get married on or near my parents' anniversary (their 39th is on a Friday next year) so I was considering the following day but there were no available venues. My mom appreciated the thought but said that it is MY day and that whatever day we had to go will become special to us.
I think that getting married on the same weekend as your Grandma is still very special and you can find a way to honor her - announcement like "On this weekend X Years ago Grandma & Grandpa X got married and were together for X years - what an inspiration to the bride and groom!" or include their wedding photos like below...
You can't control how dates fall in the calendar so hopefully you two can come up with a compromise!
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Beginner October 2019
Katesyface · on November 14, 2018 at 11:52 AM
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Update for Y'all!
We found the perfect location within our budget (I walked into the historic ballroom and nearly cried) with the only available date of Saturday 10/19/19, and that was my second choice because I adore numerical alliteration, so low and behold, that is now our wedding date!
My fiance let me come to the realization on my own that the day and date is ours and no one else's, thanks to everyone here responding with sensitivity & my sister also reiterating that my mother and grandmother would never want me to choose a date based on either of them if it came down to splitting hairs, so that helped me come back down to earth. He said that's why he's marrying me, he doesn't need to tell me i'm being too sensitive or unrealistic because eventually I come to the realization on my own lol. He just tries to come up with alternative compromises in the mean time without compromising what he wants, and that's why I'm marrying him! Plus, he said we can do whatever I want the weekend of the anniversary of my Grandparents.
I cannot thank you all enough. This is my first and hopefully last wedding, so this will not be my last post!
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Beginner October 2019
Katesyface · on November 14, 2018 at 11:54 AM
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I love the framed wedding photos better than any of the "in memorium" photo tables, thank you for the idea! Being so sentimental is going to be my downfall lol
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VIP August 2019
Bridget · on November 14, 2018 at 1:44 PM
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My personal opinion is that yes, you are overreacting. I love that you want to honor your grandparents this way, and I think the compromise you came to sounded like a good one. Have your wedding on Saturday and then sign your certificate the next day. Or you can have a fun sunday brunch wedding. I agree with your FH that its hard on guests that have to work on monday to have an evening wedding on a sunday.

I just saw your update! thats adorable! congratulations!!!
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