My Fiance Doesn't Want a Wedding

That's tough. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. My DH didn't want a wedding. I didn't want one either. I told him we should just get married. He HAD to get me an engagement ring and propose. After that, it was hard to disappoint everyone. We chose to have a smallish wedding, 71 people. Not that he will say it, but I think he's glad we did it. However, neither of us were married before.

It sounds like you have a compromise already by having a small wedding. What is his specific reasoning for avoiding a wedding? Is it money? A distaste for being the center of attention? Why did he go along with planning if he didn't want a wedding? Honestly, maybe he would rather not be involved in the details. I'm sure that my DH didn't care to hear anything about the wedding lol.
Find out if there is anything he is willing/happy to do other than a courthouse wedding. You both have your own needs and wants. There has to be a compromise somewhere.

May I ask what your personal reasons are for not doing a courthouse wedding? Totally OK that you don't but that is important to understand. Maybe he is feeling stressed out by all the planning and details. It can be overwhelming even when one or both people are really excited. I'm not trying to imply anything harsh but my husband would get bored out of his mind if I just overwhelmed him with unnecessary info that he is just going along with to make me happy and not something he cares about. I'm wondering if your husband feels the same way.. wants to marry you but doesn't want to be a part of the nitty gritty details.


My husband and I eloped, got married in a foreign town hall and our time away was both our wedding and honeymoon. Instead of overwhelming him with info on costs and boring stuff, it was treated like vacation planning which was more interesting to him. I'd ask for his opinion on things to do/places to see which included his interests instead of, "Oh I think we MUST do/need this and I've booked it already". He seemed quite eager with that approach to participate in the planning.

I will add that we both hate to be the centre of attention, he is an introvert and I'm in the middle.. we have a lot on our plates so our wedding was a compromise between our wants/needs. I am sure if I pushed a big wedding, he would have just gone along with it but he wouldn't have been happy. I hope you both can find a compromise. That's the only way it's gonna work.

Maybe he wants something less formal than you are planning. Like would he be more comfortable if you ordered like subs to your guy's back yard for the 40 guests? Talk to him about him. I'd legit ask him what his vision of the wedding day would be if he got to do it all. If I let my FH 100% pick everything, we'd be eating Chipotle in a Library rec room with like twenty of his college friends playing bored games, that being said I've made what we're planning incorporate his ideas and thoughts a lot while keeping some wedding traditions that we agree on.

View Quoted Comment That's exactly it he just won't tell me and he thinks everything is going to be super fancy I guess. It's not. It's a laid back casual thing. We aren't going to spend more than $1500 on the whole ordeal. He was really excited to begin with.

View Quoted Comment Hmm. That's difficult. I would tell him that if he can't articulate his issue with the wedding, you can't justify losing deposits, etc. If the issue is only the wedding and not being married in general, he should be able to tell you why.

View Quoted Comment He said he doesn't understand why we need a caterer. I tried to explain to him that we need to feed our guests. I think that he is under the impression that it's gonna be a fancy ordeal with the food and it's not. I was just trying to figure out what he wanted. The wedding already has that backyard feel. Itll be at the Veterans Garden which is run by really good friends of ours.

View Quoted Comment My issues with having a courthouse wedding is that one I promised my late grandmother who passed that I wouldn't do that. She was a very important part of my life and I'm trying to respect her wishes. Two his last two weddings were shotgun courthouse weddings. They didn't think anything through and they were 'total disasters' his words not mine. He initially told me he doesn't want a courthouse wedding because he wanted this time to be different.

View Quoted Comment

Does he just want to do like a potluck or self cater like hotdogs and hamburgers. Sounds like he's making excuses and you really need to talk to him about what's about it has made him no longer excited about the wedding.

We had a really long talk this morning and he just is really overwhelmed with all the prices of stuff and he thinks we are going to spend a lot on this. We both don't come from much and we've been through a lot these past few years. He would rather I do all the planning because he's never been good at it. I told him I don't want to do something he doesn't like. We worked it out and we have an agreement of sorts.

View Quoted Comment Your wedding sounds wonderful!! My fh is introvert and I’m in the middle like you. We have a big wedding (100 people) planned for a few months away but I’ve been stalling finishing planning and it makes me sick to think about it sometimes. He wants to elope or have a dinner w our parents, siblings, and grandparents. I’m considering cancelling the big party because I just can’t have that day which is supposed to be “our day” be something only one person wanted. Very confused and would appreciate your thoughts!

I am in the same boat, doesn't want a wedding. Wants to go to the courthouse.
I won't do it. I want a small only 25 people wedding.
The cost is a factor as well. I had had quotes of $5,000 for 25 people. Absolute ludicrist.
I just cant justify spending that amount of money. Very stressful this Is why we have been engaged for almost 6 years.
I have negotiated as much as I can.
Doing as much DIY as I can
The cost overall is still ridiculous.
And he also doesn't want to be in front of people.
Just don't know what to do? Not our first rodeo we have both been married before.
I just want a little something with family and friends.

Just keep doing what your doing and by the time the big day comes he'll see it was worth it.