My FH wants his cousin to be a bridesmaid

You get to pick your bridesmaids. End of story.

Bridesmaids are YOUR people. If he wants her to stand she can be a Groomswoman.

See, I disagree that you get to pick your bridesmaids. It's a wedding for both of you. What is the big deal if he wants someone in the wedding? Why does this bother you so much?

I agree with LivelyBride. It is both of you all wedding. I have my FH 2 sisters as a bridesmaid, 1 sister as a greeter and 1 of his cousin as a greeter too. FH has my teenage brother as 1 of his groomsmen.

You shouldn't feel forced to add her. He wants to add her only for balance and that's not necessary.

And, seriously, he need to stop adding GM.

Personally, I don't see the problem (if it was someone he was close with). FH and I both like the traditional standing of men with the groom and women with the bride

I wanted one of my BFFs (guy) that I've known forever to stand up and FH wanted his two sisters to stand up. We compromised (originally wanted three on each side) and my friend is a groomsmen and his sisters bridesmaids. Marriage is all about compromise and I don't understand not wanting to do that in the start of the marriage...the wedding. I just hate the immediate stance of it YOUR BRIDESMAIDS, your choice. Its defensive and doesn't end well.

Sure, I feel that you want the people closest to you to be a part of the bridal party, but I don't see why a groom isn't allowed to ask of his bride that his sister/friend/cousin stand up and be apart of the wedding and vice versa....I agree that placement for a 45 minute ceremony isn't that big of deal and it shouldn't matter whether there is a girl standing with the groomsmen or a guy standing with the bridesmaids, but to some people it does.

That is true it's for both of us, but he gets his groomsmen. Or as Andixlyn stated, she could stand with the men. I think there is a few reasons it bothers me. 1. they are not that close and I don't really know her 2. this was not his idea, it was his mother's 3. I have plenty of people to ask that are my friends. However, my mother also agrees with you, because I won the no children battle.

A few thoughts--the bridal party really doesn't have to be even. My FH and I selected our attendants together for the most part. I think it's ok to make decisions together and have them stand on whichever side you want. If his cousin has already been asked and accepted you can't take it back but maybe you can give her the option to stand on the groom's side? If she stays on your side I would suggest keeping her in the loop about activities like the shower and bachelorette, but don't expect her to help plan or come unless she is able. Your other 2 girls will help you and be there for you, and you were already only planning on the 2 of them so it shouldn't be a strain. I am in a similar situation. One of my brothers is a groomsman and one of his cousins is a bridesmaid. She in particular is really young and not very responsible--we will be helping her financially. I'm not expecting anything from her and that's ok. Her only job is to wear the dress I buy for her, walk down the aisle, and stand there while we say our vows.

This is a wedding. You're not picking teams. What you should be picking, however, is your battles. Is this a battle you care about? Like really?

I was a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding. I lived halfway across the country and barely knew his wife at the time. I didn't get to participate in the bridal shower or bachelorette party being so far away, but it meant a lot to him to have me be part of it and I was honored. And I got to know his wife a lot more through it. If you are fine with your current number of bm, I guess I don't see a big problem in including her and her not being able to be part of the pre-wedding things (of course I'd still offer though). If it's something that means a lot to him, isn't it worth it to include someone that will become part of your family, rather than adding another friend you had no plan to otherwise?

I appreciate your input and stance on this matter, Ms. LivelyBride and Ms. Maltese, and no it's not a team we are picking. You two seem just as passionate about this issue as I was. However, as you said Maltese it is not his BFF nor are they close. However, as I stated i don't want to fight, and have considered having her in it, but wanted to vent to other brides to see the opinions.

Yes, Megan I do have intention on including her in on the plans, once it is established she is in the party.

I get where you're coming from, given that they are not close. We were adamant about only having those closest to us in those roles. In the end, we opted for only a MOH and BM. I personally do not like the thought of having someone for the sake of symmetry, especially if they are not close to you as a couple.

FH and I both had to make some hard decisions when choosing our bridal party. One difficult decision stemmed around a family member. What it boiled down to for us was, looking back in 10, 15, or 20 years will we be glad we had this person standing next to us, or will we regret it. No one could answer that question but us. No one can answer that but you.

You don't know this cousin now, but you aren't just marrying your FH, you are marrying into his family. Is this someone that 10 years from now you might actually know, like and enjoy being around, even if it is only at occasional family functions since you don't live near each other? You might find her to be a great friend and someone you keep in touch with despite the distance.

She doesn't HAVE to be a bridesmaid. She can be a reader or guestbook attendant. But if it was important to my FH to include her, I would find something special for her, regardless of her distance, whether I had never met her or knew what she looked like (doesn't sound like thats the case, but just saying), or even if I hated her, haha. If it was me, unless she was taking the place of someone that I REALLY wanted to be a bridesmaid, since that was FH asked and it seemed important, I would have her be a bridesmaid. If it meant that I couldn't have someone that was really important to me be a bridesmaid, then it would be different and we would find another place for her (FH would never ask me to replace one of my friends with one of his and vice versa).

Thank you Amber S.

I 100% agree with @Maltese.

Personally I like the girls to stand with the bride and the guys to stand with the groom. If you had a best friend that was a guy, you could totally ask your FH that he stand with him. And vice versa. Marriage isn't just about you, its about both of you and if he is close with his cousin, then you should be fine with letting her stand with you. Don't just pick another friend because he wants to add another groomsmen. If you wanted her to stand with you in the first place that would be different. But it sounds like you are picking her just so that there are even numbers when FH has mentioned that he would like his cousin to stand with you.

My FH wants his girl cousin to stand with us as a bridesmaid because he sees her as a little sister and I am completely fine with that. I know it would be important to him. I have only gotten to hang out with her a couple times because she lives out of state, but I would love to have her stand with us.

Your bridal party doesn't have to be even. I am only having a MOH and he is having 2 best men.