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Just Said Yes February 2025

My ffil feels left out and had a long conversation with fi on Saturday.

Sarah, on July 8, 2024 at 7:39 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

My FI and I are getting married in February. We are both 26 and recently finished grad school programs. My parents are divorced. My mom has been on SSDI due to a spinal cord injury for many years now and can't contribute financially to the wedding. My dad remarried and has three kids with his second wife and was able to contribute a bit to the wedding. My FI's father is in much better financial situation and he stepped in to help give a big financial contribution to the wedding which we are grateful for. FI's mother died when he was a teenager.

I admit that I have been heavily planning the wedding with help from my mom. My mom due to her disability uses a wheelchair. I like picking her up and getting her out of the house to tour venues and talk with vendors with FI and I. My parents have become friends with FFIL and communicate via text and on Facebook. My mom had been texting pictures and samples of invitations and other weddings to my dad and FFIL.

On Saturday, FFIL went over to my FI's apartment and he said he feels left out of the wedding and that he feels like being cast aside in my favor of my mom. FFIL also stated that he is quite saddened and understandably so because FFIL's mom isn't here. FFIL told my FI that he doesn't want to feel like a guest at the wedding and that he fears that he will end up being an afterthought at the wedding and in our lives going forward. FFIL has told FI that he's disappointed that FI no longer sees him as a parent figure.

I don't want to FFIL to hurt because he's just as important as my side of the family. I'm unsure of how to include him.

6 Comments

Latest activity by Michael, on July 13, 2024 at 3:24 AM
  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I would probably talk to him and explain that you never meant to exclude him and you’d be happy to have him involved in some of the planning. We had our parents tour venues with us and attend the tasting to pick out what we wanted to serve. I’m not sure what you all have chosen thus far, but maybe see what he’s interested in and invite him along to some tours and things!
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  • C
    CM ·
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    I don't think it's obvious that his contribution meant he wanted to be involved in decision making or planning and I think he could have picked a far better way to express himself than those passive aggressive, overblown comments but he obviously wants to be more involved. Now that you know I would clarify his expectations.

    Does the contribution comes with strings attached in terms of decision making? If not, and he just wants to be included I agree that it's a nice gesture to invite him along on tours and keep him in the loop. If it does you have to decide if it's worth it to you.

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  • V
    Champion July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Some things you could include him in would be suit/tux selection and fittings for the suits/tuxes. Another idea would be that if you haven't selected a restaurant for your rehearsal dinner then you could ask for his assistance with picking a restaurant. You could also invite him to food/cake tastings. I'm sure there's some way to make him feel more included than he currently does.

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  • R
    Rosebud ·
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    Well it sounds like an honest mistake, I m not sure how many father s of the groom really want to be a heavy part of the planning. Now that you know he wants to be a part of the planning you can involve him more. Maybe get his opinion on cake flavors, music choices, bring him to see th e venue if you ve already chosen it, and have him help your fiancé with some tasks. While weddings are indeed a joyous occasion they can also bring on some conflicting feelings it can feel like a bit of a loss for some parents, the best thing you can do is make him feel like a part of the family and work on blending your families. Wishing you all the best! Happy planning!

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  • SandyZV
    Dedicated June 2023
    SandyZV ·
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    I would open the invite to him for all the appointments. He wants to be involved, let him be involved.

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  • Michael
    Master October 2023
    Michael ·
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    You maybe could do video chat or have him present at times. Is he also wanting to have some special activity or role during the ceremony and reception?

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