My family is shaming me for being excited

I think you should tell your parents how they make you feel and how you want their support during this happy time. Ultimately you need to choose your date based on what works for you and if you want to start browsing nothing wrong. Maybe limit talk to those that won't shame you. Sorry that's happening but congrats on your engagement.

I was 23 when I got engaged and my fiancé was 21 and still in undergrad (although he only had one semester left). At first I felt like my parents weren’t excited at all for me, but after talking to them it became clear that I was just an emotional journey for them and they were still processing it because I’m the first in the family to get engaged. I am also doing all of the wedding planning by myself (with input from my fiancé) and I decided not to involve anyone else until our decision had been made on a topic. For example, I waited to to take my sister and mother to see the venue until after had booked it.


If your wedding isn’t for another 2 years, there’s no rush to plan it yet. However, if you are excited then you have every right to start looking into things! Just perhaps your parents aren’t the ones to project that excitement on to.
Did they know the proposal was coming? Perhaps they’re still processing it as well. They may also just want you to be established in a job and financial stable before you get married (that was my dad’s hope for me). I personally don’t recommend pushing the date back any further. If they haven’t started to support you in 2 years, another year or two probably won’t change that.
I’m sorry that they’re not excited for you - this is such an exciting life stage! Enjoy every moment of it and surround yourself with people who are excited for you!

It can be really hard when the people you want to be excited for you don’t have your level of enthusiasm- I dealt with the same. This site has been a really helpful place to get excited and feel others excitement so I really recommend it!


In terms of a long engagement (mine was about as long as yours): two years is a long time and might seem too far out for your family/friends to get excited about. As the day draws closer, you’ll start getting excited questions from those that are close to you.

I would avoid talking about your wedding to people that don't seem excited. Given that your wedding is still so far away, they obviously aren't going to be as quick to help you plan this far in advance. Also, no one is ever as excited as the bride and groom. Our wedding was 11 months after we got engaged and there were definitely times that I avoided my husband or family because all I talked about was the wedding.

I agree that you should avoid talking about it with people who obviously are not interested. I’m sorry that’s happened :/ but they could have personal matters going on or think it’s so far away that it’s not worth getting excited about yet. Aside from that, pick the date that works for you. Don’t “run” it by your parents. Give them the date and they can figure it out.

I got engaged a couple of weeks after my college graduation. We're having a long engagement so we can save money so we will end up getting married a few months before we turn 24. My parents haven't been the most supportive either. They love my fiance but they didn't have a wedding so they don't see the point in me wasting money on one. They gave me a check to contribute but have also tried to steer me in a different direction (eloping) many times. It's frustrating having to plan everything alone but it is what it is! Hang in there

I'm sorry you are being treated that way. If you want to start planning, I'd plan with your fiance and not involve anyone else. They clearly aren't invested & don't have your happiness at heart. You can pick a date for your wedding, hopefully your parents show up. If not, their loss. Typically the bride & groom don't host their own engagement party though. Someone offers to throw it for them or they don't have one.

View Quoted Comment My problem with the engagement party is I’ve had no one offer to throw one and I really do want one and I don’t see it as fair if I just don’t have one because it’s not within the norms for the couple to host the party themselves. So I’m just torn on that. We wouldn’t expect gifts and would make that clear but we also May just invite a small crowd who would be excited to celebrate.

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I understand! We didn't have one (no one offered but it's not super common in our friend group to have engagement parties). I personally wouldn't care if someone threw their own party, it's just not typical & some people (like my parents for sure) would see it as against etiquette.

View Quoted Comment My problem with them acting this way is that I am not asking them to help me plan anything. It’s more just advice here and there if there is any I need. So far I’ve just expressed my excitement and asked my parents how they liked their outdoor wedding because that’s my dream wedding and I just get put down because, I don’t know why. They think it’s too early? We aren’t going the traditional route in that the parents pay for everything, I don’t have that kind of relationship with my parents and if they are planning to help, then they’re good at avoiding answering my questions about money because if my fiancé and I are paying for the wedding, that means we have to save for the wedding.

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Very good advice, Alejandra. I totally agree.

I'm sorry they are responding this way, but I think unless someone has planned a wedding recently and/or truly knows how early venues book, talking about a wedding that won't happen for 2.5 years just seems silly to a lot of people. That doesn't mean it is silly, it just means a lot of people don't understand. Is it also possible your family isn't quite sure you're truly serious about each other/the engagement? Honestly, if daughter and SIL had gotten engaged while they were still in college, we wouldn't have been thrilled and would have likely been much less enthusiastic about wedding planning than we were when they did get engaged a few years later.

Daughter and SIL had an 18-month engagement (when they got engaged, they'd been together for 6.5 years and had graduated from college, were established in their careers, financially independent, etc.). As soon as they got engaged and started talking about their preferred date, I understood we needed to get going on the venue (FOB and I funded about 80% of the wedding), but FOB thought we were CRAZY talking about a wedding that was 18 months off, and at first he thought it was ridiculous that we were setting up venue appointments "so early". It was only after we started to move ahead with stuff that I think he finally understood we really were not too early. Their wedding was awesome and everything they wanted, and it was funny because after it happened, FOB was one of the most positive about how great everything was and was quick to tell people it was because daughter and I were so organized and had everything planned out so early! lol

For now, I'd try to be patient with others and mostly share your ideas with FH and or close friends who are excited for you. Good luck!

I was totally in the same boat. FH proposed about a month after we graduated undergrad. Since he was immediately starting grad school, we knew that we would be pushing the wedding until after he graduated just to make life simpler. I put off planning for a few months, but only because we had so much going on, I didn't have time. When I finally did have the time, I got a lot of backlash from my side of the family. Mostly for planning so early, some who think the big wedding is a waste of money. The hardest part was my parents not being so excited. They both love my fiance, but just couldn't get excited. I would invite my mom to things like the venue tours and she would only go because my FMIL was going (who lives two hours away from where we're getting married). My dad just wants us to save our pennies and elope like he and my mom did. I'm still struggling with my mom to be honest. I feel like she only wants to be involved because she feels obligated. My FMIL wouldn't miss anything unless she had to and I can tell it makes my mom feel guilty. My dad is finally starting to come around now that he knows financially we can afford what we are planning. We did ask the bridal party a little early and it took them a while to get excited. Now that we're under a year they're all pumped. It'll be a trial and error to figure out who you can talk to about stuff. And unfortunately, sometime the people we want to care most just don't. As someone with a two and half year engagement, start planning whenever you feel is right. Vendors do book up quickly, and I found we had a lot more options planning so far out. But you may not be able to share it with everyone. I'm sorry you're feeling that way, I know it sucks. But I do promise it will get better. All that matters is you know you and your SO are doing the right things for you.

You do whatever you feel is right in your own heart. Nobody gets to quell your excitement and say "calm down, don't start the process, I need to know about everything". When I got engaged a year ago, I started a few months after we were engaged and I didn't listened to a dang thing anyone said about "starting early". Do not let them tell you how to feel. You don't want to look back at these times and think, "Man, my family was really a bummer" instead of "OMG do you remember how much we shrieked with pure joy every time we thought about the wedding!?"

You can't control what they say or do but you can control how you react to it. They are happy and they care. I wish I could say it will calm down.

I'm running my own show as well. I have asked opinions of people and I get them back whether I like them or not, I can take them or leave them and ultimately do my own thing! Just the other day I posted something about no save the dates and doing invites 8 months early. I got some heat from it BUT! I'm sending them anyway! Take a deep breath and think about you and your future person up on that stage/altar and how happy that day will be!! Best of luck and hugs!

View Quoted Comment This is so helpful and I’m so thankful you commented. Thank you because I know it’s fresh and I’m not trying to rush things in the slightest. We’re looking at having a small party to celebrate and have it at my parents so we’re figuring out how much it’ll be to have food and drinks there but outside of that, we’re only dabbling in the planning process. But it’ll pick it soonish! Planning an entire wedding by yourself AND having under two years, that’s intense and it freaks me out that people give flack because they think it’s “premature”
I don’t think so but again thank you ✨😊

View Quoted Comment I have been told my numerous people including my now sister in law that venues book fast and they book years out so if you find a place, book it. I’m so sorry you’re having troubles, it’s never a good feeling I truly hope it works out in the end. I’m sure your mother is excited, it just seems like your parents are projecting and to be frank, mine are doing that as well and it tears you down because you think they would be joyful. Like yours, mine like my fiancé but they think I’m too young but I’ll be 23 when I’m married and we’d be together 6.5 years at point so it’s not rushed in any means. I just wish they would remove their above the bar expectations

View Quoted Comment So when we plan to get married we will be together for 6.5 years. I will be 23, he will be 26. I will be completed with undergrad and moving on to what I hope is medical school the following academic year. I am already financial independent from my family and between the two of us, we are doing well for what it’s worth with one of us done with school and one of us nearing the end of undergrad. We’ve been together for 3.5 years now and have know each other since I was 15, him 18. So it’s not like it’s a fresh relationship and my parents have the blessing when my fiancé asked them if they were okay with him proposing so I feel like if they didn’t think we were serious they wouldn’t have given the go ahead.
It’s just mixed emotions and them not being supportive does not make sense with their behavior before to with school on top of it all, I do not find it crazy to want to start planning soonish and split it up between my school work and other extra stuff I do. We’re planning it ourselves and funding it ourselves so the better grip we have, the easier it is to budget as well.

View Quoted Comment You're very welcome, sweet lady. You write your own story. Don't let anyone else hold that pen😉

Congratulations on your engagement!!

I'm so sorry that people are making you feel this way.

Depending upon where you live/are getting married and how popular the venue you like is, it is totally appropriate for you to be able to start looking.

If you are comfortable doing so, I agree that maybe you should talk to your parents about how you are feeling.

As long as you and FH are financially stable when the wedding approaches, I don't see any need for you to push the wedding back an additional 2 years!