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Just Said Yes December 2020

My dad thinks I'm too young?

Mercedes, on February 9, 2020 at 3:06 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 30

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I normally wouldn't post about this, but it's under weird circumstances that I can't seem to find online.

Heartbreakingly, my dad said he will not be attending my wedding. (Set for December.) He believes my fiancee and I are too young. (I'm 19 and will be 20 when we get married, he is 20 and will be 21.) My dad and I have a pretty close relationship. However, I'm in college, with a good job, we have our own apartment, and my FH has already graduated college with a degree in aeronautical engineering. We will be able to afford our wedding ourselves. We've been living together for a while now, we're more mature than our age, and we've gone through things TOGETHER that simply have brought us closer and made us grow up a little more together (if that makes sense.) I'm 120% sure that he's the man I want to marry, anyone who's around us long enough can tell that we're just meant to be. But my father is disapproving of it simply because of our age.
I guess my question is how did anyone deal with parents that didn't approve due to their age? Does age really matter that much because to me I really don't get it.

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Latest activity by Marina, on February 11, 2020 at 7:08 AM

Super October 2020
Leslie · on February 9, 2020 at 3:23 PM
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Yes age does matter. I would wait until at least a year out of college. Things change in your mid-20’s. He’ll still be there. There’s no rush.
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Beginner October 2020
Kaylee · on February 9, 2020 at 3:23 PM
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Hi girl! I’m 19 and will be 20 when I get married. I don’t think that we’re too young. If we have found our person then why not get married? I think that age doesn’t matter. There’s some 35 year olds that aren’t ready for marriage. Fortunately my parents agree with me getting married but I have a feeling the rest of my family will be judgmental.
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Devoted May 2021
Emily · on February 9, 2020 at 3:30 PM
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Ignore people that says “age matters”

It definitely doesn’t. If you can afford it without being stressed do it. I’m 20, FH is 28. Both are in school, work full time jobs, bought a house, and can afford a wedding.
You don’t have to wait until you’re out of school to get married. It makes me sooo angry when people say “age matters” they don’t know you or your situational.
If you’re happy, you’re happy. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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Dedicated April 2021
Bryana · on February 9, 2020 at 3:33 PM
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Do you think you can talk to your dad about this more? Especially having a close relationship I’m sure you’d want him there.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 9, 2020 at 3:40 PM
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The whole view on age will vary. Those like me that are getting married older WI think one way and those that got married younger will think differently. I would sit down and talk this out with your dad and try to come to a resolution.
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Champion June 2019
Gen · on February 9, 2020 at 3:45 PM
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My husband and I got engaged at 21/23 and married at 22/24. People definitely said things about being “too young” but idc. However we did wait until we were both done with college to get married (we got engaged during my last semester of senior year) and both had jobs and were financially stable on our own. If you’re like that already then I don’t see why it should be a problem.

I really didn’t care if other people thought we were too young, but I do know that if my mom thought we were too young it would’ve bothered me (she didn’t think that though). If your dad’s blessing is important to you then I recommend talking to him about how you feel and finding out maybe if there’s a way you can get him to see it from your perspective AND for you to see it from his. I guarantee he’s just looking out for you and wants to make sure you make good choices.
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Dedicated May 2021
Hcook · on February 9, 2020 at 5:14 PM
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If your ready your ready. Sounds like y'all are financially ready and stable. Have a heart to heart with your dad.
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Devoted June 2021
Caitlin · on February 9, 2020 at 5:21 PM
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I feel like I was at a different point in my life at 19/20 than I am now. But I would have married my fiancé then if he would have asked. I feel like we are more mature and can better start our future together now that we’re a bit older, but it sounds like you had more figured out than I did at 19/20. It all depends on your situation. As for your dad, I would have a serious talk with him.
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Dedicated July 2021
Courtney · on February 9, 2020 at 5:51 PM
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It’s not unusual for parents to be unsupportive of marriage so early. Talking to him might help him understand why you’re ready. He might not be thrilled with idea but hopefully he can at least get to a place to be there for you on the day.

As someone who divorced after marrying young I’d advise against it to anyone asking (not that you are) There’s just so much better a chance of your marriage lasting if you wait until you’re at least 25. You will change so much in the next 5-10 years. By marrying young you’re betting on the two of you growing up together, which is risky even if you’re in the same place now. Try to understand where your dad is coming from. But it’s your risk to take and he might not get another chance to see his baby get married. I hope he comes around and doesn’t miss your wedding.
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Dedicated December 2019
Lily · on February 9, 2020 at 6:07 PM
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You know yourself. You sound like you know exactly what you want and are completely prepared for it. Sometimes older people have this idea that to get married you have to be a certain age for it to work. Everyone is different, and if you know you are ready, go for it. You cannot generalize something like this. With all that being said, if there is any doubt at all, listen to it. You do change a lot in your 20's. You can always postpone things. Good luck with your Dad!
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on February 9, 2020 at 6:14 PM
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I really dont think age is a factor I think it depends on the people some people have different views and values in life at differents stages in their life. some young adults may be ready and prepared for marriage where others are not. marriage isnt a huge jump I mean not to be negative but their is always divorce it's not permanent unless you both make the effort and if you both make the effort it doesnt matter if your younger or older when you marry! just because your married doesnt mean you both can't travel or still be young and enjoy your young years or still work on getting your lives on track. I would say definately wait for kids just cause your married doesnt mean you have to take on so much commitment! Maybe try anand discuss how you feel with your father and how this is a big day for you and how it would mean for him to be their and support you! let him knowyou are not trying to grow up to fast but just grow up together!
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Dedicated September 2020
Priscilla · on February 9, 2020 at 6:16 PM
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Thats a decision only you will be able to answer. Personal experience, im glad i never wound up marrying my then partner when i was 20. At that time he was everything to me and couldnt imagine life without him. Over the years the feelings werent as strong from neither me nor him. We were just young. However, i know people from high school that have been together since they were 15 years old and to this day are happily married. Only time will tell and thats a decision that only comes from you.
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on February 9, 2020 at 8:49 PM
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That is absolutely insane. I cannot imagine thinking marriage “isn’t a huge jump”.
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Expert September 2021
Ka-Rina · on February 9, 2020 at 8:55 PM
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How long have you been together?
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on February 9, 2020 at 9:05 PM
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Ummm people have different views thank you no need for judgement!!! I personally dont believe it is everyone is entitled to their view thank you!!!
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on February 9, 2020 at 9:16 PM
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I mean seriously if you get married its not guaranteed to be permanent. if things dont work out or your lives change its okay to walk away from that marriage it doeant mean you failed and it doesnt mean it's wrong! life is full of change and people can change together and make it work or it's okay just take that as a chapter on their lives and learn and embrace all those memories as a stepping stone in their life. I'm not saying they wont last and I'm hoping they do they sound like a beautiful couple and and I think it's fine for them to embrace their love the way they choose and if that's marriage then that's beautiful! you cant cast judgement on others or tell anyone what's best for them if you are not them. everyone doesnt fit into a perfect story line we all create our own
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VIP November 2019
Laura · on February 9, 2020 at 9:35 PM
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If that’s your view of marriage why get married at all?
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on February 9, 2020 at 9:46 PM
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Because it means something to my fiance and I love him either way. being married doesnt mean be will be together forever because I love him means I'll make it work! if it's important to him then it's what I will do for him! with or without a marriage licece doesnt make that more true
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Super May 2019
KYLIE · on February 9, 2020 at 9:48 PM
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Exactly.

I have no opinion on age or how old you need to be or how long you need to be together to have a successful marriage. But I sure do have an opinion on going into a marriage thinking “this isn’t a huge jump or commitment! Divorce is totally fine and always an option!”
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on February 9, 2020 at 9:55 PM
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I agree it's course a commitment Ijust being together is. i even stated it will work if you make it and work together, but such as a huge jump I simply dont believe it (just my personal view, not saying anyone who believes differently is wrong or right)
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My dad thinks I'm too young?

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