My dad isn't coming to my wedding

He may change his mind in the next eight months.

Luckily you have other vips supporting you

Carla, I'm very sorry to hear that this is happening to you. Love is love, and to "disapprove" because of something out of your FH's control such as a disability, is quite frankly inhumane and embarrassing on his part. You have every right to be hurt and upset. Your father might come around eventually, or honestly he might not...If he plans to continue behaving this way indefinitely, I would see no problem in dismissing him from not only your wedding, but your life. You and your FH do not need that type of toxic, manipulative presence in either of your lives.

My advice to you is to lean on those in your family that are supportive in this time. Lean on your FH. Seek some professional counseling or therapy to work through the tough emotions that come with family issues. Most importantly, know and remember that you have done nothing to deserve grief over your choice of spouse. Best of luck to you and we are always here if you need us! (hugs)

I agree with PP about counseling. I know its not the same but my mother and I didn't talk for years and she didn't attend my college graduation which to this day still bothers me. I went to counseling regarding our relationship problems and it was by far the best decision I could have done because I was really able to get an outside perspective and help me understand why I was feeling certain ways and to feel less guilty. I am so sorry your father doesn't support your relationship especially since it is because of your FH's illness . Sending positive thoughts your way.

My dad has said that he disapproves because he is concerned for me. Eventually, my FH will be totally paralyzed and on a ventilator. I will be helping with his care in the future. My FH has twins from a previous relationship. But, we want a child together and my dad is upset about that as my FH probably wouldn't be physically caring for the child. I can honestly understand why my dad is concerned for me.

As for counseling, it's something that i want to avoid for awhile. I was molested by someone as a child and teen and spent years in counseling. While it helped me, there were things that I hated about it. I know it's a different issue this time around. However, i just want to feel normal and not need to go to counseling.

Counseling, in that case, may be just what you need to feel "normal."

Yep, nothing to be ashamed of with counseling at all. You'd be amazed how many "normal" people need counseling on a regular basis, myself included I understand what you're saying though. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Carla, I am so sorry you are going through this. As someone with a family member with ALS, I understand how hard it can be. Like you said, I'm sure your dad's disapproval is really just concern for you. However, he has to know that you are an adult and your marriage does not depend on his approval. I do hope you dad comes around. Being a caregiver for someone with ALS is tough and I hope your family is there to support you when things get hard.

Wow that's incredibly messed up of him . All because he has als. You can't change who you love .. and things happen in sickness and In health . I can't even begin to imagine how you feel .

I can understand your dad's concerns. Truly. He is thinking of the struggle and heartache your future will surely hold. There are probably going to be you fair share of 'bad days.' Every parent wants to see a future of bright, struggle free days for their children.

However, I don't think he is acting maturely by refusing to condone your wedding or attend or be supportive in any manner. He has every right to voice his concerns, and to make sure you fully understand the responsibility you will be undertaking. But he should not shame either you or your FH for continuing with your marriage. He should be glad that you have found someone to love, and someone you love enough to bind yourself to them, even knowing the future is going to get rocky. People say vows all the time about "for better or worse, in sickness and health" all the while hoping it'll never happen to them. That you love each other enough to make this commitment KNOWING that's going to happen to you... that's a powerful love. Lean on that love and let your FH help you support this burden while he can. Your dad's actions are wrong, but maybe he will come around before then. If he doesn't, you still have other family members who support you and a wonderful FH.

Nonna T- I didn't feel normal at all when I was in counseling in the past. I stopped going once i felt that I didn't need anymore. With this time, I just want my FH and I to feel like other couples who manage family issues without counseling.

That is really shitty on his part; has he not heard of the 'sickness and health' part of the vows? Honestly, the person who needs counseling is your dad. Possibly you, later on, but at the moment, concentrate your relationship and the people who support you. This isn't a relationship issue; it's a person with an inflexible/poor attitude issue, and you can't fix that. You can choose how you let it affect you, but you can't fix it.

Will he come around? Who knows, but that shouldn't be a condition for your partnership. I understand where he's coming from and will time change that? Possibly. But focus on you and your future.

Best wishes for love and health.

I am not gonna harp on the counseling thing but I do feel strongly that everyone can use at least an emotional check up occasionally just like a physical one. It's also important to trust and be comfortable with your doctor and therapist. Maybe yours wasn't a good fit?

You *are* like other couples who are managing family issues. Just because others don't talk about counseling doesn't mean they aren't getting it. Just sayin'. With all respect and sincerity

Agree with Kate- his reaction isn't about concern so much as it is about control and you disagreeing that he's "right."

My dadn't isn't controlling. He liked my past boyfriends and has even said that he still likes my FH.

That sucks and totally his issue not yours. Seems like you have plenty of love around you so I would just leave it be and see if he comes around. Remember that it's not your job to teach someone how to be a good parent!! I know someone who got married last weekend and her father wasn't there (bad divorce, asshole Dad etc) and it was a wonderful night!!!

I didn't say he was controlling generally but that this specific reaction of refusing to attend the wedding even when he likes your FH smacks of control because you're going against his wishes. Just my armchair psychology though. I'm sorry you're going through this and hope he'll come around.

My fiance's mother isn't coming to our wedding because I'm Catholic. We're hurt, but she is an adult and able to make her choices. We have made sure she knows she's welcome, but she's refusing. I'm sorry you're in this position. Hopefully, he will change his mind and all will be well.

It's understandable that he is concerned for you, he doesn't want you to get hurt or have to raise a child on your own, but by not going he is only causing you more anxiety and pain. Maybe talking to him about it and expressing how much this hurts you will change his mind. If not, it is his decision and one he will likely regret for the rest of his life. I'm sorry you and FH are going through this, ALS is a terrible disease. Please don't let him rob you of this happy time with FH, enjoy your engagement and each other.

I'm so sorry. (My grandfather died of ALS, so I know how tough it is.)

Stacey, I've already talked to him and said that it hurts. He responded that he doesn't want me to get more hurt.