Kimberly
Just Said Yes September 2020

My dad is in a coma...

Kimberly, on February 24, 2020 at 11:44 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 11
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I’m 7 months out from my wedding. I have my date, my dress, my coordinator, hair and makeup people, rental/florist deposit paid, hotel arrangements, honeymoon booked, but haven’t paid deposits yet for the venue, DJ, or food. the coordinator was finalizing all of those details for me. This past week my dad fell off of a ladder and is currently in a medically induced coma with a brain bleed. We have no idea what we are facing, except everyone keeps telling us that it’s going to be a marathon. I can’t imagine getting married without my dad walking me down the aisle. I have no idea if I should keep planning as usual or put a hold on everything. Any thoughts?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Alisha, on February 26, 2020 at 6:24 PM
  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    Oh wow. I’m so sorry. I know it must be very scary and unsettling for you and your family.
    Just put wedding planning aside for a little while. Give it a couple of weeks and focus on your dad and family. The coma could actually turn things around for him.
    Stay strong and focus on your family and lean on your fiancé for the support you need. Hugs to you.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    So sorry to hear. I would put it aside as well it sounds like you’re in the position where you’re able to put it aside and just be beside your father
    • Reply
  • Kimberly
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Kimberly ·
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    I can definitely get by without actively planning stuff, as it was almost done, but I guess I’m more conflicted on if I should book (and put down the deposits down) the rest of it and be hopeful, or cancel what we can and see what deposits we can get back. I just have no clue on what to do.
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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
    • Flag
    Don’t do anything right now. Just put it all aside. You should be ok to give it a couple/few weeks. You will have a better understanding of the situation with your dad in a couple of weeks
    • Reply
  • Fenja
    VIP August 2021
    Fenja ·
    • Flag

    Oh no. I'm so sorry this happened! I don't really have advice but just want to send you positive vibes and hope you feel the hug I'm sending you. I'm praying for a speedy recovery and strength for you and your family. Smiley heart

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  • Kristen
    Master November 2020
    Kristen ·
    • Flag
    I am so sorry. I say keep your date for now but maybe look at if you could change if needed. I think focus on your dad right now. I am praying everything will be OK.
    • Reply
  • irumsohale
    Dedicated August 2021
    irumsohale ·
    • Flag

    Oh i am so sorry. this is very sad to hear.

    what are doctors saying ? what is the hope ?

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  • Erin
    VIP September 2023
    Erin ·
    • Flag
    I’m so sorry to hear about this. As previous posters have said, take some time and just be with your family. You’ll likely have a better understanding of what you’re facing with your dad a bit further down the line and there’s no sense in changing everything right now when you just don’t know. Wishing you and your family well, hugs.
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  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I am so sorry this has happened! I am going to echo what many of the other ladies have said. Take a step back from wedding planning and be with your family. You could also discuss this with your coordinator and get her/his opinion on the situation. But I would keep everything as is until you have a better understanding of what you are facing. Medical miracles happen everyday. Your dad maybe awake and doing great within a matter of weeks. So keep your head up and try to stay positive.

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  • Mcskipper
    Master July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
    • Flag
    Oof, I am so sorry to hear this.


    Personally, and especially based on where you’re at, I’d consider putting a full pause on planning, and be open to the possibility of postponing. The venue is what really solidifies the date, and the vendors that you do have should hopefully be flexible even with contracts to consider a new date (not cancelling services, just reschedule) if it came to that. Though, I’m not sure from what you’ve said if you do have a specific venue on the line, just not contacted & with deposits yet? If you have a spot and you just havent paid and signed , before signing OR giving up the date, I’d reach out to the venue and talk to them about your situation, and really hash out or get in writing what happens in the case if a cancellation or what they might be willing to consider in the event that you did want to switch the date (maybe it’s a non starter, or maybe they’re very helpful, but either way it may help you really dig it s out what you want to do).
    My personal experience is that my husband’s brother had a (major) stroke about a month after we got engaged. We hadn’t made major plans (nothing booked), but had our spot picked out and were aiming for late summer of that year, if we could get things organized ...but then, pause. We went full pause until we had answers, and that took time, and even more time for meaningful answers. (In our case from Will he make it then to will he hear and understand us to will he speak [yes yes and yes, thankfully!] and eventually evolved into will he walk. That one took months to answer, but thanks to an amazing rehab team was also a yes). But along the way, some of the unanswered questions made us need to question our wedding plan. Did we need to make accommodations for him, did we need to make it closer to home and his medical team, did we need to get a more accessible venue that was wheelchair friendly, or nix our beach ceremony dream because we needed our best man there. We didn’t forget about our wedding— in fact we talked a lot about it with excitement — it was our thing to look forward to. Same was true for BIL, as a motivator to put in hard work at rehab. When we finally felt we had enough answers, and e went full steam ahead on our original plan. We got married probably a year later than we otherwise would have, but everything was perfect when we did, and in the grand scheme of life, the date didn’t make much difference to us (we already had a home together and only grew as a couple in that year).
    Frankly there’s no one size fits all answer for your situation right now. What’s best for everyone is different , and more over everyone’s injury recovery is different. You may find consistent planning is the best thing for you, as a distraction, motivation, glimmer of happiness in the future, and that’s fine too. I think it is important (maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow) to piece together a contingency plan with your booked vendors for a ‘what if I do want to change the date’ ‘what if I just don’t know yet’ scenario. If you want to solidify your venue so you don’t lose the date opportunity, just make sure you know what the change/cancellation plan is and get it in writing. Don’t do anything rash.
    This is the weirdest of times because it feels like life stops even though life doesn’t actually stop. Take time to reconcile that. The waiting game youre in right now is hard. It may take longer than you like and even then it feels like an eternity longer. I’m so sorry you’ve all had this thrown at you. Wish you the best of luck with everything. Hopefully things go as smoothly as they can. ❤️
    • Reply
  • Alisha
    Super April 2021
    Alisha ·
    • Flag

    I am sorry to hear that about your father. My prayers are with you and your family. Set aside your plans for your wedding for now. Right now be there for your dad and family.

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