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Just Said Yes May 2021

My cousin keeps asking me details about my wedding events & saying “oh, it’ll be so much fun, i mean if you invite me to your bachelorette party”

Navpreetgill, on March 15, 2020 at 1:41 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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My cousin and I used to be basically best friends growing up but over the last 5-6 years I began distancing myself from her, drastically. She would always cast this negative energy anytime I was in a relationship (because at the time she wasn’t and she would always make it a competition even when it never was). She got married last year and a couple months before her wedding had asked me to be a bridesmaid (I was trying to be civil due to our big family & all and how close our extended family is) and I had politely declined but she basically forced me to be a bridesmaid by guilt tripping me and saying she already got my dress, etc. I keep her at arms length unless we see each other at family get togethers and I do have love for her but as family, no longer as friends. She then tries to ambush me when it’s least expected and tries to pry about my wedding planning, events, etc. Then she constantly would ask me if I’m going to have a bachelorette party and where I would want to do it and continues to then follow it by “oh wow, that would be so much fun, I mean if I’m invited to it”. I try to give her short responses about what I may or may not want to do without coming off rude because she can be extremely rude if the answer isn’t what she wants it to be. (Very toxic personality in my opinion in my life which is why I cut her off for so long). I just ignore her comments about my bachelorette but any time she sees me, she makes it a point to bring it up or insert herself into any conversation I’m having in regards to my wedding with anyone else (that I am going to invite). Any suggestions on how I can handle this in a mature way? I’m not a pushover and am very comfortable with speaking my mind but I’m also cautious of people’s negative energy and I don’t want that anywhere around my wedding or any conversations pertaining to.

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7 Comments

Latest activity by Navpreetgill, on May 1, 2020 at 1:01 AM

Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 15, 2020 at 4:54 PM
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So it sounds like you do not plan to invite her to your wedding? I would just say you have no say in the bachelorette as your bridal party will plan it but probably just something small with the bridal party. Now if that is not the case then you cannot invite other family members or people that know her. Would keep pics of social media.
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Navpreetgill · on March 15, 2020 at 5:00 PM
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Thanks Kristen! But she will be at the wedding and all other wedding festivities, just not my bachelorette party. Personally I would love to have a small and intimate wedding but being from an Indian family, our reach and relationships go on for miles & our families are huge! So therefore, my wedding affair will be 400+ guests, and her family will ofcourse be invited and in attendance. So many pros having an Indian wedding but there are definitely some cons as well!
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on March 15, 2020 at 5:11 PM
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Who did you plan to invite to your bachelorette? Sounds to be like you do not speak to her much outside of family events so I would say be straight up because she clearly is not getting the hint. Just say your bridal party is planning the event but it will just be some close friends. Yes she will be upset but who cares. Worse case she does not come to your wedding...would that bother you? God bless you managing 400 people. 4 is enough work for me lol.
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Expert August 2020
Angel · on March 31, 2020 at 6:28 PM
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There's nothing more annoying than a negative nancy that wants to be a part of everything - yuck! lol. I would say that you and your FH have already decided on a wedding party and you can even lie and say you wanted her to be apart of it but can't because you're both having certain # of bridesmaids/groomsmen or whatever reason you want. Say that your MOH is planning the bach party so you're not exactly sure what the plans are. Tell her as little as possible and dodge her as much as possible!
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on April 12, 2020 at 2:57 AM
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It sounds like your distancing (aka the cold shoulder) is causing her to pursue the relationship (if there's any) between the two of you. You can be cordial and to the point; when she asks questions, just answer her honestly. If the bachelorette party is just going to be close friends (aka bridal party) then state as much and move on.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on April 12, 2020 at 10:52 AM
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Since the OP was from last month, I don't know if the Bachelorette has happened yet. or is postponed, but if not I and you plan to tell your cousin that it's being planned by the Bridal Party, I'd be sure to tell them that she is not to be invited. She sounds like the type that would hurry up and contact them to tell them how much she would love to come along. They may think that because she's your cousin you wouldn't mind her being there. Let them know she's not welcome!
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Navpreetgill · on May 1, 2020 at 1:01 AM
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Hi Marisa! I’m typically a straight forward type of person, no room for bs kinda girl but this cousin is that 1% that doesn’t have any shame in what she says. She doesn’t put herself in the other persons shoes before opening her mouth lol & has zero disregard of how it could become an awkward encounter. I’ve tried shooting it straight to her but it didn’t stop her from bringing it up again and again thus the vent session. 😅 but I’m totally over it and just had to put it back into perspective in terms of it being OUR wedding and OUR moment & not allow myself to be bothered by the background noise. I appreciate your response, just makes me feel more confident in the simplicity of it. Hope all is well with you!
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