My cousin and bm asked if she could bring two friends: and she can pay for them.

Hello I was just reading your story I can't believe that they asked you that.. And she should know that she will not have time to entertain these friends of hers. And attend to the wedding things that has to be done. And yes they will be alone because they should not be apart of the wedding party things that a bridesmaids has to do and not be with her friends. They can come to the wedding and pay for there. But good luck

I wouldn’t let them attend. Its rude she even asked.

Plus aren’t they adults? They can’t be by themselves? That’s so weird

Wow, how do people not know that stuff like this is rude? I absolutely would not let strangers come to my wedding. I would tell your cousin that it's not a matter of money, but you're intentionally keeping the celebration small.

I just had this same thing happen to me except it was a guest and not a bridesmaid. One of the guys in a friend group I have (they’re all invited to the wedding) was not seriously dating anyone at the time, so I did not give him a plus one. 1 month after the invitations have been mailed out, he starts dating a girl and decides to call me ON MY BIRTHDAY to ask if he can bring her because she will be visiting him in town that weekend. I say no and tell him that we are having a small wedding due to budget and that’s why only his name was on there. He then proceeds to ask what your bridesmaid did: “What if I pay for her?” Um, WHAT? I politely admit to him that my parents are paying for this and that the cost per head of a person at a wedding is complicated and involves many parts. He finally says “Oh ok. Just figured I would ask.” 🙄
Fast forward to early April, he doesn’t meet the RSVP deadline, so I politely text him. The next day he sends a text saying “Hey thanks! So me and <girlfriend> will just attend the ceremony if that’s ok with you. Can’t wait!” He then sends a decline because he knows the count is for the reception mainly. Furious, I keep calm during work, gather my thoughts, and my fiancé and I decide to tell him no because we just *know* that would be a sticky situation leading to them both crashing the wedding even though be declined for himself. After work, we got on the phone with him and politely asserted our boundary by telling him that “we are also keeping the ceremony intimate, so only those invited.” He says thanks for letting him know and that he would “have to figure out if he can still go.” Bull***. He knew when our wedding was for 8 MONTHS and could have reasonably told this BRAND NEW GIRLFRIEND “hey can you visit a different weekend? I have a friend’s wedding to go to.”
SMH. My advice? STAND YOUR GROUND. The guest list is up to YOU AND FH! NO ONE ELSE!

No is a complete sentence.

"Sorry, we won't be able to accommodate your guests".

Don't give reasons or excuses or they will try and suggest solutions.

This is a very odd request. I’ve never heard of guests asking to bring a completely strange couple to a wedding.
Agree with Jacks’s response with no explanation. It’s your and fiancé’s day after all.

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Agreed to give a simple, no that's not possible—I'd also probably reiterate that you appreciate that she is traveling internationally for your big day, and that you are so excited to celebrate your big day with your nearest and dearest, including her. In my case, I'd also offer to provide local suggestions for activities that her friends can do over the wedding weekend.

In addition to what other have said: you can hire security if not provided by your venue, so the random people can't come in.

And I'm not sure why someone who knows 0 halves of the couple would even want to attend. I wouldn't, not even in order to enjoy a free meal, dessert, drinks

Oof some people...

I agree to just say you can't accommodate their guests and leave it at that. Giving them excuses will just prompt them to try to find a way around the issue.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! I guess some people don’t understand the meaning of a wedding and think its like an event you go to eat and dance .. I don’t know 🙄

Like you said to her you want to discuss it with your husband and ultimately it is your wedding not hers so you & your hubby have the final say in who will be invited. Depending on where they are all staying maybe the other couple can occupy themselves for the day with an attraction close by or they can find a movie theater & restaurant close by to go to while your cousin & her husband are at your wedding. My guess would be the other couple could careless to attend a wedding for someone they do not know. On the flip side of things if your cousin really would like them there & you are your husband are fine with having 2 additional guests then let her pay for them. In the end you and your husband will enjoy the day & you’ll be too busy to worry about 2 guests you don’t know being in attendance.

STRONGLY DISAGREE WIT YOU HON.

I do not think her question is really rude. She comes to another country just for you.
Maybe she doesn't know anybody in your intimate ceremony, because it is a small circle of your friends not hers.

I totally understand her because I live abroad, and if a friend from my hometown would ask me to come - I will feel totally lost. Hometown? SOOOO boring. Alone? even worst, I will call all my new friends here for a trip as well.

And ultimately, why you shocked from her willing to pay her meals? Totally a kind thought, since meals for a ceremony are damn expensive and she is putting 2 more mouths to feed on the table.

I know it is our day, and is fair be egoist, but please, think also to other people.

Small add-on. Since the friends are 2, they can keep company each other's, so they can as well find something to do together while your cuz is at the wedding.

But yep, the thing is: if your cousin has nobody that knows at the ceremony, must be an horrible event for her.

View Quoted Comment I never realized how crazy wedding guests can be until I got on this app lol

It sounds like she recognized that weddings are usually priced per head hence the “I know how weddings work” and are very expensive. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t allow her to bring the friends but I personally don’t think she was being insanely rude. She is coming from another country to celebrate your wedding and may not have realized how small and intimate your wedding is. You can say no to the friends without blowing this into a huge thing.

View Quoted Comment Don’t give reasons or excuses or they will try and suggest solutions is genius and a phrase I might be adopting in my own life for everything! No need to try to over explain things.

Oh 😔 I think it depends on your relationship. I actually had a similar situation. I was one of the two bridesmaids for my friend's wedding and I had one of my closest childhood friends in the country specifically to visit me before my friend had ever set her date. I was younger then and had no idea of wedding etiquette, like how expensive weddings are. But still, I asked, and my friend said yes of course! Now looking back, I would have offered to pay for my friend's plate, but I'm sure the bride would have refused because she had very generous PILs paying for the wedding. I guess your reaction says all that needs to be said about the context! But just to say, it CAN happen and it can be very fun actually to make those allowances for your friends.

View Quoted Comment I agree with your take 🙈 just depends on the relationship with who's asking, I suppose...