My brother's ex-wife wants an invite

I wouldn't invite her. She is divorced so she is no longer family. I would tell her that even though you'd love to invite her, you have to respect your brothers feelings and therefore she will not be invited. Or you could also just not tell her. She will get the hint when she doesn't get an invitation.


My brother dated and was engaged to his ex for 13 years. Me and her became friends and hung out. But I would never think to ask her to come to my wedding. I know my brother wouldn't want her to be there. My brother's family so he comes first. She asked me if she would be invited and I told her sorry but no, my brother wouldn't want you there so there for you aren't invited.

She seems to have moved from "family group" to "friends group", so I wouldn't invite her if you're only inviting family members. Are you organising something less formal for your friends? If yes, you could maybe invite her to that party.

Unless your brother is fine with this, which it doesn’t sound like he is, do not invite her. They just got divorced and the wedding is soon. Everything is fresh. You likely won’t talk to her anymore in a year. And if you do, great, but not in your brothers company.

I say only if your brother is ok with her being there and that they will compose themselves throughout the entire day. Otherwise I would not invite her especially because of the factor that you said your mother will have to "play ref" and that isn't fair to her.

Ask your brother how he feels about it. If they are on okay terms, then I think it is okay to invite her. She was you SIL for quite a while. I am inviting my uncle's ex wife to my wedding. I grew up with her as my aunt and even though, technically speaking, she isn't my aunt anymore I still think of her as one. If you want her there and your brother is okay with it then invite her.

You already said yourself that you don't want to invite her because it will be awkward and your mom will have to play ref. Don't invite her.

Absolutely don't invite her. The mother of the bride shouldn't have to play ref. The brother of the bride should not have to feel uncomfortable. As PP said, she's not family anymore, she's a friend.


This is a small wedding. A lot of people will want, expect, demand invites that you can't accommodate. Start setting boundaries now. I'm surprised she even asked.

All these people saying set boundaries because she's not family... please remember that if kids are involved and (like normal) mom dictates social schedule etc bc brother isn't on top of it, you can easily lose access to your niblings. If your brother (God forbid) passed in an accident and she had sole custody, you want her to remember she's not family?


If kids aren't involved I would invite her to your Bachelorette party etc, things he won't be at.

It sounds like you guys were/are close, so a heart to heart should be all it takes for her to understand. The divorce is recent, so she’s still adjusting to not being family anymore. Even when you want the divorce, it can still be hard - she may not be telling you that she is having feelings, but she probably is feeling something.

Yea it seems the divorce is fresh, there will always be family drama , if she meant alot to you discuss it with your brother? Ask if he feels comfortable? I mean you guys can still stay in touch if there are no hard feelings , if not let the relationship breathe between your sil and your brother. Best of luck .

You're under no obligation to invite her, as they are no longer a couple.

I would not invite her, you don’t want any tension or drama on your day. If she is really a friend, she should understand how awkward it will be and not make a fuss. It’s your day, it’s not about her. You can be friends with her separately but this is not the time to overlap those relationships. Don’t invite her to wedding events either, that’s not fair to include her in things and then not invite her. It’ll just make it worse.

In my opinion I would not invite her only because she is not longer technically family especially when you are keeping it VERY small. I would just be honest with her and let her know that as much as you would love for her to be there, you have decided with your SO to keep the wedding at a limit of 40 people and less.

If you know it’ll be awkward, then ultimately it’ll be less nerve-wracking for you prior to your big day if you know she isn’t coming. Otherwise you might be emotionally preoccupied. Do a nice brunch together instead! If you really are so close, she should be understanding that this is a very small affair. If she gets offended, that might be proof enough that you made the right call.