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Dawn
Beginner June 2022

My brother is getting married this weekend

Dawn, on June 12, 2019 at 10:59 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
They are choosing to live separate. She rent a house 2 hours away and is a veterinarian. My brother own his house and works for the railroad. I been having weird dreams about this whole thing I was excited for the marriage and all now I’m feeling weird about it wouldn’t you think you live together after your married or at least had a plan. My brother want to move closer to her (as in a house for them) she giving it a year to find a house. She doesn’t want to leave her place of business and look for a new one (mind you she is only 35 my bro same thing) so my brother is going to eventually move and it we’ll take him 1.5 about hours to and from work. Soooo it would be easier for her to move up here and find a job ton of vet jobs near Cleveland Ohio area. And my brother has a house owns with land for her 5 dogs and 4 cats and a huge barn. But she don’t wanna move. I don’t feel right about them getting married if they just see each other only on the weekends till they get a house

11 Comments

Latest activity by privateuser, on June 13, 2019 at 8:50 PM
  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    I think you should trust your brother and sister in law to handle their living situation on their own. The cost of housing is high these days and you can't expect everything to line up perfectly.
    Also moving and changing jobs is a pretty big deal, if she doesn't want to leave her place of work you really can't blame her.
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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
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    After I get married my husband and I will be living separately for 12 months while he completes his last year of a professional degree in another city. I have a great career that's established. It doesn't make sense for me to quit my job and move to his school city for 12 months. It also doesn't make sense for either of us to commute for 12 months because it's far enough away that it wouldn't be great for either of us. After he is done his degree he will be joining me in my city and we will buy a house.

    1) We will be perfectly fine. Throughout our whole relationship there have been times where 1 of us has lived in a different city and we only saw each other on weekends. It was a non-issue.

    2) You have to trust people to make their own decisions, and trust that they have a plan.

    3) I have to be blunt here: it's honestly none of your business. It sounds like she has a great job and you can't expect her to want to leave it behind. I could also find my job in another city, but there's more to it than that: I would be starting from the bottom, I would lose seniority, I would lose a great group of co-workers, I would lose a great manager, etc. There's so much more to it.

    I imagine your brother and his future wife have talked through everything many times and this is the decision that works for them.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    Everyone's marriage is different. They are adults, I'm sure they are doing what's best for them.

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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Their decisions are honestly none of your business. Also, I’m not sure why her age matters on getting a new job. FH is younger than that, but has worked for the same company for over 5 years. Moving to a different company for him would mean a significant pay decrease and less chances for promotions because he’d be starting from the bottom.
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  • Nicole
    Super October 2021
    Nicole ·
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    I agree with PP's. You have to let your brother and his FW make their own decision. The best thing you can do here is support him throughout the year that they are dealing with distance. Some people aren't willing to fully uproot their life for a relationship, sounds like FSIL is that way and it was agreed your brother would be the one to make the adjustment. Sacrifices happen all the time in relationships, but at the end of the day it's the couple's choice.

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  • Madison
    Dedicated August 2020
    Madison ·
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    Agreeing with PP... To be quite frank, their marriage and life choices are none of your business.

    I suggest just remaining supportive to any decisions your brother makes, even if that means she does not leave and he moves closer to her.

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  • Kate
    Devoted September 2019
    Kate ·
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    My FH and I will be living about 45 min apart from eachother as well for a while. We both have careers in different parts of the state that we love, as well as other obligations that make it so it is unfair for one of us to pack up and move for the other. We are perfectly fine with our arrangement of being together on weekends and during the week as work schedules allow. We are committed to eachother 100%, regardless of where we are (plus I like my alone time! 😁) and you have to trust that your brother and fsil are doing what is best for them.
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  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
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    Sorry I'm quite sure you didnt want to hear it but it's really none of your business let the married folks deal with it.

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  • Allie
    Master August 2019
    Allie ·
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    This is not abnormal, so I wouldn't worry. FH and I will be living apart (4hrs) after the wedding. Obviously we would like to live together but both of our jobs are good right now and neither of us want to move. We will probably move in together really late this year or early next year. It just depends on jobs. It doesn't mean we love each other any less. We just want to do the financially responsible thing.

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  • AmandaJHGV
    Devoted October 2017
    AmandaJHGV ·
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    I happen to know a wonderful, loving couple who have been living separately for decades. They have no plans to ever move in together. That's what works for them. So if this living situation (or whatever living situation they wind up in) works for your brother and sister-in-law, then that's that.

    Also, to be honest, it seems a bit weird to me that you think your brother moving hours away and dealing with a non-ideal job situation would be the worst, but that your sister-in-law moving hours away and dealing with a non-ideal job situation is no big deal.

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  • P
    privateuser ·
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    It's not your relationship to judge. If it works for them, it works for them. If it doesn't, they will figure it out. Trust me, you do not want to be stuck in the middle for causing problems and trying to sort out their marriage. It will just end terribly for you.

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