My Bridesmaid Ruined my Bachelorette Weekend

You can't fire a bridesmaid unless you want to lose her as a friend.

That's pretty much all there is to it.

You may want to reframe your concerns - is the issue that she will drink more than she can handle at your wedding, or is the issue that your friend has a drinking problem?

You cannot tell a grown adult that they can't drink. I'm pretty confident that's their legal right.

ETA: I'm sorry she put a damper on your bachelorette party. But you can't be her parent and you can't babysit her at your wedding. If she has a history of this or if things continue to spiral out of control, then maybe you should nicely discuss her drinking problem in the future. If you tell her she can't be a bridesmaid because of her drinking and she still comes to the wedding, chances are she will drink more out of embarrassment and possibly even to make you mad. I would leave it for now. If she has a problem, calmly address it as a FRIEND in the future. That doesn't mean kick her out of your life or out of major roles because she has an issue. True friends stick together during tough times and support each other no matter what.

Yep, unfortunately you don't get to determine how much someone else drinks. That's what bartenders are for. Is this new for her, or is she having a problem with alcohol? If you think she has a problem, address it, but don't make any of it about your wedding.

Also, you can't fire someone from the wedding party for something that you only think they might do.

Tell your bartender to water down her drinks. You can't kick her out.

I appreciate all of your responses. I'm typically very private but I felt like I needed to get outside unbiased opinions so that I can change my perspective on my plan of action. I will talk to her as a friend and express my concerns and try to determine if it's a recently developed drinking problem and see how I can help. I will keep her in the wedding

Also to piggy back off of some of the other posts, because mine was a bit short...

If she has a drinking problem find out if something in her life is stressing her. It's a pretty common outlet and way to let loose if you are having a hard time. See if you can help her in any way.

Even if she's not stressed, sometimes people just drink a lot and get too crazy sometimes. It has happened to all of my friends before, but it's not often. It could have been a one time thing.

She doesn't necessarily have a "drinking problem" just because she got too wild at your bachelorette party. Umm that's what happens at a lot of bachelorette parties!

Have you seen a pattern of bad drinking behavior? Or just this one time? Because really - one drunken bachelorette party does not make this a "recently developed drinking problem".

You could try talking to her again later, after the situation has cooled down a bit. She may have some other issues that being a bridesmaid is bringing up. Is she in an unhappy relationship? Bitter that her bf hasn't proposed? Sometimes, in those situations, being a bridesmaid is tough. (been there, and unfortunately showed my rear end at my cousin's bachelorette party bc of my issues with a dead end relationship). Bachelorette weekends tend to bring the worst out in people in my experiences with them. I would try to talk to her again later and try to understand her feelings (if she drank like crazy at your party to deal with them). If not, she just partied hard on a girls weekend, and we've all been there! If she just got out of control on a party-hard weekend, she will most likely be in better control at the wedding.

I've seen lots of photos from modern day bachelorette parties. Penis paraphernalia, strippers, clubbing, whatever...they always include alcohol. The underlying theme is the last big hurrah. So, somebody over-indulged at a bachelorette party. Now you want to fire her? Something about that seems so unfair. I could never do that a friend, regardless of how drunk and obnoxious she got. It was a party...a loud, lack of boundaries, lots of booze, party. If grooms fired their GM for the same offenses at bachelor parties, they'd be standing alone at the altar.

Please...let this go. You are way over-reacting (and it doesn't matter what she said or did. She was drunk...not herself...out of control. It happens to the best of us, usually more than once in a lifetime). You cannot ask her not to drink at your wedding. That is outrageous and parental, and I promise you, you will be losing a friend if you go down that road. You are hosting an open bar at your wedding. Allow the bartender to do his job. He will cut her off when she is skating the line.

And finally, don't talk this up with the other members of the bridal party. It will only make things worse. We're all human. Unless she's an absolute monster when she's sober, give her a pass.