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Beginner July 2022

My bridesmaid refuses to let someone else do her make up.

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on February 9, 2020 at 4:09 AM

Ok so my wedding is coming up. Destination wedding! One of my friends in my wedding happens to be a make up artist. I asked her to do our make up because it’ll save me the expense of having to fly someone out. She said she would not do the make up for the wedding and exclaimed that she didn’t even do her sisters make up or her bridesmaids for their wedding simply because she was in the wedding and it’s too much work. So I decided to hire someone and have already booked them. This make up artist is a huge difference and I am happy with my choice. She is a professional make up artist.. whereas my friend just picked it up as a hobby and started doing make up on her friends and then decided to work at one of her friends salons doing make up. The make up artist I hired is well known throughout RI for her work and has worked for MAC cosmetics for years. Her precision in her work is amazing and I told every bridesmaid the situation and she was the only one with a problem. She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her. She stated it’s not and got offended by the question. She then let me know that regardless of who the make up artist was, no one is touching her face. I think her deal is that she refuses to accept that someone else could do her make up because to her it’s like accepting that someone else can do a better job than her own job on her face. She told me I have to suck it up and “that’s that” and I told her to please reconsider as I will not put the other girls in that situation. Letting her get off with that will mean the other girls can also pick and choose. I did not hire someone so it can be this huge battle. I told her she means a lot to me and I would like her to respect my wishes and the attitude continued until I ended up telling her if she can’t respect my wishes then she can’t be a part of my wedding. I want everyone w the same make up and there’s a HUGE difference in the work. This is only The first situation and I already know she is going to come up with problems for everything else .. what would u do?

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233 Comments

Beginner September 2020
Chauntel · on February 12, 2020 at 10:31 PM
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I'd let her do her own, you will outshine everyone so people won't be concerned as much with that. The photos you frame will likely be you and him. No biggie.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on February 13, 2020 at 1:49 AM
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For heaven's sake, get down off that cross. Nobody is attacking you. If you post on a public forum, people will respond to what you say.
And yes, my bridesmaid can wear whatever she wants. Anything at all that she wants to wear. I think the whole practice of telling people how to dress so they match the decor is bizarre and outdated, frankly. But that's neither here nor there. The only thing the bride gets to dictate is the dress, which should be chosen with the wedding party's comfort and budget in mind. They don't get to dictate specific hairstyles or specific make up or specific shoes, and if they request any of those things they need to be the ones to pay for them. That's basic US bridesmaid etiquette.
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Dedicated September 2020
Ellen · on February 13, 2020 at 8:48 AM
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👏🏻I gave my bridesmaids a color from BHLDN, and they can wear whatever they want. I’m not dictating shoes, makeup, hair, jewelry etc - I love them all as individuals, and I want to see their personal style shine through. I’m even paying for their hair and makeup if they want it professionally done - yes, it’s my wedding, but they are a huge reason why I’m lucky enough to be here, marrying my FH.
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Just Said Yes September 2024
Jessica · on February 13, 2020 at 9:28 AM
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It is YOUR wedding. YOUR day. She needs to respect that you’ve already hired her and paid her and that she needs to have her makeup done by someone else. Women pay for things that they can do on themselves all the time. Why not do it for a friend on their wedding day
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Dedicated November 2020
Darnell · on February 13, 2020 at 10:40 AM
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Kick her butt OUT!! NO ONE AND I MEAN NOT EVEN MY OWN MOTHER! Would dare do such a thing. Attitudes like that are completely disscusting times like this you honestly find out who is there for you genuinely and who's not. Tipically the one's who are NOT! tend to behave in this exact manner as you described. And if you honestly feel there's more to come save yourself the stress. This is YOUR! time.
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April 2019
Saraí · on February 13, 2020 at 11:47 AM
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I'm seriously shocked too
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April 2019
Saraí · on February 13, 2020 at 11:56 AM
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How is that disrespectful? You cannot force someone to look like the rest just because you say so, you should want the people you "love" the most to be comfortable and be themselves not use them as props for pictures because you want them to look perfect. and to let her look dumb? when OP first went to her to do all of her bridesmaid makeup? I'm seriously very shocked at how serious you guys take a wedding over a friendship, wow.
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Savvy September 2020
Tayler · on February 13, 2020 at 12:24 PM
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Yes!!! So glad someone else is siding with the bride! ❤️ This is YOUR DAY. If your bridesmaids wants to make it all about her, maybe it’s best she’s not in the wedding. I had a friend who had the same issue. The bridesmaid made everything complicated and she ended up just telling her they want her as a guest only. Which I agreed with! Don’t let anyone tell you how to have your wedding!
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Expert July 2020
Stefanie · on February 13, 2020 at 12:30 PM
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Why are you making this an issue? Sorry but this sounds pretty bridezilla. You can't force someone to get their makeup done. Just let her do her own makeup. Geeze.
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Expert July 2020
Stefanie · on February 13, 2020 at 12:39 PM
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Amen!!!!!!
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on February 13, 2020 at 12:41 PM
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Where is everyone getting this from? From the original post:
" She states that no one is touching her face and she told me she’s not paying to have another make up artist do what she can do. So I asked if it was about money because I will gladly just cover the cost if it’s bothersome to her."
OP is has not paid, and is not paying, for the BMs. She SHOULD be, since it's a requirement, but she's not. She offered to pay for this BM's makeup if that is the issue. It isn't. She doesn't want someone else touching her face. That's her decision, and she shouldn't be forced to have it done.
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Devoted August 2020
Elle · on February 13, 2020 at 1:14 PM
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I'm not reading all of the comments, so I'm just going to answer the question - What would I do?
Let her do her own make up, and that's that.
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Master September 2018
Jennifer · on February 13, 2020 at 1:47 PM
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I would just let her do her own makeup and move my time and energy into something else. You are going to have a wonderful day why let this interfere?
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Beginner February 2020
Marissa · on February 13, 2020 at 2:48 PM
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My maid of honor loves playing with make up. She refused to have her hair and make up done. I was a very non-nonchalant bride. I trusted in her bc she always puts her best face forward.

Her make up looked fabulous, her hair though, I guess was appropriate for a day wedding. In the end, I think she was disappointed that she did not get her hair done. I was very conscious about budget though. I know money is tight. I let my girls choose their own dresses, and opt for hair and make up if they wanted to have it done. My matron did both, my maid of honor did neither. The pictures still turned out bomb though. I'd say let her in, tell her the look you are going for, and ask her if she is capable of accomplishing it. It isn't worth it to loose a friendship behind your wedding... not for that reason anyway. Best of luck to you!
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Beginner February 2020
Marissa · on February 13, 2020 at 2:52 PM
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PS. I too had a destination wedding...
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Master March 2015
Susan · on February 13, 2020 at 3:50 PM
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Unless she plans to look like Pennywise or Harley Quinn let her do her own make up. Not a big deal in the scheme of things. This is not the hill you want to die on!
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Dedicated November 2020
Darnell · on February 13, 2020 at 9:48 PM
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Girl this is YOUR WEDDING ! you run the show PERIOD SIS!
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Just Said Yes July 2021
Heather · on February 13, 2020 at 10:21 PM
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If you think this is just the first of many problems/ headaches she will cause you, then just tell her you have reconsidered having her as a bridesmaid and tell her she is still welcome to attend the wedding. In all actuality though, if you do that you will probably loose her as a friend altogether. It doesn't sound like she is a very good friend to you anyway though so no big loss.
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Just Said Yes August 2021
Keri · on February 13, 2020 at 10:30 PM
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Hi! Just saw your post and i totally understand your feelings. She has to realize this is YOUR wedding. Bridesmaids/Maids of Honor should not get to have things their way. It's not fair to you, and your only asking for 1 day. I personally don't see the big deal and I'm lucky enough to have my bridal party understand that whatever I would like them to look like, they will have to go with it. Try and have another conversation with her and see if things change, and if not I would personally not have her apart of my bridal party. It's already stressful enough dealing with everything for the wedding
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Just Said Yes July 2022
Diana · on February 13, 2020 at 10:48 PM
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First of all is your Wedding not hers. If she cant accept your wishes then she can sit down and be a guest to your wedding PERIOD.
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